Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Only the beginning...

In reference to me always researching and reading about This Thing That WE Do...
My Man said to me not long ago,

I want to punish you.
But you haven't done anything wrong. 
What is that called?

At the time my answer was,

Your choice.

I thought about it a lot more since that night and although I was right in that it would be His choice, I think the actual answer is that it would be called "sadistic".  

Deriving pleasure from inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on others.

Is my Man sadistic?
How do I feel about it... If he is??

If a Dom can assess His sub's true interest in activities by the wetness of her ever betraying cunt then I think I may be able to assess my Man's interest in sadistic type behaviors by the response of HIS growing cock.  To be quite honest, my Man is his absolutely MOST hard and long after he has been punishing my ass.  Spanking, paddling, blind tilt caning.... You name it...The proof cannot be denied.

The harder he swats-the more I squirm..
The more I squirm-the more he controls...
The more he controls-the deeper I surrender...
The deeper I surrender-the further he pushes my limits.

And, when I check....He appears to be enjoying himself very well.  =)

Does He derive pleasure from inflicting pain on me?
I think I can say, yes.
Tormenting, sexual pain....YES.
Injury pain.  No.

In many areas, I am stretched beyond my own comforts.

For His pleasure.
For my growth.
For O/our fun.

Would I go any of these places on my own?
Some, yes.
Others, certainly not.

Does He derive pleasure from my suffering?
Do I even suffer?
I endure.
My limits are pushed.  My boundaries are stretched.
My trust in Him allows my own abilities to transcend what I can endure and how deeply I can feel.
O/our agreement to this lifestyle means I do not suffer.

Does He derive pleasure from humiliating me?
This is an interesting one.
My answer is surprising to me and I think it may surprise Him as well?
Yes.  He does in fact derive pleasure from humiliating me.

I have to refer back to the inflicting pain question.
Tormenting, sexual humiliation, YES.
Emotional injury.  No.

After I have been long since tied up, suitably used and spanked.
He likes to whisper in my ear...

How nice would it be for you to just have to watch as I fucked someone right over there.  
All tied up.  
You can't do anything but watch as I slide my cock all the way into her.

There is also the occasional face slapping as I take Him deep into my mouth.

I think He is just at the beginning of finding His love of humiliating me.  Objectifying me.
As the social conditioning wares thin we are left with what makes our hearts pound, our parts swell, and our bond deepen.

And, to answer my own question.....
If my Man is sadistic, how do I feel about it?

-I guess I will just have to let Him interpret what that means!

Saturday, February 20, 2016

little poem for your reading pleasure.........

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue

I hate TMJ

And, my Owner does too.


Holy shit if I can't open my mouth to even put a spoon of rice in there!  I think I may just calculate how much protein I have been (and will be) missing because of this.  Just when I need it most for healing!   BOO.

Monday, February 8, 2016

There is beauty in all that I am...because of You.

Text from my Man:
I thought you'd like this. I am doing some reading, trying to be a better me, in return making a better you.

"I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader.
I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness.
I want a man lying over me, always over me.
His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work,
his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot.
I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually,
artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want
to be dominated.  I don't mind being told to stand on my
own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing,
I but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the
will of a male, at his time, his bidding."
-Anaïs Nin

My reply:
I could have written it- you are right, I love it. Thank you babe.


He found it on a site/blog and thought that maybe it was something I wrote (until seeing the author's name at the end).  Besides the fact that, had I written this, it would have only referred to one male, it truly is who I am.  The fact that he saw this and saw, me, makes my heart full.  

Part of my femaleness and my service to who W/we are, is my ability to intellectually hold my ground and financially support my family.  Through blog land, I have come to realize that there is no "typical" power exchange relationship.  The books would have you believe that to be a true submissive you would be at home awaiting instruction at all times, on the ready and never having a purposeful role beyond.  They lay an unfair and unrealistic setting of the head of household earning millions in his suit and tie and his eye candy submissive serving drinks in stelletos and a corset made of rope when he returns home from a long day of Dominating the world.  Those books are steamy, hot, sexually charged, and fiction.  They have their place, they certainly do (I am guilty of reading until 4am in my sub-frenzy days).  But they lack responsibility to the truth of what this lifestyle can entail. 

