Thursday, May 29, 2014

Release

When I am feeling disconnected and overwhelmed 
I find calm in images of surrender I see in only in my own head.  
I try to let them out and actually feel them.  

There are times when I simply cannot.  
I isolate myself.  
I feel no comfort in being alone, yet I CANNOT release myself.



He is In this for the long haul.  Just the thought of HIS words brings a calm surrender over my body.  I see the surrender in my mind.  I feel the tension leave my shoulders.  I want to fall to my knees.  

I want to.....

❤️



My mind screams out answers when HE asks What do you need?  In that moment, I just. Cannot. Release.  I hide all that is me.  I scurry to clear up the pieces that look like me.  And, I hide.  

When is it too much to ask?  



Tuesday, May 20, 2014

He's a mind ninja!

This lifestyle is a choice.  Not everyone can do it.
He says this with a shit-eating grin.  Oh, that smile.  Make no mistake, it's a challenge.  He is calling me out.

My Man loves to challenge me.  This one is just crazy though- HE is challenging me to live this lifestyle.  I spent so much time wondering if he had it in him to be my Dom.  Now that I have the answer to my question...



.


Do I choose this lifestyle with YOU babe? 
Yes Sir, I do.

Do I have it in me to be YOUR sub?
Yes Sir, I do

Everything I am, is YOURS.  Challenge me.  Lead me.  Put me to task.  Remind me who I belong to and who I serve.  I will work harder to serve you and to be the sub you have asked me to be.  You own all of me.  I love YOU.


Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Magic Wand review....and an unexpected response.

I have to be honest, I think this post may jump around and not make sense for some of you.  For those of you who know me through my blogging....you probably understand my quirks by now and will follow along just fine! =)

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We made our purchase!  We decided on the Magic Wand!  My concerns on it not being a strong vibe were unfounded.  It really packs a punch, so to speak.  My Man was all ready to give me and the wand a test run.  First, I used it on myself while he wandered my body.  I had a clit orgasm rather easily, it was LOVELY!

Round 2 with the wand was a little different.  My Man also purchased a few attachments when he ordered the wand to help with my g-spot/vaginal orgasms.  Sounds fun.  He asked me to put on an attachment and give it a go.  Sounds fun.  I choose the attachment on the right, with the curve.  SOUNDS fun!


Product Details<=========
He continued on with my body as the playground as I inserted the "Curved Devil".  And, without warning, the instant I inserted it, I came.   Cum all over.  I am sure this should have excited me and made me melt.

I assure you.
It. Did. Not.

I don't even understand how the hell to put into words how I felt.  This is the best I can do.

I have never had a g-spot/cumming/vaginal orgasm without my Man being the one to get me there.  I felt like my body absolutely betrayed me.  I felt mortified.  I felt violated.  My cumming orgasms are HIS.  He takes them.  He gives them.  I have no control over them.  This isn't the sub in me talking.  I really have no control, he can make me cum even when I think I can't possibly cum.  I truly felt violated that a stupid piece of vibrating plastic, in my hands, made me cum.  I am sure this sounds absolutely nuts to some of you.  Even as I type this I don't know why my negative reaction was so very strong.  He asked me if I liked it.  NO!  I answered with a tone of disgust.  We talked about my reaction.  He reminded me that there was no reason for it not to have feel good.  He was right there with me.  He wanted me to cum.  Logically, I head what he said.  For some reason my heart wasn't listening very good.

*Just a side note*  Masturbation does not specifically bother me.  I often reach clit orgasm easier when I am the one holding the vibe.  I know that my Man and I have talked about me not wanting to make myself g-spot cum- that's for him.  But, I really did not expect my reaction.




Sunday, May 11, 2014

To all the Mama's...near and far....

good reminder...
found on cafemom.com

To all the Mom's out there.  My Man and I wish you all a very HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!  



Thursday, May 8, 2014

In Denial.

You don't have your towel?  
He says with disbelief.
You really don't want to cum, do you?

Can I get one please?  I reply with a pant.  We have been here before.  He usually sends me off to grab my towel.

How are you ever going to remember to do what you're supposed to if I don't punish you?  

I can feel his warm words breathing in my ear as his hands wander all over my body....HIS body.  I tell him that I know that I don't have to agree with punishments, but I want him to know that I do and that I understand.

He starts in with naughty and exciting talk about spreading my legs, holding me down, fucking me until I came over and over.  The plans he has for me are just delicious.  Rough.  Exciting.

