I save links to posts that speak to me and to who W/we are. I save them to go back to, to re-visit, to share with you all, to share with my Man.
Dauntless Vitality authored a post on his blog, A Dauntless Journey, that very much spoke to me and to what it is I am and what I need as a sub. "The Time And Effort She Deserves..." is well thought out, and very well written. He actually used the exact word I have used before, "floundering". I have seen one other blogger use that term to describe what it feels like to be figuring this all out and to feel like you are alone. That word evokes a sense of vulnerability in me that I am still surprised by. I associate vulnerability with fear. Fear of loss, fear of rejection, fear of failure.
Is fear the very basis of vulnerability? Or, can vulnerability be based in a more positive emotion? For me, I think I need a new word. Being vulnerable conveys that I am risk. I am not at risk. My Man is not at risk. I would like to think of vulnerability in a different light, with a positive spin, but I cannot.
Putting all that I have out there for him and He doing the same for me allows us room to grow in ways we could not have alone. It opens us to stretching outside of our comfort zone. Sometimes it is uncomfortable, sometimes even painful. The pain may be inevitable, however, suffering is a choice. We can grow through and because of the pain, but we do not suffer. We grow.
Vulnerable is unprotected, I am not unprotected. I have a protector.
This post may seem scattered, but I assure you, in my 110mph mind it makes complete sense =)