Who I was yesterday is just a version of who I now am today. Yes, time has changed me. In ways I never imagined. But also in ways I had always hoped. I need to be okay with never being who I once was again. That is the trick.
My nature is not to be submissive, it is to attack with every ounce of my being.
Time had softened my sharp edges. Replaced the rigid confinements that held me coloring inside the lines and released me to really "feel". Time also unexpectedly created new lines and edges, waiting in the shadows to bring me to a grinding hault as I drifted.
When facing a freefall, I grasped for my well packed old parachute. MY parachute. To save me from MY freefall. I can do this. Alone.
I am not who I was yesterday. I see differently today. I see that my claws are out and that I am fighting with every ounce of my being. Alone.
It is my default. I recognize this old me. She is the one who created all that I have become. I regret nothing. But, I am okay with never being that version of me again.
Yet. Here I am. Deciding to fight. Alone.
I have forgotten something truly lovely about my life. I'm not actually alone.
Time allowed me to drop my guard. Time tricked me into believing that I no longer had a default mechanism equivalent to a self destruct button. When I wasn't looking- I became my own worst enemy.
It is now time. Time to allow the edges to be softened. Time to put away MY parachute and time to remember that not only am I NOT alone- I never was.