Monday, December 12, 2016

almost out of hiding...........

I wrote a post rambling on about this past year.........

Retrospective.
Scattered thoughts.

It needs to stay in the drafts for now.

Oh, life.
You little
Pain
In
The
Ass.

My Man is making me a bench. Something lovely for the basement for all to sit on that will convert with a few hinges just for me.  Well, for Him to enjoy me.

I am awaiting the return of Pearl.  She has been so patiently waiting as I wrap up the last of my educational goals.  She isn't gone, she is always part of who I am and all I do.  My Man knows that he cannot be in charge of that part.  Indirectly, He is, but this task is all my own.  We are still U/us.

This past year.......
Oh, this past year.................

I am not a New Years resolution kind of girl.  I set a goal because I want to achieve it, not because it's January 1st.  But, I LOVE to set a goal and meet a challenge.  I mean L. O. V. E. it!

So.
We shall see.


Friday, November 18, 2016

I LOVE OUR LURKERS!!!!!!!!!!


I could not miss LOVE OUR LURKERS 11 !!!!

I started out as a lurker.  Late night blog surfing....looking for others like my Man and me.

It sounds a bit silly now, but I didn't always know where these amazing people were.

Or, if they even existed at all!

During the past few years that I have had my own blog.......

 I STILL lurk!

Sometimes I just don't have time to really dig in and write a comment, other times I'm not sure I have anything to add.  But, as a blogger, I know that sometimes you REALLY need someone to comment.  You need to know that someone hears you, understands you, or just cares enough to tell you to get your head out of your ass!

For all of you that lurk....THIS is for you!!

MANY THANKS for every time you came back to read!!!

My Man and I are real.
The ups.
The downs.
And, everything in-between!!

We invite you to say a 'Hello'.
Ask a question if you're feeling especially UN-lurkey!!!!!

Today..... Tomorrow......
Any time you want!!!

XOXO Pearl


Thursday, November 17, 2016

If you elect a Pig for President.....

If you elect a Pig for President,
he is going to believe that his behavior is acceptable.

If he believes that his behavior is acceptable,
he is going to grab MORE pussy.

If he grabs more pussy,
he will eventually get caught on tape admitting to grabbing pussy

If he eventually gets caught on tape admitting to grabbing pussy,
the right people will fight against him.

If the right people fight against him,
they will see he is also a racist.

If they see he is also a racist,
they will demand an explanation.

If they demand an explanation,
he will show unapologetic pride in his behavior.

If he shows unapologetic pride in his behavior,
they will conclude he has no moral base.

If they conclude he has no moral base.....................


They will STILL elect that fucking Pig for president!!!!

What the fuck!?


*nothing is less sexy that having a fucking Pig for president*

Monday, September 26, 2016

Not a laughing matter.....

After an especially intense session my Man and I had a discussion........Where He took me, and how I responded are not only amazingly sensual but we agreed that there was a great potential for events to have gone very wrong if W/we did not know each other and care for each other so deeply.  If W/we BOTH were any less committed to a Safe, Sane, and Consensual power exchange my responses could have very well been mistaken for disrespect and He may have incorrectly responded with dolling out an unearned punishment.  He feels (and I very much agree) that this needed to be blogged.  I do feel that I need to set the scene and discuss the build up so that the context of my reactions (and His) are clearly understood.  So, here we go.........


I am a wiggler.  I writhe, I clench, I cover my bottom with my hands, and I bend my knees so that my feet can attempt to cover (and save) my increasingly red butt.  It is that last behavior that has inclined my Man to tie my legs, at the ankles, to something sturdy when He intends to spank me into oblivion.

****Tragic back story.....long ago I did the same reflexive knee bend as I was on my belly and He was straddled over me cracking my back.  And, I kicked His innocently hanging balls!  So, the legs now get tied down for his safety.....and enjoyment****  

This was the start of the beautiful position He was looking to have me in the other day.  Face down, my hips lay across two pillows effectively displaying His target.  I settle in as I listen to each intoxicating sound of Him preparing.  He opens my locked bedside toy cabinet, pulls out my restraint bag, metal clasps clinking together...The sounds effectively lead me to a soft, supple place even before He has hardly even touched me.  The initial position I am (literally) locked into starts with my wrists restrained low behind my back linked with a chain to the collar around my neck, and yes, feet cuffed and tied to the end of the log bed so as not to inadvertently injure His cock and balls!

