Monday, September 26, 2016

Not a laughing matter.....

After an especially intense session my Man and I had a discussion........Where He took me, and how I responded are not only amazingly sensual but we agreed that there was a great potential for events to have gone very wrong if W/we did not know each other and care for each other so deeply.  If W/we BOTH were any less committed to a Safe, Sane, and Consensual power exchange my responses could have very well been mistaken for disrespect and He may have incorrectly responded with dolling out an unearned punishment.  He feels (and I very much agree) that this needed to be blogged.  I do feel that I need to set the scene and discuss the build up so that the context of my reactions (and His) are clearly understood.  So, here we go.........


I am a wiggler.  I writhe, I clench, I cover my bottom with my hands, and I bend my knees so that my feet can attempt to cover (and save) my increasingly red butt.  It is that last behavior that has inclined my Man to tie my legs, at the ankles, to something sturdy when He intends to spank me into oblivion.

****Tragic back story.....long ago I did the same reflexive knee bend as I was on my belly and He was straddled over me cracking my back.  And, I kicked His innocently hanging balls!  So, the legs now get tied down for his safety.....and enjoyment****  

This was the start of the beautiful position He was looking to have me in the other day.  Face down, my hips lay across two pillows effectively displaying His target.  I settle in as I listen to each intoxicating sound of Him preparing.  He opens my locked bedside toy cabinet, pulls out my restraint bag, metal clasps clinking together...The sounds effectively lead me to a soft, supple place even before He has hardly even touched me.  The initial position I am (literally) locked into starts with my wrists restrained low behind my back linked with a chain to the collar around my neck, and yes, feet cuffed and tied to the end of the log bed so as not to inadvertently injure His cock and balls!

My Man chooses to first grace my bottom, thighs, and calves with our rubber covered rigid cable twist.  It delivers both sting and thud under His hand.  I can hardly tolerate the single swats when He begins.  I begin my dance.  I jump, twitch, clench.  I silently coax myself to avoid giving the impression that I want this to end..........because I. Do. NOT.  He reads me. He reminds me.

He asks me,
Did you do your dishes last night?

This is my least favorite part of our spanking lifestyle.  He has settled into the habit of addressing punishments first.  Saying this is my least favorite part is within the context of our consensual lifestyle.  I don't want to earn punishments because that means that I have disobeyed/disappointed Him.  The actual punishment, regardless of what that is, is exactly what I have consented to.  In light of me not holding up my end of our commitments, I have consequences.  I have asked for consequences, I have agreed to punishments, and in return He holds me accountable.

This is not what runs through my head when He asks me if I did my dishes.
What goes through my head is "Fuck!"

What comes out of my mouth this time.......

Fuck

He asks me, again.
Did you do your dishes last night?

no.

And, so it begins.  Spanking and talking.  Hard, intent, and settled in on one spot at a time.

Do you think going out with your girls after work should stop you from serving me?

no.

He is holding up His end of this agreed upon consequence.  He is doing so in strong fashion.  My ass is on fire.  Waves of thoughts, pains, and emotions, all rush through my body and my mind.

Stop tensing up.  NO MORE.

yes, Sir.

I want to tell Him in that moment that He should tell me I'm a good girl.  As He punishes my bottom and my thighs with little relent I want to tell Him how strong I am for staying still and un-clenched.

Waves.
Emotions, thoughts, pain.

The pride leaves as I release my wanting to control this punishment.  His response to my disregard for my promises are raw.  As my attempts to control leave the remaining events are a bit fuzzy and jumbled.

The punishment is only the beginning.  As with just about each spanking He gives, punishment is addressed- lecture and spanking.  Then, time for the non-punishment spanking.  He pulled His paddle out at some point (I am unsure if it was used for punishment too?).  As the transition moves towards non-punishment spanking, little changes in the way of His heavy hand.  I would say that I could feel the emotion switch to enjoyment on His part.  He also says as much to me during this time.

The waves continue inside me.  And, this is where it could have gone wrong.

With all control removed from me physically, and now all control of thoughts, pain, and emotions leaving me....I am left with responses that are not my own.

I start to giggle.

This has only occurred a few times during our spanking time.  The first time this happened years ago I remember pleading through my laughing/giggling...
I assure you that I do NOT find this funny.
This was not a complete statement as is written above.  It was said with strain, FUCKING giggling I did not want to be doing, and uncontrolled remorse as the idea flashed before me that He may have thought that I was laughing AT Him.

This time, a similar flash of thoughts shared my head-space.

not. 
funny.

I think I said it?  I am not sure, but I did hear my Man give a short laugh too, so....maybe?

Safe, Sane, Consensual.
Safety is what I want to talk about.
I am not saying that occasional play partners can't achieve safety at this point but what I am saying is that without your Dom taking the Dom part seriously, they can cause some serious damage here. Without knowledge of each other and trust in who W/we are to each other I truly fear the events could have gone wrong.

