Friday, January 8, 2016

A post for thought...

I save links to posts that speak to me and to who W/we are.  I save them to go back to, to re-visit, to share with you all, to share with my Man.

Dauntless Vitality authored a post on his blog, A Dauntless Journey, that very much spoke to me and to what it is I am and what I need as a sub.  "The Time And Effort She Deserves..." is well thought out, and very well written.  He actually used the exact word I have used before, "floundering".  I have seen one other blogger use that term to describe what it feels like to be figuring this all out and to feel like you are alone.  That word evokes a sense of vulnerability in me that I am still surprised by.  I associate vulnerability with fear.  Fear of loss, fear of rejection, fear of failure.

Is fear the very basis of vulnerability? Or, can vulnerability be based in a more positive emotion?  For me, I think I need a new word.  Being vulnerable conveys that I am risk.  I am not at risk.  My Man is not at risk.  I would like to think of vulnerability in a different light, with a positive spin, but I cannot.
Putting all that I have out there for him and He doing the same for me allows us room to grow in ways we could not have alone.  It opens us to stretching outside of our comfort zone.  Sometimes it is uncomfortable, sometimes even painful.  The pain may be inevitable, however, suffering is a choice.  We can grow through and because of the pain, but we do not suffer.  We grow.

Vulnerable is unprotected, I am not unprotected.  I have a protector.

This post may seem scattered, but I assure you, in my 110mph mind it makes complete sense =)


  1. First off, love the new look and the post by DV (his posts seem to have a way of sticking with me).

    Second, this doesn't seem scattered at all. In fact, it fits me kinda perfectly at the moment.

    And isn't it interesting that I replied to a comment on my most recent post saying... Maybe it would help if I focused more on why vulnerability is a good thing rather than how it feels so wrong.

    I like how you think, perhaps we need a different word for it...

    1. #1. Thank you!! I needed a change. And I too am a fan of DV.
      #2. Thank you for the feedback. This post felt like a million ideas condensed into a small package. I wasn't sure if anyone would get it. =)
      #3. It IS interesting! We need a new word. "Vulnerability" implies impending injury and weakness. We are absolutely NOT weak!

  2. Vulnerable is unprotected, I am not unprotected.

    ^^Great thought.

  3. Hi Pearl, this is a great post and not scattered lol. Great food for thought. I like to think vulnerability is a positive thing despite the anxiety it creates. There are often wonderful positives and growth out of our most vulnerable moments with our partner.


    1. I really appreciate your take on this Roz. I truly struggle thinking of anything other than a small puppy out in the rain as the vulture circles when I think of vulnerability. I forget about those tender moments that only occur when you have let your guard down and allow yourself to be vulnerable. The word is my struggle more than the act of surrendering my control and selfishness. Thanks Roz!

  4. Hello Pearl. I'm in an "official" FLM since late last summer. My Queen and I are pretty novice in our practice but we are cementing our roles more and more each day. I'm glad I found your blog. I like the opposite genders perspective and musings on submissive topics that fill my mind every day. I've found your posts to be thoughtful and look forward to being able to read and learn more as I am able to make the time to read back in your blog.

    With this post you've opened my eyes and caused me to ponder the idea of vulnerability more. I've often used it but have also felt the need to find a more precise word to sort of equate it to. Personally I've never thought of it in a true negative sense as it applied to my submissiveness. So I looked it up, looked at the synonyms and see that in our culture it is normally does carry a negative connotation. So I considered a bit further....

    I am truly vulnerable to my wife. I'm not defenseless but I'd let her spank me until she decided she was done. I trust her with my vulnerability and it is almost otherworldly freeing to me. The emotion is simply too powerful for me to describe, perhaps that is the reason why I'm always looking for a more descriptive word. For now it will have to do. I'll let you know if I think of anything :)

    Thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts!

    1. sublove,
      Sending you a very warm welcome to my blog!! I too like the opposite gender (the submissive husband) take on this whole thing. subhub has become a good blogland friend with a perspective I greatly respect.

      I absolutely love your take on the word "vulnerability". I don't want to only see it in the negative light so I am thankful for the comments that give me new perspective.

      The emotion too powerful for you to describe...That was how I felt about saying "I love you" to my Man. It just never quite gave the due credit to the magnitude of the emotion I was feeling. Finding submission and being HIS submissive has been my "more than I love you" and yes, so very powerful!!!

      I am excited to get to know you and your Queen! Now I need to follow the hyperlink on your name and see if you have a blog too =)

      XOXO Pearl

      (PS i always check for new comments to old posts so feel free if you want to talk about any of them)

    2. Well thank you for the warm welcome Pearl! I found your blog through the comments on subhub and again I find your insight intriguing. I'll definitely be looking back and sharing thoughts, thanks for the invite :)

      The FLM in our home is only just getting past the green stage so if you happen to check out my blog hopefully you'll see a sapling of an FLM grow into a mighty oak, one similar to the venerable subhubs!

      I look forward to reading both forward and backward in your blog!

      Take care,

  5. Pearl, I posted a video on my blog that might interest/help you...I found it very insightful anyway. :)

    1. Misty, thank you.

      That doesn't exactly cover it but please know that I am grateful for your friendship here and watching that video really hit home with me.