My Man chooses to first grace my bottom, thighs, and calves with our rubber covered rigid cable twist.  It delivers both sting and thud under His hand.  I can hardly tolerate the single swats when He begins.  I begin my dance.  I jump, twitch, clench.  I silently coax myself to avoid giving the impression that I want this to end..........because I. Do. NOT.  He reads me. He reminds me.

He asks me,
Did you do your dishes last night?

This is my least favorite part of our spanking lifestyle.  He has settled into the habit of addressing punishments first.  Saying this is my least favorite part is within the context of our consensual lifestyle.  I don't want to earn punishments because that means that I have disobeyed/disappointed Him.  The actual punishment, regardless of what that is, is exactly what I have consented to.  In light of me not holding up my end of our commitments, I have consequences.  I have asked for consequences, I have agreed to punishments, and in return He holds me accountable.

This is not what runs through my head when He asks me if I did my dishes.
What goes through my head is "Fuck!"

What comes out of my mouth this time.......

Fuck

He asks me, again.
Did you do your dishes last night?

no.

And, so it begins.  Spanking and talking.  Hard, intent, and settled in on one spot at a time.

Do you think going out with your girls after work should stop you from serving me?

no.

He is holding up His end of this agreed upon consequence.  He is doing so in strong fashion.  My ass is on fire.  Waves of thoughts, pains, and emotions, all rush through my body and my mind.

Stop tensing up.  NO MORE.

yes, Sir.

I want to tell Him in that moment that He should tell me I'm a good girl.  As He punishes my bottom and my thighs with little relent I want to tell Him how strong I am for staying still and un-clenched.

Waves.
Emotions, thoughts, pain.

The pride leaves as I release my wanting to control this punishment.  His response to my disregard for my promises are raw.  As my attempts to control leave the remaining events are a bit fuzzy and jumbled.

The punishment is only the beginning.  As with just about each spanking He gives, punishment is addressed- lecture and spanking.  Then, time for the non-punishment spanking.  He pulled His paddle out at some point (I am unsure if it was used for punishment too?).  As the transition moves towards non-punishment spanking, little changes in the way of His heavy hand.  I would say that I could feel the emotion switch to enjoyment on His part.  He also says as much to me during this time.

The waves continue inside me.  And, this is where it could have gone wrong.

With all control removed from me physically, and now all control of thoughts, pain, and emotions leaving me....I am left with responses that are not my own.

I start to giggle.

This has only occurred a few times during our spanking time.  The first time this happened years ago I remember pleading through my laughing/giggling...
I assure you that I do NOT find this funny.
This was not a complete statement as is written above.  It was said with strain, FUCKING giggling I did not want to be doing, and uncontrolled remorse as the idea flashed before me that He may have thought that I was laughing AT Him.

This time, a similar flash of thoughts shared my head-space.

not. 
funny.

I think I said it?  I am not sure, but I did hear my Man give a short laugh too, so....maybe?

Safe, Sane, Consensual.
Safety is what I want to talk about.
I am not saying that occasional play partners can't achieve safety at this point but what I am saying is that without your Dom taking the Dom part seriously, they can cause some serious damage here. Without knowledge of each other and trust in who W/we are to each other I truly fear the events could have gone wrong.

Laughing at my Dom, pushing my pride in front to make Him feel stupid SHOULD get my ass spanked.  Not for fun, but for an assertion of reminding U/us both that I am here to boost Him up, not pull Him down.

In the height of my uncontrolled responses, I giggle.  It pains me to giggle, I don't want to giggle, I find NOTHING funny about the situation, but still..........I giggle.  I am physically restrained and at His mercy.  Literally.  My mind is now fogged over with internal chemicals that make rational thought unattainable.  He is responsible for my complete well-being at this time.  If my Man did not put the effort into knowing physiologically what He was creating in my body He very mistakenly could have shifted back towards punishment.  Being laughed at as you spank your sub.....I envision a punishment filled with chauvinistic anger.  This is where SAFETY is all His own.  Being a Dom is quite a responsibility.  Right at a point where my body is a puppet for His using He has to reign it in.   Yes, sadistically there is further He can safely go.....and He does.  He stopped nothing.  He allowed my endorphin rush to peak as He upped the intensity.

He continued with Dominant control, not macho anger.  His little sub, His fuck toy, His whore, His property to make scream, drip, and writhe in exotic pain.  On hands and knees, hook shoved up her ass connected to her hair causing a forced arch in her back and the predicament of easing the pull of the hook by leaving her ass turned high up in the air only to be begging for a painful beating.....or to tilt her hips down causing the hook to pull in deep in attempts to not appear to be begging for more spanking.  THIS is the display He had before Him.  How He was able to think with His brain and not His cock is amazing to me!



Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Embarrassed little girl.

"STORE CLOSING.....50% OFF!"

This is the sign my Man and I saw in the window of a saddlery store.  You know where this is going, don't you!?  We have talked about adding a crop to our toy box. We have even almost went a time or two to a store to find said riding crop.

This time....

We went inside!

A sale damn it.  I am a sucker for a sale.

As it turns out..... I'm also a prude!!!!!  I was SHOCKED at how embarrassed I felt.  I'm not sure if it was the older woman owner who could tell in the first 5 seconds that we knew nothing about horses?

"Are you looking for English or Western?" She says.

In my head I say,
"When He swats me really good we joke that he got some 'English' in it.  So, English?"

But, what comes out is,
"I don't know anything about horses."

Smooth..... Really smooth......

It becomes even more painful as I explain that my friend owns a horse (truth) and I'm looking for her (untruth).   I text my friend (truth) and casually say "she will text me to let me know what she wants" (untruth).

I slowly stroll up and down the isles.

I have no problem stairing in horny giddiness at the leather collars and straps....but the fucking crop.....I can't even make eye contact with it's
soft
striking
beautiful
brown
leather
goodness.

My internal dialog is a mess.

"Oh shit.
There they are.
Don't stare.
At the front?
How did we not see them!?!
Oh my God.
They're smaller than I thought.
Don't stare!
A whippy tail one?!
It's Christmas.
She sees it on my face.
This is NOT for a horse.
DON'T STARE!!!"

And, against every bet I would have ever made about my comfort with my sexuality......... We walked out...... Empty handed.

What the hell?!

Friday, July 22, 2016

Free reign.......

So, every month my Man gives me free reign (so to speak) for one day.  One day, same day of the month, every month.  Same day of the month as my birthday.  My time to ask, suggest, request..... I know that I have not used it fully.  

Some months the day comes and goes without my notice.....life is busy you know!  Other months I just don't know what to ask for.  

This time......

I'm on a mission!

What do I want from him??????
What do I want for me????????



He told me last night that I need to be fucked in the ass more.  I need to 'feel' his Dominance more.   I'm not too sure that I would have requested his technique, but feeling more Dominance....might be on my wish list.  

Free reign...........what's a girl to do!?!

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Back in the saddle.

Oh, how fun would it be if the title was reference to a real saddle......maybe a crop........

Back to the real post!!!

After a stint of a complete change in my away from home (working) hours we came to a realization.  O/our love and O/our life together is MOST important.  **Trust me, this is not something we ever questioned.....just re-committed to when a "golden" opportunity arose**  The new change offered much in many ways but it took away what my Man and I cherish most......U/us.   The vanilla us was completely unchanged.  No friction, no marriage frustrations....on the surface, I am sure our union looked even stonger as we supported each other through the upheaval.  But, the growing strength between us made our true life too unbalanced.

Zero spankings. I mean ZERO.

No mainatenence = scattered Pearl

No punishments = vanilla home

Vanilla home = like living with your buddy

Again, in the mainstream, all of this should work.  We should be content.  No complaints.....no strife......no problem!?    Wrong.   What it boils down to- is no passion.  I even struggled to cum when we did finally have a free moment to connect.  It is actually a bit terrifying when your Dom says "cum for me".........and......

You

Just

Can't.

"Terrifying" may seem like an exaggeration but here's the thing.  I am owned.  For the past 2+ years I only cum when he has given permission.  I masterbate if says I can.  I cum when he says "CUM".  And this works for us......this IS U/us!  We have worked very hard to create a life based on our love for each other and reject the conventional notion that materials and things make us who we are.

I am the naked woman in His bed.
I am the strong woman who softens when she has over-stepped with her words.
I am the reason he walks taller.

We still have to survive in the basic sense of needing "things".  But, there is such a difference when you choose to serve the wrong passion.  My service, my energy, all went elsewhere.  We chose to try it out.  We knew it may not be for U/us.  And......we were right.

He spent many nights without me.  I spent many days in a fog.  The balance was so off balance, it reminded me of the early days as I struggled to navigate professional control with personal servitude. All of the work we had done over the past 4 years was placed neatly to the side.  Pearl and her Man stepped aside while the typical life crept in......as I write this, I can visually see our life turning from one of vibrant color and a tangible warmth to a slow fade of gray.....a dull hum of living....a life equivalent to living with a buddy.

