Monday, April 27, 2015

I cry uncle.

So, here in the states, we have a term "crying uncle" (curious if my far off friends use this too).  I learned that term at a young age as the only way to get my brother to stop hitting me or a similar situation where I was just bound to lose and needed a way to get out and just give up in self preservation.  You have to say "uncle" and in doing so you admit you are weak, you stand no chance and you have just had enough.  (As I start this post, I can see how you as the reader could see this going so many different positive ways, however, I assure you, it really does not~ sorry.)

Today, I wanted to write.

I wanted to write and cry uncle. 
I have needed maintenance. 
I have asked for maintenance. 

A few swats here and there but no maintenance.  
I am way off and I am struggling to find my footing.

After a few good belt swats today while were having sex, it was all over.  Starting a spanking and not following through is too much for me, and not a good too much.  It opens me up then leaves me bare to fight off the little fucker all by myself. 

He asked me what I needed. 

nothing.

Pearl, what do you need?

nothing, I'm fine.
 
He stairs at me, half expectant of me to give an answer and half expectant that He knows me better and that I will continue saying, nothing.

i think i just really need more.  but it's fine.  i understand.
truly, i understand nothing.  i can't keep asking.  i have just had enough.  fine, uncle.

A short time later we get into the car to start running our errands. 

Some maintenance tonight?
He says.

yes.
I reply with relieved but cautious expectations.

And, just like that, crisis post averted.?
______________________________________________________________

NO.

We come home to an alarm sounding in our basement.  Our water alarm that we placed less than a month ago when our basement flooded to alert us if water collects again.  Two basement floods for two different household issues, in the span of a month.  What the fuck.

I have never heard my Man yell "FUCK!" louder in all my life.  Over and over.   
WHAT THE FUCK!

Truth be told, I am typing this in between moving the super industrial water vacuum over our wadding pool basement.

No waterly advice needed.  We are seriously becoming quite good at the clean-up process.

I have just had enough and I needed somewhere safe.

I cry uncle.

Friday, April 24, 2015

Of utmost fetish concerns....

My Man has a worry.

Will "normal" sex become so uninteresting that it will no longer easily make him hard? 
Simply laying in bed next to me might not be enough at some point.

Should I feel offended?  Because, I am not.  I actually giggled like a school girl when he said that.  Wanting to take control, direct my body, tie me up and cause me delicious pain makes Him longer and harder than normal.  I know this and I LOVE THIS.  I am not offended.  I am not disappointed. 

Becoming harder and hornier because of all he loves to do to me is one reason we are who we are.  Marriage can become stale if no-one is looking.  There is a time and place for missionary, kissing, hugging, holding hands and spooning.  There is nothing wrong with any of that, I love those parts of U/us.  However, there is also a place for restraint and restraints, spankings and rules, ropes and floggers, belts and deep throat training.  W/we were made to scratch each others itches. 

How I meant to start this post is that my Man has a FETISH I think!

Friday, April 10, 2015

The intimacy of calling Him Sir.

I wanted to welcome Ara who is a newer follower of my blog here.   

When I went onto her blog page the first post started with a quote discussing something I have wanted to write about on my blog for a long time but just wasn't sure how to address it or incorporate it. 

"It is bound to happen at least once a month. Someone is talking to me and they call me "Sir" out of protocol-driven deference.  It's meant to sound respectful, but it also sounds a bit too intimate for me."
Author: Baronvonaaron on fetlife
The blog post is from a Dom and goes on to talk about other situations of subs (not this Dom's subs) kneeling for him or expecting to serve him.  Outside of an absolute explicit direction from my Man I would never in a MILLION years kneel for anyone other than HIM.  Since our dynamic change I have even worked to break my friendly habit of saying "Yes, Sir" to others.  It just feels very wrong to me now.

Now my Man and I have had no in person time with other D/s people but I feel that this does come up in blogging often in it's own way.  Many blogger names reflect their titles or D/s stance in the home/relationships.  I get this, it is who they are and how they identify themselves, however, I just cannot call them "Master___" or "Sir___".    I completely agree, it's a bit too intimate for me.  Even my buddy subhub- his LOVELY Mistress K is HIS Mistress K.  I cannot refer to her as "Mistress K".   To me, Dom/Master/Mistress/Sir/Daddy (and so on) are titles reserved to be spoken by those who serve them, not me.  

