Monday, September 26, 2016

Not a laughing matter.....

After an especially intense session my Man and I had a discussion........Where He took me, and how I responded are not only amazingly sensual but we agreed that there was a great potential for events to have gone very wrong if W/we did not know each other and care for each other so deeply.  If W/we BOTH were any less committed to a Safe, Sane, and Consensual power exchange my responses could have very well been mistaken for disrespect and He may have incorrectly responded with dolling out an unearned punishment.  He feels (and I very much agree) that this needed to be blogged.  I do feel that I need to set the scene and discuss the build up so that the context of my reactions (and His) are clearly understood.  So, here we go.........


I am a wiggler.  I writhe, I clench, I cover my bottom with my hands, and I bend my knees so that my feet can attempt to cover (and save) my increasingly red butt.  It is that last behavior that has inclined my Man to tie my legs, at the ankles, to something sturdy when He intends to spank me into oblivion.

****Tragic back story.....long ago I did the same reflexive knee bend as I was on my belly and He was straddled over me cracking my back.  And, I kicked His innocently hanging balls!  So, the legs now get tied down for his safety.....and enjoyment****  

This was the start of the beautiful position He was looking to have me in the other day.  Face down, my hips lay across two pillows effectively displaying His target.  I settle in as I listen to each intoxicating sound of Him preparing.  He opens my locked bedside toy cabinet, pulls out my restraint bag, metal clasps clinking together...The sounds effectively lead me to a soft, supple place even before He has hardly even touched me.  The initial position I am (literally) locked into starts with my wrists restrained low behind my back linked with a chain to the collar around my neck, and yes, feet cuffed and tied to the end of the log bed so as not to inadvertently injure His cock and balls!

My Man chooses to first grace my bottom, thighs, and calves with our rubber covered rigid cable twist.  It delivers both sting and thud under His hand.  I can hardly tolerate the single swats when He begins.  I begin my dance.  I jump, twitch, clench.  I silently coax myself to avoid giving the impression that I want this to end..........because I. Do. NOT.  He reads me. He reminds me.

He asks me,
Did you do your dishes last night?

This is my least favorite part of our spanking lifestyle.  He has settled into the habit of addressing punishments first.  Saying this is my least favorite part is within the context of our consensual lifestyle.  I don't want to earn punishments because that means that I have disobeyed/disappointed Him.  The actual punishment, regardless of what that is, is exactly what I have consented to.  In light of me not holding up my end of our commitments, I have consequences.  I have asked for consequences, I have agreed to punishments, and in return He holds me accountable.

This is not what runs through my head when He asks me if I did my dishes.
What goes through my head is "Fuck!"

What comes out of my mouth this time.......

Fuck

He asks me, again.
Did you do your dishes last night?

no.

And, so it begins.  Spanking and talking.  Hard, intent, and settled in on one spot at a time.

Do you think going out with your girls after work should stop you from serving me?

no.

He is holding up His end of this agreed upon consequence.  He is doing so in strong fashion.  My ass is on fire.  Waves of thoughts, pains, and emotions, all rush through my body and my mind.

Stop tensing up.  NO MORE.

yes, Sir.

I want to tell Him in that moment that He should tell me I'm a good girl.  As He punishes my bottom and my thighs with little relent I want to tell Him how strong I am for staying still and un-clenched.

Waves.
Emotions, thoughts, pain.

The pride leaves as I release my wanting to control this punishment.  His response to my disregard for my promises are raw.  As my attempts to control leave the remaining events are a bit fuzzy and jumbled.

The punishment is only the beginning.  As with just about each spanking He gives, punishment is addressed- lecture and spanking.  Then, time for the non-punishment spanking.  He pulled His paddle out at some point (I am unsure if it was used for punishment too?).  As the transition moves towards non-punishment spanking, little changes in the way of His heavy hand.  I would say that I could feel the emotion switch to enjoyment on His part.  He also says as much to me during this time.

The waves continue inside me.  And, this is where it could have gone wrong.

