Thursday, May 3, 2018

I can hardly recall....

I have missed my blog.
I have missed my blogging friends.

I have thought about logging on so many times.
What would I even say?
Do I even remember my log-on?

If you have been through a trauma or a loss you have certainly heard some sort of the following...

You have to find your new normal.

What a fucking simplistic explanation to a complex problem.

It dumbs down the magnitude of the “new normal”.
It lightens the request of the task.
It implies that “normal” would currently be a word in your vocabulary.

And, still....it is sadly appropriate.

I’m not sure where to even start with an update- these past 7months have been _________.
Shitty
Horrible
Sad
Insanely difficult
Unreal
Not meant for us
Unfair
Exhausting
Unbearable

There really are no appropriate words to explain what this has felt like.  I am consistently dumbfounded that thousands, hundreds of thousands, of families are doing this exact thing each day... and surviving.

That’s my biggest question,
Do you even know when you have reached your limit of handling it well?

1. Chemo
2. Surgery
3. Exponentially longer and more difficult chemo plan.

We are on phase #3.

I wish I could be one of those individuals who faces this pile of shit and learns to see the beauty in everything.  I have not been able to get there and I am certain that I waste precious time/moments as I race 1000mph to finish all of our day to day tasks.

I miss every single thing about our life 8 months ago....

5 comments:

  1. Pearl, I'm sorry just seems so trite (even though I am). My heart jumped with excitement seeing that you posted. I was hoping to read something considerably different, and then as I read I was worried I was going to read something else.

    I pray to whatever powers that be, that you find the success you seek like so many of my friends and family have. I also pray that you continue to find your strength.

    You are missed terribly and we all look forward to the time you return to us.

    willie

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  2. Pearl - The pile of shit may have no redeeming qualities but I will say this; there are many of us out here who will hold your family in our hearts and stand by to help you through. Feel a world of support wrapping strong arms around you and reach out when you need to.
    Amy

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  3. Pearl,

    I am so glad you posted. We are all here to support you in any way we can. Write here when you need to. There are many of us here sending positive thoughts, prayers and lots of love and (((hugs))) your way.

    Hugs
    Roz

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  4. I am glad to see that you blogged. We do care, I care. You are in my prayers and I wish that you didn't have to go through this but you are stronger than you know. Fuck cancer! Keep posting and please know that I am only an email away.

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  5. I'm so sorry. Just take it day by day, minute by minute.

    ReplyDelete