No thank you.

And, just like that.........we have decided to re-make our house..... O/our home.  Our home runs warm when I am there to finish dishes every night, as a good girl.  O/our home runs colored with passion when my Man (re)trains my body to respond to his.  O/our home has balance when His passion is to lead and my passion is to serve.  It's summer and the kiddos are home so the spanking in our home still needs some time to return but I assure you, my heart, my service, and my behind will be thankful when that amazing Man of mine bends me over our bed (or ties me down....) and reminds U/us both who we are in our home.  

And so......my dishes have been done, my towels are at the bedside (I was instructed to buy new towels just for me!!!!!!! Odd and ironic fact....as the color returns to our life.....I choose gray towels! WTF!!??), he has been focusing on retraining my body for pleasure and for service.  Did you all know that nipple pinching is a training tool?

Vanilla life.........it's boring and overrated.

We are back in the saddle......and with any luck, this good girl can earn a crop to make it complete!!!

Monday, June 27, 2016

One word......

I love a meme, thanks PK for sharing yours (a LONG time ago!!)

One word....
Describe:
1. Yourself: STRONG 
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend (spouse): KIND
3. Your hair:  LONG 
4. Your mother:  GONE
5. Your father:  GONE
6. Your favourite item: BED
7. Your dream last night: NONE
8. Your favourite drink: WATER
9. Your dream car: WRANGLER
10. The room you are in: OPEN
11. Your ex: UNIMPORTANT 
12. Your fear: DYING
13. What you want to be in 10 years? LOVED
14. Who you hung out with last night? FAMILY
15. What you're not? FAKE
16. Muffins: NAH
17. One of your wish list items: TIME
18. Time: MORNING
19. The last thing you did: COFFEE
20. What you are wearing:  PJ'S
21. Your favourite weather: AUTUMN
22. Your favourite book: AUTOBIOGRAPHIES
23. The last thing you ate: POPCORN
24. Your life: FULL
25. Your mood: REFLECTIVE
26. Your best friend: KP
27. What are you thinking about right now? HEADACHE 
28. Your car: SUNNY
29. What are you doing at the moment? ANSWERING 
30. Your summer: TRAVEL!?
31. Your relationship status: MARRIED
32. What is on your TV? NOTHING
33. What is the weather like? WARM
34. When is the last time you laughed? YESTERDAY
35. Your favourite colour? PURPLE

I showed you mine.......

Now, you show me yours!?!?
Remember, I love autobiographies =)





Saturday, June 18, 2016

Love and other drugs....

Kiddos off to Find Dory.....Mom and Dad left to have a night as Husband and wife.  A yummy light dinner.  I never seem to want to eat too much when the excitement of playtime is around the corner.  Best diet ever?!  If only playtime could be every day.....

Spooning......
Such a lovely way to cuddle.  As vanilla as drifting off to sleep......and other times NOT vanilla.  
Last night, not vanilla.

He absolutely loves to pinch my nipples.  This may be one thing I have found that although I would claim to not specifically enjoy....it has oddly/inexplicably/secretly/submissisively become a favorite of mine.  I still claim that I don't necessarily enjoy the act of having said nipples pinched.  But, there's that other side of the pleasure coin.....the side where pain/service/surrender/control/limits (and the lack thereof) all merge into a beautiful symphony.  

The fact that it is not my favorite activity is curious......
I did just cum in my own pants didn't I?

He absolutely loves to pinch my nipples.  And, now...it is my favorite of my unfavorites....

My soaking wet underwear along with his soaking wet hand confirm the inevitable.  I. Am. His. 

From my overly sensitive left nipple he seems to tease/torture more than the right....
To the wet spot between my legs.....

Everything 
Above
Below
And, in between.

His.

Mouth
Then pussy.
He enjoys me.

Come take this.

Back to mouth again....to collect my reward.

He offers a slight pause as His cum sits in my mouth.  Now this is not only REALLY a favorite of mine but there's that other side of the pleasure coin that makes the pleasure of this entire exchange almost too much to explain... Start with control, add a dash of objectification, and the lightly sprinkled humiliation as His puddle of cum sits on my tongue....mouth closed, tongue to the back of my throat preventing any from going down before He says so.   I imagine, in that moment, that I look ravishing.  My eyes peer up softly to Him.   

Swallow.

And, as His good girl always does......I say a genuine thank you when I am finished.









Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Summer break

Summer time.....always creates a spanking hiatus.  Those sweet little ears ever present.  Time to dust off the blind tilt (and any other silent spanker I can think of!).

