Sunday, October 19, 2014

He said, she said. Miss-Communication strikes again.

Have you and your partner ever had a discussion/conversation where you were each carrying on your OWN conversations and neither of you were catching on?

In an unimportant subject, this could be funny.  He thinks we agreed to go out for dinner, I think we agreed to stay in.  Plans are made, and we find out when he "meets" me at the restaurant and I am fervently cooking at home.  Ha ha Ha!  Oh, what a silly misunderstanding!  And, the night goes on...

This was NOT our situation!

Through vanilla life circumstances, we are in a very acknowledged situation of difficulty with my submission.  My work (again) requires my full attention and in many ways it has to come first (this is a discussion for a different post, I know).  WE also come first, if that makes any sense at all.  D/s is full time for us.  In the bedroom only was out long ago.

That being said, we began a discussion on how to get me back on track.

I stated to my Man,

I know that things will evolve and change but overall, don't you think that we are past the question on if this is what we want?

He asked me to say it again.  I did.

His response,

NO.  

Mind you, he stated this with a great deal of conviction.  I was taken aback.

Does he think that we still need to discuss IF we both want this?

For the rest of the day, we were

Off.

He was short with me and mostly silent.  I felt, confused and hurt.

Did I screw up that badly?

More communication errors at bedtime.  He was about to get into bed, I scrambled and said WAIT!  I had clothes on the bed and didn't want him to have to clean it off.  (It is also the expectation that I get his side of the bed ready and fluff up/straighten up the feather bed.)

I moved the clothes and that was it, he got into bed.

I climbed over him and playfully stated that I wish it was one of my days (I get two set days a month where I can question, request, and suggest).

I thought we were done with that?

What?!  When did you take those away?

And the long day of miscommunication FINALLY comes to an end!

You said you didn't want to do this anymore.

WHAT THE FUCK?!
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As we break down the day we realize the horrible situation we were both in.

I wanted clarification and reassurance that no matter how difficult this can get, we are way past worrying if this is for us or not.  In his answer, I heard that we are NOT past asking if this is for us.  Ouch.

My Man asked me to repeat what I said and in my clarified answer he still heard that I felt that we are beyond needing this.   We can always change, but we don't need this.  OUCH!

Somehow we both mistakenly heard that the other was NOT fully invested in our commitment.

To hear the hurt in his voice, it broke my heart and equally warmed my soul.

I just kept thinking 'How the fuck can I NOT do this?'  I don't think I could go back.

_________________________________________________________

When it comes down to it, our disconnect over the past month allowed fear to creep in.
Our disconnect hid the truth.

I could focus on the disconnect, or I could focus on the fact that we came back to U/us.

In the end, that is all that matters.  We ended the day as U/us.



10 comments:

  1. So glad it did not go past a day. You reconciled it and that is what is important.

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    1. HS, you are so right! As we lay in bed I kept saying over and over how thankful I was that we did NOT go to sleep with that in our hearts!

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  2. Oh goodness, wires totally crossed! No matter how hard we work on communication it still happens occasionally unfortunately. So glad you figured it out and realised you are on the same page.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. TOTALLY crossed is correct! We were floored at how off base we were after being in the same conversation.

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  3. We miscommunicate at least once a week. It is so frustrating. And with mercury in retrograde it becomes even worse. I am thinking that was your problem,.. Glad it's all straight now!

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    1. Makes me think of the times we miscommunicate and do NOT figure out that we were off.

      We are so glad to be on the same page agian!

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  4. We miscommunicate all the time. Everyone does. Some couples are able to recognize miscommunication faster than other and thus are able to avoi the pitfalls of it better. There is one thing though, that absolutely corrects any form of miscommunication whatsoever .... Mistress' paddle!

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    1. Back to my bucket list... =)
      I have a sneaky feeling that one day I will regret ever asking for punishments but I agree- your Mistress' paddle will clear it up and then you are both free to move on from it.

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  5. Arg, I hate the anguish that ttwd can bring. It seems that ups and down are so much more intensive!
    But to know all this came from not having understood one another is on one hand so frustrating, but so uniting once the mistake is realized. So, the positive ending outweighs the negative, definitely!

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    1. It is a love/hate with this thing we do. The lows are just, painful. But the highs (and the fact that we feel anything to the degree that we do at all) make this dynamic so amazing.

      Without the expectations, we would have went to bed in our respective corners. We would have had no conversation, no connection time. Just resentment slowly building.

      This works for us and it was a difficult way to find out, but I think we were both so very relieved to hear how much the other was effected when we were faced with NOT having this in our lives.

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