Thursday, June 4, 2015
This post makes me want to ask for some permission....
My Man and I have been talking a great deal about our D/s roles, O/our needs, my anxieties, and the consistency of his maintenance/leadership/control. In the beginning of our spring cleaning he asked me something to the effect of "What's the worst that could happen if didn't lead for just one day?" His intent was truly to have me see that the world wouldn't end without 100%, 100% of the time.
I see it differently and it brought about a very needed conversation for us both.
It takes a great deal of trust to hand over control to someone else. You agree to release your grip and trust that the other person is holding on safely to you. To truly give myself freely and without keeping a half tightened grip I need to trust that HE is in control. For me, it is a terrifying thought to release control and have no idea if anyone is there. Yes, it is irrational to think that catastrophe is waiting around the corner but that is how it can feel and I needed Him to know.
So many moments link together to create our path, this is another one of those moments. W/we are responsible for each other's safety and happiness. W/we will stop at nothing.
I am learning that He has eliminated the idea of a time limit on our "spring cleaning". What started out as a recharge, if you will, has evolved into who W/we are. He has not left me wondering who is in charge.
On an awesome side note, my Man and I both noticed the other night that I haven't needed to take my anxiety medication almost at all this past month!
Coincidence? I think not.
And, my behavior has earned some LOVELY rewards during this time!!
*My best subbie day ever earned me a toy I have been trying to earn for maybe a year?? I'm not going to spill the beans on it yet (as it has not been ordered yet), but I think I may have talked about it in prior posts =)
*Working well over 60 of the last 120 hours earned me a terrific session of cumming more times than I could coherently count! My Man treated me to His scruffy facial hair between my legs, ordering me to cum into His mouth. It felt like ages sense He forced my cunt open for Him, the sting of two then three fingers forcing my g-spot to give way and release for Him. Maintenance spanking that covered all of my privatest of parts. He pinched my clit until I cried out, my nipples treated as nothing more than a place for His fingers to squeeze until again that satisfying cry of pain preceded
my counting out of an orgasm.
As I am bent over, ass in the air- head on the bed, he is pulling and rubbing all of me. Talking about my new expectations. I will be eating either 2 pieces of fruit or fruit and yogurt for breakfast, coffee too, but nothing else.
Yes, my Man has found His footing. He is an amazing leader, an amazing Dom, and an amazing Man. Serving Him is the least I can do to properly thank Him for all that HE does!