I would LOVE to say that the spanking ceasefire is due to my perfect good girl behavior.  However, being that it would only cover punishment spankings there is way more to it than that.  I crave good girl spankings- not so much the other.  Sure, I crave correction and accountability for my actions but I do not enjoy disappointing my Man.  Quite the opposite.....as evidenced by my subbie title =)

The attention to my bottom makes everything right in my little corner of the world.

I asked my Man a short time ago why He likes to spank me.....
His answer was the most beautiful reply...and so accurate to where He puts me.

I like to see you in such painful calm.

I crave that painful calm.....how could I not?!

Saturday, April 30, 2016

Dream a little dream.

Although I wouldn't necessarily call this a nightmare, I certainly hated this dream...

I don't even know a name for where I was but basically I went to a play dungeon where Doms train subs.  I make my way through the initial meeting room and into the area for training/serving.  I have no idea if I am naked but I know that I am on my knees the entire time.  This doesn't feel sexual, it feels almost like a transaction or a communication.  I am not eager nor interested and although my body shows that I am in service, I am clearly NOT.  Even when he pulls out his hard cock and puts it to my face.  I turn away.  "There is no reason the lint on my dick is not in your mouth" he says to me.  Again, not sexual.  The feeling is one of defiance.  I don't have to serve, and I certainly don't have to serve him.  How this is not sexual is only something that makes sense in dreams......

At the end of the training, we are talking, as equals.  I apologize and admit that I didn't try at all.  I am the reason we got nowhere.  At some point it is suggested that my Man come next time, that all of this will work better if he is there.  The guy tells me, laughing, some Men don't like it until they see how it goes.

WTF?!
Not even sure this needs interpretation... Only motivation!

Friday, April 22, 2016

Inspiration

Or, the lack thereof......

My blogging has been falling to the wayside.  Not by intention at all, just life and the lack of time that comes with it.

A few years ago, maybe even a year ago?! My pause in blogging often meant that I needed time to think out some things.  This thing that W/we do can (often) be difficult to figure out.  It really requires you to not only trust that who you are at your core is valued and protected by another but you too have to learn to be worthy of that same trust.

These days, we are not by any means removed from all the "figuring out" time but we have settled in on so many levels.

Has that settling in turned into a lack of inspiration?

It feels like a yes and no.  So basically, I'm not sure =)

Life's businesses has a way of creating that lack of inspiration.  It's a domino effect.

And, before you know it............

You are on an empty blog page
Struggling.

More than lack of inspiration, could be the perceived and real lack of time.  Either way, it isn't a lack of wanting to write....is it?

The love of my life inspires me every single day.
Not every day has been filled with sexy time (it seems that milestone birthdays mean that your body just HAS to start revolting against you and your carefree health!).
But every day is filled with LOVE.




Saturday, March 26, 2016

Fire and ice

A paddling that rivaled most.
Followed by a lovely back rub.


I paddled you extra for the dishes being left......
Your back rub was for you starting a new job.......      
A little fire and ice.  


Friday, March 11, 2016

March Madness!

I would love to participate

in the annual question month!

Ask away!!

Outside of my unavoidable absence from blogland so far this March, I really do love learning new things about my blog friends!

It has been a busy March...little blogging time, little blog reading time.  Life goes on...and on...


He gave me a schedule today, to help with the anxiety, the insurmountable tasks....

I   LOVE   LISTS and SCHEDULES!!!  =)


Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Only the beginning...

In reference to me always researching and reading about This Thing That WE Do...
My Man said to me not long ago,

I want to punish you.
But you haven't done anything wrong. 
What is that called?

At the time my answer was,

Your choice.

I thought about it a lot more since that night and although I was right in that it would be His choice, I think the actual answer is that it would be called "sadistic".  

Deriving pleasure from inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on others.

Is my Man sadistic?
How do I feel about it... If he is??

If a Dom can assess His sub's true interest in activities by the wetness of her ever betraying cunt then I think I may be able to assess my Man's interest in sadistic type behaviors by the response of HIS growing cock.  To be quite honest, my Man is his absolutely MOST hard and long after he has been punishing my ass.  Spanking, paddling, blind tilt caning.... You name it...The proof cannot be denied.

The harder he swats-the more I squirm..
The more I squirm-the more he controls...
The more he controls-the deeper I surrender...
The deeper I surrender-the further he pushes my limits.

