Sunday, February 15, 2015

Why do vanilla's fear BDSM? Part 1

Hearing the mainstream discussions surrounding "50 Shades" and the kinky fuckery that occurs I can't help but get frustrated at the ignorance surrounding the BDSM (and similar varieties) lifestyle.

B- Bondage
The bondage can be physical.  Rope, cuffs, scarves, restraints, ties, and that's not even the creative list.  The mainstream/vanilla seem to ONLY see the physical bondage.  They hear "bondage" and picture a woman screaming in protest, tied down against her will, with no regard for her safety let alone her needs.  What are they missing?  The answers could go on and on, I know, but what it boils down to is that mainstream/vanilla folks are missing the true meaning of "bondage" in a BDSM relationship.  In a safe, sane and consensual BDSM lifestyle the bondage is the shift of power.  I, the submissive, have it in my heart (and yes, maybe in a written agreement) that my Dom/Owner's rules, boundaries, constraints, and yes, restraints bring out the amazing person that I am meant to be.  I am not powerless.  It's not a simple "no" really means "yes".  We have decided on the "yes" long before I am screaming "NO".  He is not a stranger.  He is not disregarding my safety.  I am the reason HIS heart smiles.

On any given day, is it possible that you may find me tied down and screaming?
If I'm lucky, HELL YES!

Joshua 100% NSFW (Not Safe For Work) BDSM (Bondage, Domination, submissive, Sadism, Masochism) . End of History. xxxreesareesareesaxxx: ❤ So True ~~~~~

10 comments:

  1. Sadly, to read some of what my own family has spouted on social media about this movie...well it has left me hurt and frustrated. And the worst part, is they speak of things they do not know. They haven't read the book, would never dream of seeing the movie, know nothing of the lifestyle...yet in theory I am the "ignorant" one and my husband is "disgusting". No wonder we have to hide who we really are!!

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    1. Goodness my time on the blog has been limited!! Sorry no reply until now.

      If you can believe it, I actually took my mother in law to see "50 Shades"! She has no idea of our lifestyle but in a round about way, her loving the story and now the movie (and trust me, she is old school teacher grandma not some hip lady) makes me feel supported in some way.

      My frustration was largely based on one facebook friend posting a plea for woman to not support rape, abuse, and degradation by not going to see the movie. And then on the news a man accused of rape said that he was just trying to do a 50 shades scene. Really?! You were trying to RAPE someone who did not want you on them or in them- that is NOTHING like the movie or the reality of this lifestyle.

      Ugg....more parts to come. It feels good to blog about my passion.

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  2. I said this somewhere else but, it's all about perspective. They see it one way and one way only, they don't 'want' to see it any other way. It's not much different than how gays and those with darker skin were once thought of.

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    1. Agreed. In every area.

      We fear what we don't know.

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  3. I know LG, Misty and I have commented on this before. I myself am conflicted about the whole thing. Aside from the story being a crappy work of fiction, I don't think it accurately portrays the lifestyle and therefore has opened the door for the DV advocates to run with it touting how the story is not about love or sexual fantasy but rather an abusive relationship. In all honesty, I can't really disagree because I don't view the relationship between the characters as an equal and consensual power exchange. However at the end of the day, I remind myself that IT'S A CRAPPY WORK OF FICTION :-). For the most part, in the vanilla world, I have kept my thoughts to myself and have not chimed in. I know my friends and family would never understand the dynamics of the behind closed doors relationship I have with my husband. Thankfully I am able to find much support here in blogland. As for 50 Shades, whatever - as Taylor Swift says "and the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate..." therefore we just need to shake it off.

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    1. I actually am opposite on my view of the movie and books. I wasn't looking for or judging the book on the specifics, for me it was the effect the whole of it had on me and my life. It gave me frame of reference, it gave me the avenue to explore, it gave me the spark to be where I am today. I knew who I was I just never knew what I was (if that makes any sense). I am very much not a 50 Shades hater =)

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  4. Love this Pearl. Well said :)

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Thank you Roz! I do plan on following this up with the remainder of the B- DSM =)

      Now, to find the time!

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  5. I know its so hard to constantly think, well if only you cared enough to try and understand it more, but there are so many things where I keep thinking it, not just the topics surrounding 50 Shades of Grey.

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    1. Agreed here as well Julia!

      I am sure I am guilty of wearing the horse blinders too sometimes.

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