I in no way feel odd when others use the titles for each other in blogland.  For some, this lifestyle is a full lifestyle, complete with their Dom/Domme's expectation that they serve to the fullest extent at all times.   My Man does not have that expectation of me and he is very aware of my intent to follow His lead.

That being said, if my Man were to request my submission towards others- it would happen.  Yes, there are a few people I can think of that it would literally burn as it rolled off my tongue, but all in all, I crave His input and His direction.  Come to think of it, I have been open about my need for punishments/consequences.  There is one person that I am certain he would only have me say "Yes, Sir" to as a form of punishment =)  and I would HATE every minute of that cruel and unusual punishment!   

Monday, April 6, 2015

Real Neat Blog....



I was nominated for the Real Neat Blog Award by Julia one of my favorite bloggers- thanks Julia!!

Real Neat Blog Award Rules


1. Put the Award Logo in your post.

2. Answer 7 questions asked by the person who nominated you.

4. Nominate any number of bloggers you like, linking to their blogs.

5. Let them know you nominated them.

Questions from Julia: 

1. Are you an outdoorsy kind of person?
YES!  Very much so.  I love hiking, kayaking, camping (we have a camper- I'm not a tent person any more).  The best vacations are out in nature- we are currently planning our next adventure!  

2. What is one thing you would tell yourself if you could go and visit yourself ten years ago?
Great question and a rough one to answer. 10 years ago would have put us right in the thick of probably our most disconnected time during our marriage.  The one thing I would have told myself is to take a breath.  I'm not sure expanding would make any sense but overall my inability to just stop and be still (if even for ONE small moment) prevented me from fully enjoying that time in our life.  Medication could have been useful too =) 

3. What do you like about blogging and how did you get into it?
I most enjoy the personal stories and contact with others living a similar lifestyle.  Journaling is wonderful but I would miss out on those personal interactions.  I got into blogging by searching and searching a million terms similar to "sexually submissive wife".  I always added "sex" into the search because although I wanted to learn about full submission, I was wanting to avoid the Biblical submissive wife perspective.  I grew up with Catholic guilt as a guide- I have NO quilt on the way I choose to live and I very much wanted to read and to blog about full submission in and out of the bedroom.

4. What is the last thing you did that you were super proud of?
I earned a specialty certification in an area above my career expertise- and afterwards I was told that I am the first person to earn this certification in our organization =)  I worked many months to prepare for it and I was really, really excited when I passed the exam.  I actually sat in my car and cried before I called my Man.

5. How is the weather outside right now?
OOoooo.....sunny but still cold/cool (50's I think).  The sun is really shining- we even had our sunroof open as we ran errands today!

6. Where are your blog visitors from?
Let me check.
Here is a quick cut and paste!  Very interesting question, and answer.
United States

Ukraine

Canada

Finland

United Kingdom

India

Switzerland

Australia

Denmark

New Zealand       

7. Which blog post(s) are you most proud of or happy to have written down? 
 This might be my favorite question you asked because I get to peak past at my posts!  Without looking I am going to answer that I am most proud of my very first blog post.  This post is completely U/us.  When I re-read it, I can feel that pain down in my gut.  I remember that time in our life and there is nothing I would change in the way my writing captured that.  I had no idea how it would be received but I very much felt that anyone who understood my feelings would be someone I would want returning to my blog in the future and I knew that I would be led to blogs that would speak to me as well.
After reading through some of my old posts I also am very proud of a few others for pretty much the same reason as why I love my first post.  Behind the Curtain  felt good to write and to account for our everyday imperfections.  I loved looking through my old posts!  Thank you so much Julia for the terrific questions!!

I LOVE these questions from Julia and want to pass on these same questions for the blogs I nominate.
I nominate a few blogger friends I don't hear from as much as I would like =)

subkitty at hisomega.blogspot.com
Aurora at notyoureverydayfairytale.blogspot.com

Brooke Austin....I see your blog is closed =(  I would still love to hear from you here or in email if you are up for it.

 

Saturday, April 4, 2015

Found a little bit of time to attend to the blog.....

For all my amazing blogging friends who have taken the time to comment on my last few posts.....
THANK YOU!!!!

And, I finally found some extra time to answer back.  Sorry it took me so long!