Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Random thoughts..........

1.  I find the balance between submission and vanilla behavior difficult when we spend time away on a family trip.
2.  We only have vanilla family/friends- that I'm aware of  =) ....that can make it even more difficult.
3.  I love my Man.
4.  A LOT
5.  I have thought, on many occasions, that I have an anxiety disorder.
6.  It oddly calms my anxiety when I think that I'm right about having an anxiety disorder.
7.  My most recent vulnerable/submissive sexual play time with my Man was when I was kneeling on the couch facing the corner backrest.  My hands were holding onto the back of the couch and my ass was up in the air as my upper body was pressed down onto the couch (arms extended to hold onto the couch back). The words give no justice to how I felt.  Giving yourself up like that to someone can be terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time.  My position prevented me from slowing his advances.  The emotional/mental aspect of submitting was just astonishing to me.  I was way more sensitive than normal.
8.  I crave the feeling listed in #7.  
9.  My submission builds his confidence as a Man, as my Man, as my Dom.  Just as his dominance builds my confidence as his submissive wife.
10.  I should be sleeping.


  1. Love your random thoughts Pearl. I've had ... let's see ... #1, #2, #3 (except of course I love my Woman), certainly #4, very often #7 especially when being kept in an extended period of orgasm denial, #8.

    As far as #5 goes, I've been anxious as well and I have found that it is because I am very much in deep subspace when this happens, which for me actually helps me to get to #7.

    Come to think of it, we all should be doing #10 more.

    Love your blog.

    1. The anxiety from subspace......addictive and AMAZING! This hormonal imbalance I am working through.......just plain CRAP!

      And, extended orgasm denial hua?? My Man has decided to read more (and possibly even post/comment!!!!!!!!!) on the blog here so we will see what HE thinks of that =)

      Your comments are always a pleasure! XOXO Pearl

  2. Oh, Pearl I love this post. I too have anxiety problems. Oddly enough, when he IS being dominant, I don't. I feel calm, centered and peaceful. Maybe that's why I want it so much. I also think the submissive mindset is hard to hold when you have to be "normal" in front of others. If my mother found out what I want, she would think I have finally lost my marbles. LOL. I hope your mind is calm now and you got some sleep.

    1. Same here Brooke! His Dominance, heavy hand, strictness in holding me accountable makes a HUGE difference. In my off-line journal to him I explained it once as equivalent to wearing a weighted vest.

      **Kids with sensory issues, or autism even, often use weighted vests as a means of sensory feedback or stimulation to help them focus and stop their own destructive sensory "stiming"**

      I think I will make a post of it actually.

      Thanks so much Brooke- your point of view such a help!!!
      XOXO Pearl

    2. Interesting you say that. My daughter has sensory processing disorder, so I know the concept very well. The topic would make an interesting post.

    3. I agree!
      When I was journaling to My Man it was such a revelation!! Just like a weighted vest....I thought for a second "DUH! Of course it centers me!"
      I will have move some of my journaling on the topic to a post if My Man doesn't mind =)

      Do you see the connection too then or do you think it's off a bit??

    4. No, I totally see the connection. In my daughter's therapy, we have been doing "heavy work" as an alternative to a vest or blanket. The idea is that when you activate all the large muscle groups, the sensory part of the brain calms down. I think of submission as "heavy work" for the mind and spirit.