Monday, April 27, 2015

I cry uncle.

So, here in the states, we have a term "crying uncle" (curious if my far off friends use this too).  I learned that term at a young age as the only way to get my brother to stop hitting me or a similar situation where I was just bound to lose and needed a way to get out and just give up in self preservation.  You have to say "uncle" and in doing so you admit you are weak, you stand no chance and you have just had enough.  (As I start this post, I can see how you as the reader could see this going so many different positive ways, however, I assure you, it really does not~ sorry.)

Today, I wanted to write.

I wanted to write and cry uncle. 
I have needed maintenance. 
I have asked for maintenance. 

A few swats here and there but no maintenance.  
I am way off and I am struggling to find my footing.

After a few good belt swats today while were having sex, it was all over.  Starting a spanking and not following through is too much for me, and not a good too much.  It opens me up then leaves me bare to fight off the little fucker all by myself. 

He asked me what I needed. 

nothing.

Pearl, what do you need?

nothing, I'm fine.
 
He stairs at me, half expectant of me to give an answer and half expectant that He knows me better and that I will continue saying, nothing.

i think i just really need more.  but it's fine.  i understand.
truly, i understand nothing.  i can't keep asking.  i have just had enough.  fine, uncle.

A short time later we get into the car to start running our errands. 

Some maintenance tonight?
He says.

yes.
I reply with relieved but cautious expectations.

And, just like that, crisis post averted.?
______________________________________________________________

NO.

We come home to an alarm sounding in our basement.  Our water alarm that we placed less than a month ago when our basement flooded to alert us if water collects again.  Two basement floods for two different household issues, in the span of a month.  What the fuck.

I have never heard my Man yell "FUCK!" louder in all my life.  Over and over.   
WHAT THE FUCK!

Truth be told, I am typing this in between moving the super industrial water vacuum over our wadding pool basement.

No waterly advice needed.  We are seriously becoming quite good at the clean-up process.

I have just had enough and I needed somewhere safe.

I cry uncle.

14 comments:

  1. Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear that! What an awful pain. I have never heard of a water alarm, but we've had two basement leaks in our old home and they were a nightmare. We have a sump pump go out and what a mess! Is a water vacuum like a shop vac?
    I hope it clears up well for you on all accounts!
    Hugs, -E

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    1. The water alarm is awesome- it's a small box with a sensor that when in contact with moisture it alarms the SOS beeping (kind of funny). Water vacuum was an industrial shampooer actually, we just didn't shampoo!

      Thanks so much for your message E, it's very much appreciated!

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  2. That just sucks all the way around.

    xo

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    1. lg- it's like a bad joke sometimes! We were actually coming home with other rented equipment (sanders and stuff) to refinish our floors...we just turned right back around to pick up the water clean up equipment. Just crazy. It is what it is. Basement is now dry and the flooring upstairs is coming along beautifully.

      In the absence of any alone time or any non-home improvement time- maintenance will just have to wait a bit longer. My priorities are not where they need to be- I am working on that.

      Thanks for checking in!

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  3. That does suck all the way around, but sweetheart, I'd like to point out that when he asks "Pearl, what do you need?" and then your reply "nothing, I'm fine.", it makes me want to encourage you to do as much as you can to relieve your situation. You know, the thing you have control over. In the end, if you don't, you'll likely end up being pissed off that your husband is a shitty mind reader.

    Sending love your way.

    XO

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    1. Thank you for calling me out SHIP. I mean that.

      It is a pretty shitty expectation on my part that he just 'know" what I need. Even shittier is that when he gave me the opportunity to say what I needed, I made the choice to lie. Being a martyr is NOT a quality I ever want to develop inside of me, but in that moment, I was not being submissive- I was pouting and damn close to acting like a martyr.

      After asking for maintenance many times and not having it happen, I started to slowly hide inside. That's my big flaw that I need to improve on and change.

      Thank you again SHIP- your friendship means a great deal to me.

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  4. Dear Pearl,

    I agree with Sub Hub, nobody can read minds and it is so necessary to be clear about what you need. Because when your needs aren't met, you finally loose out in that closeness you need in D/s. The closeness of open and honest communication is just how he knows what you need.
    And I am an introvert, so I know how hard it is. And I know, because I have been raised as a woman, where you swallow and go on without thinking of what you need and want.
    As a submissive you deserve maintenance but don't send the other into the woods of doing a guessing game, it is unfair. You need to be loving to him and to your self.
    Love ya
    ara

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    1. "...open and honest communication..." I missed that boat didn't I?!

      I am very much an introvert and even more so when I am overwhelmed/stressed/you name it. That's no reason for me to expect that he plays the guessing game of "What do you need?".

      Thanks so much ara, like sub-hub calling me out too, sometimes you just need to hear that you're being an idiot!
      XOXO Pearl

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  5. Oh Pearl I'm so sorry. Don't you hate it when life gets in the way, especially when it messes everything up. I don't envy you - there was a time when our basement flooded year after year. And not getting the maintenance, the attention you need. Right there with you sistah. Maybe it's the week, maybe it's the price we have to pay as we head into May. Whatever it is, keep your chin up and take care. Hugs.

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    1. Life can just kick us in the pants when we aren't expecting it!

      I am so hoping that we both find ourselves in a much calmer state soon (much sooner than the end of May I hope!!)

      XOXO Pearl

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  6. Hugs. Crying uncle is exactly where i am at right now. I get it. Hugs.

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    1. hs,
      No good =(

      Hang in there. It really can just be overwhelming when you aren't sure how the heck to get to where you need to be. I hope things look up for you very soon!

      XOXO Pearl

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  7. Sending huge ((hugs)) Pearl. Hope things get better and that you get what you need soon.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Always appreciated Roz! We are working on it.
      XOXO Pearl

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