And, when I check....He appears to be enjoying himself very well.  =)

Does He derive pleasure from inflicting pain on me?
I think I can say, yes.
Tormenting, sexual pain....YES.
Injury pain.  No.

In many areas, I am stretched beyond my own comforts.

For His pleasure.
For my growth.
For O/our fun.

Would I go any of these places on my own?
Some, yes.
Others, certainly not.

Does He derive pleasure from my suffering?
Do I even suffer?
No.
I endure.
My limits are pushed.  My boundaries are stretched.
My trust in Him allows my own abilities to transcend what I can endure and how deeply I can feel.
O/our agreement to this lifestyle means I do not suffer.

Does He derive pleasure from humiliating me?
This is an interesting one.
My answer is surprising to me and I think it may surprise Him as well?
Yes.  He does in fact derive pleasure from humiliating me.

I have to refer back to the inflicting pain question.
Tormenting, sexual humiliation, YES.
Emotional injury.  No.

After I have been long since tied up, suitably used and spanked.
He likes to whisper in my ear...

How nice would it be for you to just have to watch as I fucked someone right over there.  
All tied up.  
You can't do anything but watch as I slide my cock all the way into her.

There is also the occasional face slapping as I take Him deep into my mouth.

I think He is just at the beginning of finding His love of humiliating me.  Objectifying me.
As the social conditioning wares thin we are left with what makes our hearts pound, our parts swell, and our bond deepen.

And, to answer my own question.....
If my Man is sadistic, how do I feel about it?

Wet.
-I guess I will just have to let Him interpret what that means!


Saturday, February 20, 2016

little poem for your reading pleasure.........

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue

I hate TMJ

And, my Owner does too.

_____________________________________________________


Holy shit if I can't open my mouth to even put a spoon of rice in there!  I think I may just calculate how much protein I have been (and will be) missing because of this.  Just when I need it most for healing!   BOO.

Monday, February 8, 2016

There is beauty in all that I am...because of You.

Text from my Man:
I thought you'd like this. I am doing some reading, trying to be a better me, in return making a better you.

"I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader.
I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness.
I want a man lying over me, always over me.
His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work,
his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot.
I don't mind working, holding my ground intellectually,
artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want
to be dominated.  I don't mind being told to stand on my
own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing,
I but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the
will of a male, at his time, his bidding."
-Anaïs Nin

My reply:
I could have written it- you are right, I love it. Thank you babe.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

He found it on a site/blog and thought that maybe it was something I wrote (until seeing the author's name at the end).  Besides the fact that, had I written this, it would have only referred to one male, it truly is who I am.  The fact that he saw this and saw, me, makes my heart full.  

Part of my femaleness and my service to who W/we are, is my ability to intellectually hold my ground and financially support my family.  Through blog land, I have come to realize that there is no "typical" power exchange relationship.  The books would have you believe that to be a true submissive you would be at home awaiting instruction at all times, on the ready and never having a purposeful role beyond.  They lay an unfair and unrealistic setting of the head of household earning millions in his suit and tie and his eye candy submissive serving drinks in stelletos and a corset made of rope when he returns home from a long day of Dominating the world.  Those books are steamy, hot, sexually charged, and fiction.  They have their place, they certainly do (I am guilty of reading until 4am in my sub-frenzy days).  But they lack responsibility to the truth of what this lifestyle can entail. 

Just as ridiculous as it would be to say that ONLY skinny, red headed girls with brown eyes would make a good submissive, I now find it ridiculous to question my true femaleness and submissiveness based on the fact that I am not maintaining the home.  I used to have conflicted understanding on who I was at home and who I was outside of the home.  This is no longer the case (I have other issues to obsess about now!).  

I am a submissive.  
I am HIS submissive alone. 
I masterbate only when given permission.
I am respectful in my words to Him.
I sleep by His side, naked.
I accept training to deep throat better.
I apologize when I gag.
I know my ass can and will be fucked any time He chooses.

I am spanked, 
as a maintenance reminder of who I am for U/us
as a way to give me focus and calm
and now, yes, I am spanked for punishment.

I make our bed each morning.
I finish dishes every night.
I shower and am in bed (naked) by 1030p. Every night.
If those maintenance chores are not completed. There is consequence.
There is no more allowance when my 12hour work day turns into 14hours. 
All of who I am is wrapped in the absolutely beautiful package of being the kind of submissive that my Man is in need of.  He does not wear a suit and tie to work but he still makes my heart stop.  In his own way- he saves the world.  That is much sexier to me than if he were to Dominate the world.  I prefer him to wait to shave.  I love the stubble, the scruff.  I love that I have now found TWO gray hairs in the scruff of his beard.  It makes me feel even more sexy, as I am not the only one aging.  