Laughing at my Dom, pushing my pride in front to make Him feel stupid SHOULD get my ass spanked.  Not for fun, but for an assertion of reminding U/us both that I am here to boost Him up, not pull Him down.

In the height of my uncontrolled responses, I giggle.  It pains me to giggle, I don't want to giggle, I find NOTHING funny about the situation, but still..........I giggle.  I am physically restrained and at His mercy.  Literally.  My mind is now fogged over with internal chemicals that make rational thought unattainable.  He is responsible for my complete well-being at this time.  If my Man did not put the effort into knowing physiologically what He was creating in my body He very mistakenly could have shifted back towards punishment.  Being laughed at as you spank your sub.....I envision a punishment filled with chauvinistic anger.  This is where SAFETY is all His own.  Being a Dom is quite a responsibility.  Right at a point where my body is a puppet for His using He has to reign it in.   Yes, sadistically there is further He can safely go.....and He does.  He stopped nothing.  He allowed my endorphin rush to peak as He upped the intensity.

He continued with Dominant control, not macho anger.  His little sub, His fuck toy, His whore, His property to make scream, drip, and writhe in exotic pain.  On hands and knees, hook shoved up her ass connected to her hair causing a forced arch in her back and the predicament of easing the pull of the hook by leaving her ass turned high up in the air only to be begging for a painful beating.....or to tilt her hips down causing the hook to pull in deep in attempts to not appear to be begging for more spanking.  THIS is the display He had before Him.  How He was able to think with His brain and not His cock is amazing to me!



16 comments:

  1. Hi Pearl, this is a great post and you raise an important issue, truly understanding each other and each others responses. I have giggled or laughed during a spanking too, definitely not because I thought the situation funny, far from it! Nor was I laughing at him. It is a form of release, just as crying is.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. We really talked a lot after about how bad things could have gone if this.....or if that..... It really came down to a safety issue for us both and I wanted to put it out there to talk about. Thanks Roz, and I am glad I am not the only one getting the giggles!!

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  2. Wow, and I will tell you why I say so. A week ago, this was me....us. I didn't giggle, and I was 'hanging' from the rafters, cuffed up and down so I couldn't move, much, but much of it was similar. My mind was in a place it hasn't been for a LONG, long time. He too went from punishment to reset. His hand didn't switch but his implement did. Yet it seemed effortless. We were in complete sync with each other. To be truthful, I felt beautiful at that moment, despite the excruciating pain.

    I have been trying to figure out a way to write about our experience ever since. SsC would be a way I suppose, but I worry as my blog started out strictly as Dd it wouldn't be well received, or if SANE should really be in there in my particular case..LOL. Truthfully the biggest obstacle might be tarnishing what was so sacred between us.

    Thanks for sharing Pearl. You have renewed my desire to share. I am still unsure if I will, but the desire to has returned slightly.

    willie

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    1. I like the small "s" attributed to the "sane" portion of the comment =)

      I really want to break your comments down and reply separately to a few of them.....

      "Feeling beautiful at that moment", YES. There is no other explanation. I have said it many times that I perceive myself as just that. It is a powerful feeling, one that makes a lasting impression (pun fully intended!).

      In regards to the Dd blog setting........

      This is a bit of a tough one for me to blog about, specifically because my honesty hurts (my own sensitive feelings). When I started searching for all of this on line I was looking to find anything to confirm that I wasn't weird. Any site (I never knew about blogs) that validated our vision for our lifestyle. I found blogland. I found blogs that not only validated the kink portion of our life I **more importantly** found couples who flourished in the Dd or M/s life overall. This is where I hurt my own feelings......much like feeling too odd in vanilla life, I have very much felt too odd in the Dd community. Like our version of Dd is the 'dirty' version. How obsurd is it for me to feel that I'm dirty compared to those who only illude to the sensual portion but speak freely of the spanking!? As if THAT is the only normal aspect of this. Again, SsC just fits in an ironic way!

      This is MY perception and although I haven't really ever discussed it, your comment validates the divide. You follow blogs you want to, no one makes you follow a blog you don't identify with or enjoy following but that doesn't make the obvious any less........obvious. I can appreciate the conflict you have stirring around your head on this one. Clearly, I dirty blog at times....I am who I am. But, at the heart of ALL that I blog is the celebration of a marriage built on respect, love, and a constant CHOICE to to keep it that way. For better or for worse.

      When you said your biggest obstacle might be tarnishing what was so sacred between you, did you mean in reference to sharing it? Making it known? I can very much appreciate that as well. There are absolutely things un-shared on my blog, things said/done only for us. I guess I am not too sure why I draw the line where I do but I think there is a place for just about every aspect. This specific post came from a true concern for others who may find themselves 'here' and to let them know that there is way more to this than having fun. The responsibility factor is real, beyond real.

