Tuesday, June 2, 2015

I will never know him. Maybe.

Long ago, my Man made a statement that I would never know him.  If I think back hard, I think that it was meant to be an honest moment at the time but nowadays, we use it as a joke to each other.

How absurd it is that we don't know each other by now!?

However, the more I think about it....it isn't absurd when you take the time to really look at each other and work to discover all the little pieces that makes the other person who they are.  Even more, I think of how much we have learned about O/ourselves in the past few years.

We spend time.

We look into ourselves.

Peeling away each layer.

We begin to let go of the layers that are no longer U/us.

And there we are, in need of getting to know O/ourselves, again.
In need of getting to know each other, again.

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Maintenance is for U/us both.  I know this now.  I am learning more about this side of Him as He leads me through it.

Punishments don't appeal to Him, after years of me voicing my need for punishments, I KNOW this about Him. (yes, years =)  I know I can be a tenacious little thing).

Something that He has discovered about Himself?  Correction DOES appeal to Him.  His maintenance stick also has some "correction" to it.  My ass KNOWS this new little fact.

Learning this about my Man was an emotional discovery for me.  Lecturing as each lash of correction reigned down on my soft repentant skin.  Being made to say, aloud, all the items I had missed and fallen short of.  As each shortcoming left my lips He followed with a fiery stripe of correction. My emotions were just disconnected and bubbling over.

Submission.
This emotion made sense to me.  My agreement to HIS decisions, in the way HE sees fit.  Trust and submission.  Correction was His choice for U/us, the submission in my heart needed to be brought out for me to embrace all that I am to be.

Calm.
There is nothing quite like the calm that came over me.  To be given freedom to follow His lead offers my soul the most sincere calm I have ever felt in my entire life.  Every minute He leads I am set free.  Truly free.  One opinion matters, His.

Sadness.
This emotion struck me as odd, but I understood it.  Welcomed it in fact.  I was sad that when the bar rose up higher, I faltered.  I disappointed Him.  The sadness gave way very quickly.  That emotion did not serve U/us.  Lingering in sadness would not allow for correction.

Repentance.
After my Man lectured he paused and said something to the effect of me needing four more hard ones.  I can't recall His exact word for "hard" but He clearly conveyed that I was in for the four hardest swats.

SWAT
one! 
(He had not asked me to count but I did.)

SWAT!
My breath was taken away as I processed all the emotion and sensation.
I DIDN'T HEAR YOU.

t-
two. I choked out.

Three and four were equally behavior changing as a flood of understanding flowed through me.  This is no game.  This is not play.  I have expectations that I did not fulfill and I let us B/both down.

Pride.
That was the oddest emotion of them all and the one that still lingers.  My Man, this Man that I will never know ; ) has earned my respect, my trust, and my offer of all that I am.  He has lead me HIS way and on HIS timetable.  He has taken the time and effort to find how HE can best lead me and U/us. He found His footing in all this.  In this thing that WE do.

I never knew He would be the Man to stop my mouth in it's tracks as I spout off with misplaced irritation.

I never knew that although a maintenance spanking would be due He would send me to get His "Correction Stick" and that I would already know what I had missed and was in need of correction for.  I would return with that stick and instantly release my selfish intent and know that this would not be for maintenance, rather for a much needed correction.

 So, what has He learned throughout all of this?  I just asked Him =]. He has learned that this IS for both of U/us.  He was skeptical before. Yes we were kinky always but this was very different and- W/we like it!  He said that He has also learned how to take care of me better. Happy wife-Happy life.


 Maybe we do know each other!

10 comments:

  1. It is wonderful to hear that things are moving in a direction that makes you both happy!

    xo

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    1. lg, it really is. I really didn't expect our "spring cleaning" to be a comfortable level of D/s for him, but we were both committed to heightening our commitments and here we are. His sharp reaction to my typical attitude slip still truly surprise me- but HIS confidence is amazing and I am very quick to remember that there is no place for that.

      Thanks as always lg for your positive thoughts!!

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  2. Nice post. Happy wife happy life is a great motto to live by :)

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    1. It has been his motto for years! I'm a lucky wife!!
      Thanks lillyanna.

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  3. Pearl, I had to come back and reply again. My previous post was just "wow". It was "wow" because those words spoke directly to me and it was as if I was feeling those stings of those swats as I was reading. Thank you my dear!

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    1. =)
      Thank you ship! I have no idea if my post made any sense but the range of emotions was just crazy to try to capture.

      There is something uncontrollably sexy about my Man when he takes control in all aspects of our life. My "misplaced irritation" occurred while we were on the phone and my frustration with someone else caused me to talk to him truly disrespectfully. Very often my Man would let it slide or he would just say a no big deal "you know I'm not the one who pissed you off". Not this time. The tone in his voice changed and he said something to the effect of "I don't know who the fuck you think you're talking to, but you are NOT to talk to me like that." It literally stopped me in my sassy-ass tracks!! I felt the surrender throughout my body. It is such an instant calm when he tightens his grip. It moved from our typical husband/wife conversation to all the formalities of D/s. I quickly apologized and followed it with a "yes, sir".

      This ritual has become so ingrained into who we are now. He has a tone, body posture, and overall noticeable change when I have crossed the line. My response in these moments is an absolute natural release of control. Before, when he wasn't asserting with a stronger will than my own I just kept going. It was so confusing and not a great cycle for us. He has really created such a beautiful dynamic between the two of us. I am so very thankful for where we have come.

      XOXO Thank you my friend!

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  4. This is awesome Pearl ... ouch but awesome lol. Sounds like you two have had a lot of growth, both as individuals and as a couple :)

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. ouch =)

      Roz, we really have both come so far. It amazes me to think about! And you're right, so much of all of this is wrapped up in finding out who we are separate and together. It can be scary to think that the individual growth may send you in different directions- I'm sure that prevents most people from even trying.

      XOXO

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