Long ago, my Man made a statement that I would never know him. If I think back hard, I think that it was meant to be an honest moment at the time but nowadays, we use it as a joke to each other.
How absurd it is that we don't know each other by now!?
However, the more I think about it....it isn't absurd when you take the time to really look at each other and work to discover all the little pieces that makes the other person who they are. Even more, I think of how much we have learned about O/ourselves in the past few years.
We spend time.
We look into ourselves.
Peeling away each layer.
We begin to let go of the layers that are no longer U/us.
And there we are, in need of getting to know O/ourselves, again.
In need of getting to know each other, again.
Maintenance is for U/us both. I know this now. I am learning more about this side of Him as He leads me through it.
Punishments don't appeal to Him, after years of me voicing my need for punishments, I KNOW this about Him. (yes, years =) I know I can be a tenacious little thing).
Something that He has discovered about Himself? Correction DOES appeal to Him. His maintenance stick also has some "correction" to it. My ass KNOWS this new little fact.
Learning this about my Man was an emotional discovery for me. Lecturing as each lash of correction reigned down on my soft repentant skin. Being made to say, aloud, all the items I had missed and fallen short of. As each shortcoming left my lips He followed with a fiery stripe of correction. My emotions were just disconnected and bubbling over.
This emotion made sense to me. My agreement to HIS decisions, in the way HE sees fit. Trust and submission. Correction was His choice for U/us, the submission in my heart needed to be brought out for me to embrace all that I am to be.
There is nothing quite like the calm that came over me. To be given freedom to follow His lead offers my soul the most sincere calm I have ever felt in my entire life. Every minute He leads I am set free. Truly free. One opinion matters, His.
This emotion struck me as odd, but I understood it. Welcomed it in fact. I was sad that when the bar rose up higher, I faltered. I disappointed Him. The sadness gave way very quickly. That emotion did not serve U/us. Lingering in sadness would not allow for correction.
After my Man lectured he paused and said something to the effect of me needing four more hard ones. I can't recall His exact word for "hard" but He clearly conveyed that I was in for the four hardest swats.
(He had not asked me to count but I did.)
My breath was taken away as I processed all the emotion and sensation.
I DIDN'T HEAR YOU.
two. I choked out.
Three and four were equally behavior changing as a flood of understanding flowed through me. This is no game. This is not play. I have expectations that I did not fulfill and I let us B/both down.
That was the oddest emotion of them all and the one that still lingers. My Man, this Man that I will never know ; ) has earned my respect, my trust, and my offer of all that I am. He has lead me HIS way and on HIS timetable. He has taken the time and effort to find how HE can best lead me and U/us. He found His footing in all this. In this thing that WE do.
I never knew He would be the Man to stop my mouth in it's tracks as I spout off with misplaced irritation.
I never knew that although a maintenance spanking would be due He would send me to get His "Correction Stick" and that I would already know what I had missed and was in need of correction for. I would return with that stick and instantly release my selfish intent and know that this would not be for maintenance, rather for a much needed correction.
So, what has He learned throughout all of this? I just asked Him =]. He has learned that this IS for both of U/us. He was skeptical before. Yes we were kinky always but this was very different and- W/we like it! He said that He has also learned how to take care of me better. Happy wife-Happy life.
Maybe we do know each other!