Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Behind the curtain.

In honor of all the un-sexy, un-subby, un-perfect moments I have EVERY SINGLE day I want to chronicle this day for you a bit.

Let me actually start with last night...
I went to bed, un-showered (broken rule #1), no towel with me (broken rule #2), and dishes still in the sink (broken rule #3).  I did, however, manage to follow ONE rule and prepare my beloved's bed.  I was exhausted and there was not a single unselfish bone in my body, I needed sleep.  I actually have NO memory on if we had any type of sex of any kind.  I truly cannot recall.  Un-sexy, un-subby and all true.

This morning, a day off of work!  Kiddos at school, Husband home....sounds like the makings of a fuck-fest right?!  That would be a good guess if we perfectly ran D/s 100% of the time.  In full disclosure, I did sneak in a blow job before my behavior did a crash and burn!  My cycle rounding the corner does it's best to turn me into a self righteous, bitch.  I manage to irritate my Man to the point that he does not even hold my hand in the car (something he does without fail, every car ride).

I take my anti-bitch pill.  I take it shamefully, and I blame him for judging when he has done nothing of the sort.  Anti-bitch pill #1 doesn't do the trick, so I take #2.  I slowly come around and it is like a sobered up drunk, I am embarrassed and regretful.  He asks, Are you done?  I am not sure that he sounded Dominant.  He sounded, exhausted really.  I answer, yes, and curl up next to him as he drives.

Now 24 hours later from the start of this blog chronicle, I am still un-showered (gross, I know, but I still have time).  The dishes ARE done.  I intend to bring my towel to bed.  And, I will also prepare his side of the bed.

I am still his sub.  He is still my Owner.  I am still his wife.  He is still my Husband.

Even on our best days....We are imperfect. 

What is behind our curtain is the stuff that makes us, U/us.  The things that we can share with each other and still know, that WE are in this for the long haul.  I don't plan on sharing all that is behind our curtain, because after all, it is O/our curtain!  But, I am committed to blogging FOR us, and that includes the ups and the downs.

As we read each others blogs, we need to be KIND to ourselves and to our partners.  Each of us chooses to share small parts of the whole that makes us each our own, U/us.  The grass is not greener, we just happen to have some damn terrific writers in blogland who are gracious enough to share the small things from their lives with us.


  1. Bravo! I am glad you explained that both submissives and dominants are humans too. I was just talking to a friend last night when I explain to him that I had actually gotten into an argument a few months back with my top. He acted like I was the spawn of submissive hell, because how dare I have a bad day, and how dare I have the audacity to raise my voice. It's a process, one everyone is still learning, some days are a little harder than others, some days it seems super easy, but at the end of it all it's worth it. Thank you for sharing your journey.

    1. SweetPea,
      First off a HUGE thank you for taking the time to comment! I love the feedback and it is truly an honor when someone new finds me here.

      "...the spawn of submissive hell." This made me laugh! Sad, but true, that we feel that way about ourselves or are made to feel that way by others.

      And, you are so right. Some days easy- some days hard, but it is all worth it! I very much agree.

      Can't wait to check out your blog, thanks for stopping in!!
      XOXO Pearl

  2. Great post Pearl! Thank you for sharing. It's not always perfect and we are all human.


    1. YES, yes, YES Roz! Perfect is not only impossible, it's boring!
      Thanks friend!!

  3. Thank you for your openness, I always get so much from your posts.

    1. Needy T,
      From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU! Blogging for me is a given, I know how much it helps me. But, to hear from a reader that YOU find it helpful is just amazing!!!

      Being true to who we are (good and bad) is so important to me, it's NOT perfect, but is it perfect for us.

      Thank you again, you really made my day! Hope to see you again!
      XOXO Pearl