With all control removed from me physically, and now all control of thoughts, pain, and emotions leaving me....I am left with responses that are not my own.

I start to giggle.

This has only occurred a few times during our spanking time.  The first time this happened years ago I remember pleading through my laughing/giggling...
I assure you that I do NOT find this funny.
This was not a complete statement as is written above.  It was said with strain, FUCKING giggling I did not want to be doing, and uncontrolled remorse as the idea flashed before me that He may have thought that I was laughing AT Him.

This time, a similar flash of thoughts shared my head-space.

not. 
funny.

I think I said it?  I am not sure, but I did hear my Man give a short laugh too, so....maybe?

Safe, Sane, Consensual.
Safety is what I want to talk about.
I am not saying that occasional play partners can't achieve safety at this point but what I am saying is that without your Dom taking the Dom part seriously, they can cause some serious damage here. Without knowledge of each other and trust in who W/we are to each other I truly fear the events could have gone wrong.

Laughing at my Dom, pushing my pride in front to make Him feel stupid SHOULD get my ass spanked.  Not for fun, but for an assertion of reminding U/us both that I am here to boost Him up, not pull Him down.

In the height of my uncontrolled responses, I giggle.  It pains me to giggle, I don't want to giggle, I find NOTHING funny about the situation, but still..........I giggle.  I am physically restrained and at His mercy.  Literally.  My mind is now fogged over with internal chemicals that make rational thought unattainable.  He is responsible for my complete well-being at this time.  If my Man did not put the effort into knowing physiologically what He was creating in my body He very mistakenly could have shifted back towards punishment.  Being laughed at as you spank your sub.....I envision a punishment filled with chauvinistic anger.  This is where SAFETY is all His own.  Being a Dom is quite a responsibility.  Right at a point where my body is a puppet for His using He has to reign it in.   Yes, sadistically there is further He can safely go.....and He does.  He stopped nothing.  He allowed my endorphin rush to peak as He upped the intensity.

He continued with Dominant control, not macho anger.  His little sub, His fuck toy, His whore, His property to make scream, drip, and writhe in exotic pain.  On hands and knees, hook shoved up her ass connected to her hair causing a forced arch in her back and the predicament of easing the pull of the hook by leaving her ass turned high up in the air only to be begging for a painful beating.....or to tilt her hips down causing the hook to pull in deep in attempts to not appear to be begging for more spanking.  THIS is the display He had before Him.  How He was able to think with His brain and not His cock is amazing to me!



Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Embarrassed little girl.

"STORE CLOSING.....50% OFF!"

This is the sign my Man and I saw in the window of a saddlery store.  You know where this is going, don't you!?  We have talked about adding a crop to our toy box. We have even almost went a time or two to a store to find said riding crop.

This time....

We went inside!

A sale damn it.  I am a sucker for a sale.

As it turns out..... I'm also a prude!!!!!  I was SHOCKED at how embarrassed I felt.  I'm not sure if it was the older woman owner who could tell in the first 5 seconds that we knew nothing about horses?

"Are you looking for English or Western?" She says.

In my head I say,
"When He swats me really good we joke that he got some 'English' in it.  So, English?"

But, what comes out is,
"I don't know anything about horses."

Smooth..... Really smooth......

It becomes even more painful as I explain that my friend owns a horse (truth) and I'm looking for her (untruth).   I text my friend (truth) and casually say "she will text me to let me know what she wants" (untruth).

I slowly stroll up and down the isles.

I have no problem stairing in horny giddiness at the leather collars and straps....but the fucking crop.....I can't even make eye contact with it's
soft
striking
beautiful
brown
leather
goodness.

My internal dialog is a mess.

"Oh shit.
There they are.
Don't stare.
At the front?
How did we not see them!?!
Oh my God.
They're smaller than I thought.
Don't stare!
A whippy tail one?!
It's Christmas.
She sees it on my face.
This is NOT for a horse.
DON'T STARE!!!"

And, against every bet I would have ever made about my comfort with my sexuality......... We walked out...... Empty handed.

What the hell?!