Sunday, May 4, 2014

Parts of speech, definitions, and falling in LOVE?

The traditional sense of the word, dominant, used as an adjective.


ruling, governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence.
occupying or being in a commanding or elevated position.

The Urban dictionary definition of the word, Dominant, used as a noun.
The person in BDSM who dominates or controls the submissive partner. A dominant can be either a full-time Mistress or Master, or simply a top (the person doing the tying up or whipping, etc.)

Now where does falling in 'LOVE' fit in here?  Let me explain....
We have used the term 'dominant' as an adjective often.  We talk about what it means to be dominant, or Him being the dominant one.  We have talked quite a bit on how the term itself works for him.  He had concerns that being dominant would make him an asshole.  He is not an asshole, I did not share his concern.  That being said, it was a concern.  We talked even more about the act of submission and my desire to submit myself to him in our marriage.  In the bedroom submission was already part of us, just not by definition.   

I know that the jargon of this lifestyle really didn't interest him much.  To be honest, it downright freaked him out a bit.  Dom/sub.  The terms alone implied a life change that he admits now sounded too way out for him.  So, we kept talking in terms of adjectives.  '___ is being dominant' or '___ is behaving submissive'.  We spoke in terms of general behaviors and not really titles for WHO we were becoming.  The changes we were making appeared less scary when we were not specifically redefining who we were to each other.  There was comfort and safety in the vague description of dominant and submissive as actions.  

We  s l o w l y  moved to me as 'sub' (the title).  I remember the first time he made reference to 'sub' as a title.  
I was moved.  
I was proud.  
I was IN LOVE.  
I felt that he opened up the gift and it was exactly what he wanted!  My eagerness to be his sub/wife was ever present, I did not waiver.  I was/am absolutely NOT perfect as his submissive wife but my intent did not/does NOT waiver.  It was clear to us both that I am HIS sub, even if he chose not to define himself in the actual title of Dom.  He became comfortable in behaving as my dominant husband and the leader in our home and that was what we needed.

I journal.  Outside of blogland and just for me/us.  He set up my password, he knows where to go, he is always welcome.  Occasionally he reads.  Occasionally he tells me.  Occasionally I notice a change in his behavior that leads me to believe he has read my journal.  This is why I journal (and blog).  For HIM.  For US.

He read my/our journal the other day while I was at work.  He let me know.  His text to me was just amazing.  He referred to it as 'your/our journal'.  That made a difference to me.  He made it clear that we both have more to give and he intends to make that happen.  When I went home, even more surprises.  He made notes to me within my/our journal.  So very many pieces of this that I was thankful for.  So much effort and intent on his part that made me feel so loved and important.

Then I saw it.  
In red.  
His red.  
At the bottom of my journal writing. 

What does your Dom expect?

How could this not fit in with the title 'falling in LOVE'?!  
I have the privilege of falling in love with a Man my husband approves of.  A Man my husband took many years getting to know.  This Man I am falling in love with is everything my husband wants for me.  This Man has been designed for me alone by the most loving, trustworthy Man I have ever met.  

He is my gift.

He is my Dom.

He is My Man.


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  2. Great post, Pearl! Hubby and I had a conversation about Dominant vs Domineering over the weekend. Thinking language is a big topic of conversation in this dynamic. So glad that you two are walking side by side in this. Love hearing about your journey.

    1. Thanks!
      It really is a journey, no one end point or "finally there". All the moments in between make our dynamic what it is.