Just as ridiculous as it would be to say that ONLY skinny, red headed girls with brown eyes would make a good submissive, I now find it ridiculous to question my true femaleness and submissiveness based on the fact that I am not maintaining the home.  I used to have conflicted understanding on who I was at home and who I was outside of the home.  This is no longer the case (I have other issues to obsess about now!).  

I am a submissive.  
I am HIS submissive alone. 
I masterbate only when given permission.
I am respectful in my words to Him.
I sleep by His side, naked.
I accept training to deep throat better.
I apologize when I gag.
I know my ass can and will be fucked any time He chooses.

I am spanked, 
as a maintenance reminder of who I am for U/us
as a way to give me focus and calm
and now, yes, I am spanked for punishment.

I make our bed each morning.
I finish dishes every night.
I shower and am in bed (naked) by 1030p. Every night.
If those maintenance chores are not completed. There is consequence.
There is no more allowance when my 12hour work day turns into 14hours. 
All of who I am is wrapped in the absolutely beautiful package of being the kind of submissive that my Man is in need of.  He does not wear a suit and tie to work but he still makes my heart stop.  In his own way- he saves the world.  That is much sexier to me than if he were to Dominate the world.  I prefer him to wait to shave.  I love the stubble, the scruff.  I love that I have now found TWO gray hairs in the scruff of his beard.  It makes me feel even more sexy, as I am not the only one aging.  

I don't have a martini awaiting his arrival home, he doesn't really drink anything more than iced tea.  He usually has chilled wine awaiting my arrival home.
I have never served him in a corset made of rope.
But DAMN do I hope to remedy that situation! 

New subbies (and Dom/mes for that matter), allow for YOU and your partner to decide what your power exchange will look like.   Read the books, read the articles, and PLEASE read the blogs =) you will find some new ideas and some new friends even.  Just know that only you and your partner can decide what makes you a good girl, pet, slave, baby girl, slut.

Monday, February 1, 2016

Do you trust me?

Pretty red panties
Spanking stick (blind tilt)

I am layed out on our bed, pillows under my hips arching my lower back and tilting my soft bottom up for His pleasure.

He is very rhythmic today equal paddling to each side.  Changing up the rhythm just as I am used to it.

It is excruciating and intoxicating.

Do you want more?

I am tearlessly sobbing.


The paddling continues as does the swats with the spanking stick/ blind tilt.

A pause.

Awe.  Honey.  We broke it.

He lays a 3inch piece of the blind tilt next to my head on the bed. I turn and look at it.

Do you like that?

A little victory?  The blind tilt broke.  Not me.
I am wired a bit odd.  Beautifully odd.

The paddling and spanking continues.

Tearless sobs continue as he tells me....
Don't do that again.

I am in a fog.  I have been sobbing, moaning, and ouching, the whole time. What did I just do that I need to stop?

I loosen my clenched bottom.

The remainder of the paddling and spanking stick swats are done with my absolutely surrendered and  softened bottom.

You can take so much more now.
He is reflecting my ability to stay still as the intensity hits an all time high. (Pun intended).

Can you take more?

He asked me this a few times throughout.

This time, I don't have an answer.  My mind is scrambled.  There is no clear thought.
My bottom says "NO" but that other part of me..........she always wants more. Insatiable.

I..... I don't know.

Do you trust me?

I know this answer!  No doubt. Nothing is more clear at this moment.

I think you can take more.

Yes, Sir.
And, just like that.  That sliver of the world I held control to, resigned in my own stubbornness...left.

At some point. I am gathered into his arms.

He leads me towards the in window closed blind glass door.

Back up.
Press your bottom on the glass.

I am in an absolute fog as I comply with his orders.

Cool glass.   Hot bottom.