Friday, December 5, 2014

Accountability, for BIG and small. Discussion in the day time.

Circumstances beyond our control always seem to butt into our perfectly happy dynamic.  Work is most often that one little annoying factor that prevents us from being U/us.

Work takes over.
Exhaustion sets in.
R/roles are passively ignored.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

I mentioned to my Man that maybe we needed "a day".  You know, A-DAY.
A day.
To re-connect.
To re-focus.
A day where my ass is so red and stripey that I can no longer passively ignore O/our roles in our home.
A DAY.

He says that I have been good.
He says that this whole past week I have been respectful and good with him, with the kids, all of it.

I droop in my seat.

In his eyes, yes, I have been a good wife.  But in my eyes, I am in no way holding up my end of THIS dynamic.  I am skating through by just not being an outright asshole.  No more, no less.  I am average (something that has never sat well with me).  He feels that good enough is good enough right now.  I disagree.  I want him to expect more of me and of U/us.

There is no need to argue.
Is there?

Sometimes maybe good enough really is good enough?

If you have it, recognize that it's a condition, not a healthy mindset you should feed.  Recognizing it is the first step.
Does feeling that "good enough" is NOT good enough really mean that I am atelophobic!?


4 comments:

  1. Hi Pearl, it's good that he is happy with your submission, but you let him know how you feel. Life getting in the way sucks.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. I am trying Roz. Thank you so much. The longer we go with a disconnect the more difficult I find it to say what I need. Not sure why.

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  2. I am having this EXACT problem!

    I think the problem is that I know I can do better and I want him to see that too. I mean, I know he is the one that gets to deside and I try not to get ahead of him, because that leads to no good, but...I could have done better!! lol.

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    Replies
    1. So frustrating! When I reach out and he feels were fine I really lose my footing. I am not sure if it is me fighting to control? Why do I/we always need to be more?!

      Something needs to give in our home right now. I am really struggling, I know my Man is too. I am just not sure right now where to go. We'll see.

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