I don't have a martini awaiting his arrival home, he doesn't really drink anything more than iced tea.  He usually has chilled wine awaiting my arrival home.
I have never served him in a corset made of rope.
But DAMN do I hope to remedy that situation! 

New subbies (and Dom/mes for that matter), allow for YOU and your partner to decide what your power exchange will look like.   Read the books, read the articles, and PLEASE read the blogs =) you will find some new ideas and some new friends even.  Just know that only you and your partner can decide what makes you a good girl, pet, slave, baby girl, slut.

Monday, February 1, 2016

Do you trust me?

Pretty red panties
Paddle
Spanking stick (blind tilt)

I am layed out on our bed, pillows under my hips arching my lower back and tilting my soft bottom up for His pleasure.

He is very rhythmic today equal paddling to each side.  Changing up the rhythm just as I am used to it.
Paddle
Stick
Paddle
Stick

It is excruciating and intoxicating.

Do you want more?

I am tearlessly sobbing.

yes

The paddling continues as does the swats with the spanking stick/ blind tilt.

Then.
A pause.

Awe.  Honey.  We broke it.

He lays a 3inch piece of the blind tilt next to my head on the bed. I turn and look at it.

Do you like that?

yes
A little victory?  The blind tilt broke.  Not me.
I am wired a bit odd.  Beautifully odd.

The paddling and spanking continues.

Tearless sobs continue as he tells me....
Don't do that again.

I am in a fog.  I have been sobbing, moaning, and ouching, the whole time. What did I just do that I need to stop?

I loosen my clenched bottom.
Oh.
That.

The remainder of the paddling and spanking stick swats are done with my absolutely surrendered and  softened bottom.

You can take so much more now.
He is reflecting my ability to stay still as the intensity hits an all time high. (Pun intended).

Can you take more?

He asked me this a few times throughout.

This time, I don't have an answer.  My mind is scrambled.  There is no clear thought.
My bottom says "NO" but that other part of me..........she always wants more. Insatiable.

I..... I don't know.

Do you trust me?

YES!
I know this answer!  No doubt. Nothing is more clear at this moment.
YES.

I think you can take more.

Yes, Sir.
And, just like that.  That sliver of the world I held control to, resigned in my own stubbornness...left.

At some point. I am gathered into his arms.
Hugged.
Kissed.

He leads me towards the in window closed blind glass door.

Back up.
Press your bottom on the glass.

I am in an absolute fog as I comply with his orders.

Mmmmmm.........
Cool glass.   Hot bottom.
Mmmmmmmmmmmm..........




Sunday, January 17, 2016

Better for you.


It's not easy when you are the source of hurt.  To the one I would give my life for.  The actual event being months ago.  He wanted me to know.  He is wanting to be a better leader for me.  Wanting to research.  We have been there before.  He is brought back to my words....and hurt/angered all over again.

This  one is difficult not to regret.

We are good.  Amazing actually.  Some things just cannot be unread.  We will love each other through it all.  


Actions speak louder than words.

He corrected me.......

HIS actions speak louder than her words.


                                             Image result for beautiful submissive wife
Vulnerability?

Friday, January 15, 2016

"How to talk to wife about fisting"

From time to time I peak at the traffic sources on my stats for the current search phrases readers have used to find my blog.

To the husband looking to find out how to talk to his wife about fisting...... I wish you good luck!  If she is willing, it may open up a whole new world for you both.  It was my first act of submission to my Man and I am thankful we never looked back!!!

PS
Take it
S l o w.

PSS
How is this the first post of mine with the label "fisting"!?!? Maybe because I really don't like the word =).  (Update: I must have been sleeping when I looked at the labels for my posts...."fisting" is there....7 TIMES!!)

PSSS
I am noticing a trend about me and specific words lately.....

Monday, January 11, 2016

The "D" word.

I have never said much of anything on the topic, as I'm not sure I have a real opinion either way.  The word, however, has come out of my mouth twice now during play time.  Sure, I've said it in our vanilla life- very often in fact.  But, during sexy time!?

 Hmmmmmm.....

The first time was shortly after he read my hateful un-posted post.  I was in full clit orgasm denial and being punishingly teased and denyed.  I begged him, over and over to PLEASE use the little clit pump on me.  Not to cum- just to have some relief (like that really mattered- but I thought it did at the time).

Please babe!  Please!

