I remember a lesbian discussing the difference between actually wanting to be with a woman and just playing along with someone. She said, when you think of you and the woman are you doing things TO her or is she just doing things to you? Meaning- could it be just anyone between your legs or does it turn you on to lick her, hold her, make her cum?
This made sense to me. Do you really desire a woman and all the things you can do to her, with her, and for her? Or, are you just playing along to get yourself off?
I have been thinking that the same could apply to a Dom/sub pairing. If your partner is a sub and you love the way s/he serves you, love the constant blow jobs (or pussy worshiping), love the chores being completed, love the "yes, Sir/Mistress" respect, but do not take the reigns of leading your sub, do not take the reigns of disciplining your sub, do not take the reigns of pushing your sub's limits to help her/him reach the potential that you see in her/him are you really interested in being the Dominant or are you just playing along to get yourself off?