Thursday, May 29, 2014


When I am feeling disconnected and overwhelmed 
I find calm in images of surrender I see in only in my own head.  
I try to let them out and actually feel them.  

There are times when I simply cannot.  
I isolate myself.  
I feel no comfort in being alone, yet I CANNOT release myself.

He is In this for the long haul.  Just the thought of HIS words brings a calm surrender over my body.  I see the surrender in my mind.  I feel the tension leave my shoulders.  I want to fall to my knees.  

I want to.....


My mind screams out answers when HE asks What do you need?  In that moment, I just. Cannot. Release.  I hide all that is me.  I scurry to clear up the pieces that look like me.  And, I hide.  

When is it too much to ask?  


  1. It's never too much to ask. It's His job to fulfill your needs, though on His time table. He can't do it if He doesn't know. I am always telling Master what I feel I need. I trust Him to take it and give me what I do need. Hugs. This is beautiful, though.

    1. Thank you Hs. He can't very well do what I do not tell him I need......

      He is an amazing Man. Sometimes, I do not give him the credit he so very much deserves!

  2. (((hugs))))
    I get this way too. sometimes communication is the easiest thing in the world and sometimes it's so beyond possible that I'm not even sure what it is any more!

    Sometimes it helps to give yourself permission to hide. I'm sure he understands and is patient and will wait at the mouth of your cave ready to coax you out as soon as you timidly poke your nose anywhere near!

    1. mc kitten, you are right. He works so hard to coax me out....I have no doubt that he will be there when I find it in me to finally come out.

      The hormones are just becoming so very difficult. I know better, I want to BE better and DO better but for some reason I become so foggy and removed that I don't even like who I am during those moments.

      I know you talk a great deal about your PMS issues on your blog too. I read it all and feel for maddening!

      I am in the camp of subs who needs and craves a stronger hold from my Man during those times. I truly crave his strong hold during that week- I crave for him to have a stronger hand and a stronger will over me. When 'the bitch is back' I want punishments/consequences. When I feel horrible and rude all I can think of is that I would take my ass to the room and spank the fight out of me. I feel defeated when I know that I am railroading our life and spanking/punishments will not occur.

      This all needs to be said to HIM, I know this. We have had a few great conversations the past few days, but life has limited them somewhat.

      Thanks for listening.....

      XOXO Pearl

  3. I absolutely agree with your other commenters - I too think it's OK to hide sometimes. What's hard is the trust part: trusting that He has your back. :)

    1. DH,
      Thank you so much for your comments (on here and on your/Julia's blog). My Man and I have had some great conversations the past few days.

      The supportive comments and advice mean a great deal to me.

      XOXO Pearl

  4. Such a great post. Thank you for sharing.