NO

Please!!!

Over and over, the answer was
NO

Then, it came out.......

Please, Daddy!

NO!!

It was not acknowledged, there was no change of pace.

But
I
Said
It

I am not against calling him "Daddy", but that is a title that requires some discussion.  Maybe in the same way it would be good for him to know that calling me a "cum hungry whore with holes that are only good for fucking" does not gross me out or offend me, quite the opposite actually.  Having him call me that is a loving reminder that of all the fuck-holes on Earth, he chooses to fuck MY three fuck holes...and a proper "Thank you" would include opening wide when he says so.  (Now I'm wet. Damn it.)

The second time was more purposeful... He said he had been thinking about what he wanted to be referred to as, and how he wanted to refer to himself when taking to me.  As in...

Your {insert title here} wants you to shave your pussy.

"Dom"
"Master"
"Owner"

Don't specifically speak to him.

I sheepishly add...

i like calling you "Daddy". i just don't know if it creeps you out.

It doesn't creep me out.  
He answers, as he continues to slam his fingers into me.

And there you have it.  No title settled on but the "D" words is out in the open.

I have been searching names and titles for the Domly one in the house but nothing really sounds respectful, fitting and unique.  Many of the suggested titles are too bedroom play or scene based.  Nothing wrong with calling him "King" as long as we're dressed up for the occasion.  I can't take many of those titles seriously for the day to day.

Not sure if "Daddy" does anything for him...

Friday, January 8, 2016

A post for thought...

I save links to posts that speak to me and to who W/we are.  I save them to go back to, to re-visit, to share with you all, to share with my Man.

Dauntless Vitality authored a post on his blog, A Dauntless Journey, that very much spoke to me and to what it is I am and what I need as a sub.  "The Time And Effort She Deserves..." is well thought out, and very well written.  He actually used the exact word I have used before, "floundering".  I have seen one other blogger use that term to describe what it feels like to be figuring this all out and to feel like you are alone.  That word evokes a sense of vulnerability in me that I am still surprised by.  I associate vulnerability with fear.  Fear of loss, fear of rejection, fear of failure.

Is fear the very basis of vulnerability? Or, can vulnerability be based in a more positive emotion?  For me, I think I need a new word.  Being vulnerable conveys that I am risk.  I am not at risk.  My Man is not at risk.  I would like to think of vulnerability in a different light, with a positive spin, but I cannot.
  
Putting all that I have out there for him and He doing the same for me allows us room to grow in ways we could not have alone.  It opens us to stretching outside of our comfort zone.  Sometimes it is uncomfortable, sometimes even painful.  The pain may be inevitable, however, suffering is a choice.  We can grow through and because of the pain, but we do not suffer.  We grow.

Vulnerable is unprotected, I am not unprotected.  I have a protector.

This post may seem scattered, but I assure you, in my 110mph mind it makes complete sense =)

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

What do you get the Man who has everything?

As an anniversary gift to each other we had a night away in a little cabin, just for us.  This lifestyle requires a bit of soundproof privacy (if we are doing it right!) and we found our spot.  Not at all in the middle of nowhere but a personal cabin none the less.

My gift to him, the longest & best body massage of his life. I was honestly sweating everywhere as I pushed, pulled, dug in and worked out every knot over every inch of his body.  We were freshly out of the tub just prior so I also took some liberties to play with his ass a bit as I massaged him.  Licking and playing, just enough to remind him that this is NOT a massage from just anyone.  I can do things to him no one else in the world can do- and I very much wanted him to remember this massage as the best ever.

After about an hour I began incorporating the ass play more and more, making it obvious that this was now heading to the "happy ending" phase of the gift.  I LOVE a good long tease.  The build up is as sensual to my parts as I (think) it is for his!  How I can feel sub space when I am in charge and taking him over is beyond me, but I did.  I was drunk on the connection between us. I very slowly pushed into him looking to find that sweet spot.  I love to hear him, to hear his absolute passion for me and all that I do to him.  At some point he turns over and I have MY gift, hard and waiting for my mouth to take it in.

I want to consume him, both literally and figuratively.

I give him every sensation...
Shallow sensual adoration at the top.
Deep surrendered breathlessness to the bottom.
Never stopping my original intentions of milking every last drop from him.

He does not enjoy the level of sensation that I do, it's difficult for me to remember that.  But, I do, and I am careful to only do what makes him moan with pleasure.  I am rewarded with an absolutely full mouth. And like a very good girl, I swallowed.  Only after he said I could.