For those of my reader friends who have sent messages of love and support, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. This past two months has been like no other (and my Man and I have been through some shitty shit). Just over a week ago I started a new medication.
**this is not medical advice this is my personal blog for my personal journaling- if you are experiencing depression and/or anxiety you need to see your doctor**
What I can say is that taking Wellbutrin has given me back my life, my happiness, and I no longer feel like I am drowning. From the first dose, I felt like I could breath again. We were getting ready for a mini vacation and where I would normally have lost my shit...
I cried. I had no idea this calm feeling existed. I had no idea that I could be over 2 hours behind in my packing and prep and have it not ruin my mood and the first day of our trip. How I waited so long in misery I will never know but I am thankful that I finally asked for help.
It isn't easy to be the one in need. I hit a point where I could no longer handle the darkness. I cried every night. Obsessively played solitaire (how ironic) until my eyes could no longer stay open just to fall asleep. I slept with clothes on, afraid I may be noticed and touched by a Man who deserved to have his wife back long ago. That sweet, patient, Man who has seen every corner of my soul (and still wants more!?).
I am blogging (as best as I can handle) through it all. I can't only journal the light- I have to get out the dark. I have to get out of the dark. I have truthfully not cared if I lost every reader who was used to loving my sexy life blogging. The readers that remain, are those who see "me".
If you are looking for Pearl and her Man, we are still here...
Pearl and my Man. We are real. And this past two months has been some of the darkest we have ever seen. We will fight, like we have more times than is fair in one lifetime. How can we not?