His hands move off as he rolls away from me.

You could have all of that.  If you would have just brought your towel to bed. 

He loves to make me cum and by not following a small task he asks of me, I am denying him what he wants. I practically beg to go down on him.  I don't want my Man to go without because of my inability to follow a rule.

My feelings are conflicted.  I am disappointed in myself and I know that my Man, my Dom, deserves better submission from me.  He should not have to go without to teach his sub how to do better.  On the other hand, I'm not sure if orgasm denial is supposed to feel this HOT, but it does.  I suppose a punishment is successful when the result is a more purposeful sub who only wants to serve better.

Monday, May 5, 2014

Wanted.

My Man does not normally talk to me about what I should blog, however, He/I would like your input.  He has now asked me 3 days in a row if I posted this to all of you!! 

My industrial strength vibrator B R O K E!!!  Okay, maybe it isn't industrial strength but it is a damn good one.  It was a back massager turned clit massager.  Yes, I have g-spot orgasms with little effort but the clit ones are harder to cum/come by so the good massager is our go to.  

I am in need of recommendations.  PLEASE post a comment with any good or bad reviews.  I do not want to get stuck with a lemon!!  

Thanks all!!

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Parts of speech, definitions, and falling in LOVE?

The traditional sense of the word, dominant, used as an adjective.

dominant:

1.
ruling, governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence.
2.
occupying or being in a commanding or elevated position.

The Urban dictionary definition of the word, Dominant, used as a noun.
Dominant:
The person in BDSM who dominates or controls the submissive partner. A dominant can be either a full-time Mistress or Master, or simply a top (the person doing the tying up or whipping, etc.)
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Now where does falling in 'LOVE' fit in here?  Let me explain....
We have used the term 'dominant' as an adjective often.  We talk about what it means to be dominant, or Him being the dominant one.  We have talked quite a bit on how the term itself works for him.  He had concerns that being dominant would make him an asshole.  He is not an asshole, I did not share his concern.  That being said, it was a concern.  We talked even more about the act of submission and my desire to submit myself to him in our marriage.  In the bedroom submission was already part of us, just not by definition.   

I know that the jargon of this lifestyle really didn't interest him much.  To be honest, it downright freaked him out a bit.  Dom/sub.  The terms alone implied a life change that he admits now sounded too way out for him.  So, we kept talking in terms of adjectives.  '___ is being dominant' or '___ is behaving submissive'.  We spoke in terms of general behaviors and not really titles for WHO we were becoming.  The changes we were making appeared less scary when we were not specifically redefining who we were to each other.  There was comfort and safety in the vague description of dominant and submissive as actions.  

We  s l o w l y  moved to me as 'sub' (the title).  I remember the first time he made reference to 'sub' as a title.  
I was moved.  
I was proud.  
I was IN LOVE.  
I felt that he opened up the gift and it was exactly what he wanted!  My eagerness to be his sub/wife was ever present, I did not waiver.  I was/am absolutely NOT perfect as his submissive wife but my intent did not/does NOT waiver.  It was clear to us both that I am HIS sub, even if he chose not to define himself in the actual title of Dom.  He became comfortable in behaving as my dominant husband and the leader in our home and that was what we needed.

I journal.  Outside of blogland and just for me/us.  He set up my password, he knows where to go, he is always welcome.  Occasionally he reads.  Occasionally he tells me.  Occasionally I notice a change in his behavior that leads me to believe he has read my journal.  This is why I journal (and blog).  For HIM.  For US.

He read my/our journal the other day while I was at work.  He let me know.  His text to me was just amazing.  He referred to it as 'your/our journal'.  That made a difference to me.  He made it clear that we both have more to give and he intends to make that happen.  When I went home, even more surprises.  He made notes to me within my/our journal.  So very many pieces of this that I was thankful for.  So much effort and intent on his part that made me feel so loved and important.

Then I saw it.  
In red.  
His red.  
At the bottom of my journal writing. 

What does your Dom expect?


How could this not fit in with the title 'falling in LOVE'?!  
I have the privilege of falling in love with a Man my husband approves of.  A Man my husband took many years getting to know.  This Man I am falling in love with is everything my husband wants for me.  This Man has been designed for me alone by the most loving, trustworthy Man I have ever met.  

He is my gift.

He is my Dom.

He is My Man.