      Happy to hear your thoughts on all of this!

      PS.
      I am a clear vote for you to share your experience.

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    2. Thanks Pearl. I really mean that. I am leaning toward sharing for various reasons. I think the biggest one is the fact that while we did start out on a Dd platform, we definitely morphed to something far different, yet the same. I know I have people who read my blog who feel alienated because they have too, ( I have told them to write and I will drag you girls along with me to read...LOL) I suppose I should put my money where my mouth is.

      As to the tarnishing thing, I have always held very little back if anything on my blog, well except the sex part. I am more about what is going through my head I suppose~ not that I am a prude. I have to figure out the reason for my reluctance this time. I do know in my heart of hearts, after the year we have had, that what was shared between us would offer hope for many.

      Sorry, it is like I am using you as a therapist. LOL

      willie

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    3. Willie, THIS is why I came to blogland.....and stay in blogland. Free therapy sessions!!

      In all honesty, I have truly appreciated this conversation. I have long avoided discussing my feeling out of place in certain blog areas. I guess "avoided" isn't the correct word.....I have chosen instead to remember that I blog for me. And, others like me. Because I KNOW you are out there!!!!!

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    4. Oh man.
      When I first started blogging, Dd blogs were rampant. And I too, felt like I didn't fit in. But at the time, there were very few M/s blogs...I only found blogs about kinky play for awhile. The Dd blogs showed me the relationship side and how a power exchange can look among people who were married or long term partners--I learned a great deal about power exchanges from reading those blogs! Like, a ton.

      Willie, cheering you on!

      I think there is so much to learn from each other, no matter how we do ttwd.
      **Just throwing in my two cents. I really appreciate this conversation.**

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    5. Okay I'll do it...soon. Right now we are working through something ELSE..good grief. It is growth right? RIGHT???? LOL.

      I also think it is important for me to write my version for Barney because let's face it ladies, we have um, deeper er I mean DIFFERENT emotional responses to certain stimuli than they do at times? I know I am still feeling some emotional aftershocks, which is WHY we are working through stuff AGAIN!

      Willie

      Ps throwing me a lifeline would be a GREAT Thing at the moment. LOL

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  3. Sounds to me like you guys are doing it right! Your recounting of events leaves indelible visions upon the mind, thank you so much for sharing such a wonderful accounting of near perfection in a Dom/sub experience.

    Similar but perhaps polar to the giggling episodes you experience, are the crying occurances from my Queen. Sometimes at the end of a long orgasm she will inexplicably start sobbing. It will last a few minutes as her climax wanes and she regains control of her faculties. We've been married 4 years now and I've become used to it but the first time it happened I didn't know what to think. She assured me that nothing was wrong and it was simply an involuntary reaction she sometimes has. As time has past I can see no adverse or odd effects or moodiness either before or after it happens. It's just "one of those things" in life that makes each of us individual.

    Reading about your giggling made me think of it so I thought I'd share. Thanks again for the great post!

    sublove

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    1. Thank you so much for your thoughts and comments on this post. As I talked about with Willie, I do dirty blog at times (and damn proud of it!), but this was not with that in mind at all. To understand the restrain my Man took I wanted to make it clear that at His disposal was a foggy headed horn ball who would do anything He said in that moment, would have taken any pain in that moment. I wanted to be clear that when my lack of clear though could have led to injury, He kept me safe. Sure, I had to sit with care the entire week but my Man is nothing short of a Gentleman who loves me the way I need to be loved.

      Your Queen and I share the same response to especially intense orgasms. It's not too common, but I have been reduced to tears a few times. Never related to a spanking (although I do believe THAT cathartic cry, when it happens, will be absolutely heart changing).

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  4. Such a good post. Resistance on both parts goes a long way.

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    1. So......
      Can I assume by your comment that I wasn't the one who sparked your post??? I'm not sure I have ever given a "one size fits all" post but it's good to hear from others if it comes across that way.

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    2. You have touched on so much here: Intimacy and a realism that rings true. Trust and understanding of not only each other but of each other understanding their own self.

      My post was sparked by a domly dom that I don't care to name but that was my first soapbox since coming back to blogging. I'm sorry for being so abstruse.

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    3. I truly am thankful that I didn't come across as "knowing the only way". That's the last thing I want anyone to take away from reading here. There is enough feeling odd going on when you start out in D/s and the like. Thank you for reading/commenting here, I appreciate the unique points of view we all bring to this table. And, the free therapy.....can't beat it!!

      XOXO Pearl

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    4. This is such an awesome post. You are being so truthful and clear. I really liked your explanation. And I wholeheartedly agree with you.

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  5. Pearl .... I have so missed reading your words. I am just so very grateful to consider you a friend. This was simply excellent. Thank you so much for being here!

    XOXOX

    SHIP

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