Saturday, September 6, 2014

I am not in THE mood, I am in A mood.

When my head swirls I feel the need to dump.  A list, if you will, of all the clutter messing around in there.

-I am sad. Sad actually doesn't cover it.  True heartbreaking emptiness is filling every corner of my heart as I watch a loved one unexpectedly slip into a coma, and soon expected death, over a stupid, random, no big deal event.  Goddamn tragic.

-I have made the recent choice to work more.  For my family, for my co-workers, for those I work "for".  All in attempts to earn better, do better, and be better.  And for the most part, it has backfired.  Having to fight for the compensation is ridiculous.  Being gone from home enough for my children to literally assume that I will NOT be home for anything.  They are not even being spiteful.  They honestly go to my Man first for EVERYTHING right now.  Every call goes to him, every bit of news on their day slides right past me.  At one point I had not even see my children in 3 days.  You would never know that being a mom comes first to me right now.

-I actually have a full FUCKING tree on my house!  It is covering a power-line so the electric co. has to come remove that piece at least.  Until that happens, however, the tree stays put.  No one will come look at it (roof or tree removal) until the tree is free from the power line.  One huge problem, power co. will not come for several days as we still have power and there is no sparking of wires!  What the fuck is that!?

-I have had NO time to write.  No time to journal.  No time.  I don't do well with this.  How do you take "me" time when you haven't giving your kids their time?!

-Many people have joked with me that if you didn't actually see the shit that happens to me on a daily basis, you just would never believe it to be true.  You KNOW you have a lot going on when that is what others tell you.

I have more to say but I think I will spare you all and just journal it.

Sorry for the dumping.  I am feeling like the life preserver is just out of reach right now and I am just getting tired.

Tomorrow....will be better.

4 comments:

  1. (((Hugs))) Pearl, lots of them. I am so sorry to hear about your loved one. Sending positive energy and thoughts your way.

    Wow, you are dealing with so much right now. I hope it helped in some small way to write it here.

    ((Hugs))
    Roz

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    1. Roz, A big Thank YOU! It's easy and fun to get into the blog-conversation when it's sexy and fun. For you to take the time to send your support when I am struggling in my vanilla life--just thank you.
      XOXO Pearl

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  2. Hug! Take it a minute at a time...

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    1. Misty, Just as my Thank You to Roz, that is for you as well. This has been such a horrible week as we tried to sort out how our loved one could not survive such a seemingly no big deal event. It was a difficult way to sort out my priorities but I feel more clear right now in some ways. "...a minute at a time..." Perfect advice- thank you for that.
      XOXO Pearl

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