Thursday, June 4, 2015

This post makes me want to ask for some permission....

My Man and I have been talking a great deal about our D/s roles, O/our needs, my anxieties, and the consistency of his maintenance/leadership/control.  In the beginning of our spring cleaning he asked me something to the effect of "What's the worst that could happen if didn't lead for just one day?"  His intent was truly to have me see that the world wouldn't end without 100%, 100% of the time. 

I see it differently and it brought about a very needed conversation for us both.

It takes a great deal of trust to hand over control to someone else.  You agree to release your grip and trust that the other person is holding on safely to you.  To truly give myself freely and without keeping a half tightened grip I need to trust that HE is in control.  For me, it is a terrifying thought to release control and have no idea if anyone is there.  Yes, it is irrational to think that catastrophe is waiting around the corner but that is how it can feel and I needed Him to know.

So many moments link together to create our path, this is another one of those moments.  W/we are responsible for each other's safety and happiness.  W/we will stop at nothing.

I am learning that He has eliminated the idea of a time limit on our "spring cleaning".  What started out as a recharge, if you will, has evolved into who W/we are.  He has not left me wondering who is in charge.

On an awesome side note, my Man and I both noticed the other night that I haven't needed to take my anxiety medication almost at all this past month!

Coincidence?  I think not.

And, my behavior has earned some LOVELY rewards during this time!!

*My best subbie day ever earned me a toy I have been trying to earn for maybe a year??  I'm not going to spill the beans on it yet (as it has not been ordered yet), but I think I may have talked about it in prior posts =)

*Working well over 60 of the last 120 hours earned me a terrific session of cumming more times than I could coherently count!  My Man treated me to His scruffy facial hair between my legs, ordering me to cum into His mouth.  It felt like ages sense He forced my cunt open for Him, the sting of two then three fingers forcing my g-spot to give way and release for Him.  Maintenance spanking that covered all of my privatest of parts.  He pinched my clit until I cried out, my nipples treated as nothing more than a place for His fingers to squeeze until again that satisfying cry of pain preceded
my counting out of an orgasm.

As I am bent over, ass in the air- head on the bed, he is pulling and rubbing all of me.  Talking about my new expectations.  I will be eating either 2 pieces of fruit or fruit and yogurt for breakfast, coffee too, but nothing else.
yes, sir.

Yes, my Man has found His footing. He is an amazing leader, an amazing Dom, and an amazing Man.  Serving Him is the least I can do to properly thank Him for all that HE does!


  1. For the record, I did just ask for permission after we met for lunch. He just laughed and said "No! You went to bed without showering....I remember dishes soaking in the sink....". I put up a pout and " said I could just go to bed!"

    Seems that permission for bed does not excuse my missed expectations. And, I just noticed that yesterday was maintenance day- I have NEVER forgotten an impending maintenance- I MEAN NEVER!!! I was so exhausted after my working marathon...I can't help but wonder right now if tonight will be maintenance or correction????? He gave me the okay for both the soaking dishes and the no shower....but I'm not sure if there is need for correction in His book. My gut feeling. A huge yes. If He didn't think so He wouldn't have denied me. We will see, more to come I'm sure!
    XOXO Pearl

  2. What a fucking awesome post!!!! I feel the same way about Mistress K. She has found her footing and has much better traction. It might explain why we are both happier than ever.

    1. BIG complement coming from you my friend!! HUGE. Our better halves are truly creating an amazing life for us- how can we not be beaming with pride over all that they are for us and to us!?

      How on earth did you and I get this lucky?!?

  3. Oh, this makes me happy!

    I think when we finally let go of "stuff" (stop fighting for it or against it) it kinda settles to a place that just feels right. I know I have more stuff to let go of, and maybe you do to, but we are on our way! :)

    I got something special, extra special, for my birthday, that I've been holding off sharing on the blog. I want to post a picture! But he hasn't decided...if I can? Or maybe he hasn't decided what kind of picture?! :)

    One more thing, I've been giving it a lot of thought (as far as him and I), about that 100% of the time...even if it doesn't feel like he is leading, doesn't mean he's not, he's doing what he wants, and that's leading. Sometimes it's just not in the way I want, so it doesn't feel like he's doing it right.

    1. Damn it, I'm going to re-look through our comments together for your email Misty! It is seriously high time we start talking more- we have too much in common!! =)

      Yes to all of what you said! There is fear and freedom of letting all that "stuff" out. I am finding more and more freedom than anything else. Just a hint at my special have it and love it (if I remember correctly). The 100% has been my block. In the past he stated that he forgot maintenance day- Never in a million years would I think anyone could forget about maintenance day!!!! Not that I outright didn't believe him, I just thought "of course he forgot, he doesn't want to do that anyway". Then, I forgot last night! WTF!? I'll be damned if someone who needs spanking like it was water could forget it was due!!

      So happy to see you here Misty, I know you are working through your own path. Thank you my friend!!

    2. What a wonderful is very scary...and takes so much trust to give up conttol....and it can be such a glorious esperience. Love your last paragraph...
      hugs abby

    3. Thank you abby- it really can be glorious!!!

  4. This is so lovely, and awesome. So happy for you :) It's not easy to have that level of trust and give up control, but so rewarding. Love your last paragraph too :)


    1. It really is difficult- even with someone you know so well and trust with your life. Glorious and rewarding- all of this!!!!