Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Q&A Conina style!

My bonus question of 'Why I read....' is my absolute pleasure to answer for this particular blogger!  
Conina B. at exploringsurrender.blogspot.com

Conina's blog was one of the first blogs I found that showed the duality of love AND lust in a D/s marriage.  Her words conveyed what I was hoping to find.  Love can take the form of a sharply spanked breast, forceful claim of being His 'fuck slave', being tied down and objectified as nothing more than an ass to fuck or a mouth to cum in, just as easily as a warm embrace or a slow night of cuddling.  The 'why' of who I am and what I enjoy has become less important because of bloggers like Conina. 

Conina's questions:
How is your man adjusting? 
I will ask him if he has anything to add but I would say that he is adjusting well.  This new dynamic has taken work, no doubt.  I would say that I'm a bit more high maintenance now- I don't like that- but it's true.  The good side of that is where I would normally shut down and not speak for days if I was hurt or angry, I now try to keep nothing in.  More comes to the surface that way which is a good thing.  He has told me many times how much he loves our D/s dynamic even when we are not sure where to go when we hit a block. 

Does he slip easily into a comfort zone that's a little short of where you'd like it to be, or is he actively interested in exploring/reading/learning about What It Is That We Do?
Exploring, yes.  He has been very open.  As for the learning and reading, not so much yet.  He learns through my reading =).  He has read a few fellow blogger posts that I have shown him but for the most part he says that he is only interested in reading my blog.  During one of our play times he was sucking hard on my tongue (pain play).  We talked about it after and he joked 'see, I don't need to read to know how to make my wife squirm'.  

The question on is his comfort zone a bit short of where I would like it to be, that is harder to answer. Overall, I often do feel like I need a bit more Dominance/control from Him.  The part that makes this hard to say is that not only are we currently working on this, I am also currently sitting on a lovely spanking mark/bruise on my left butt cheek where he was focusing on yesterday to push my limits and get me to say 'stop'.  

Oh, also, does he regularly read your posts? If so, has that improved the communication in your relationship? If not, why doesn't he?

He does read my posts!  I wouldn't say regularly, but he does read.  I feel that him reading has definitely improved our communication.  Prior to blogging, I kept a journal to Him.  That journal started a more open communication and now my blog has become an extension of that journaling.  I do notice that when I write about play times I enjoy or situations I felt would go a different way he will use those as suggestions to try again or adjust.  

Thank you so much for the great questions EVERYONE!!  I am up for more!  They really make me think =)



  1. Hi Pearl,

    Great answers. I don't like that word -- high-maintenance. I'm the same way though. I guess I think of myself as more 'needy'. I need him and his dominance and this relationship more. And I did the shut down thing too....it's sooo hard sometimes to resist keeping it in. But it's made a huge improvement on our relationship.

    Glad you two are adjusting so well!


    1. 'Needy,' 'High maintenance,' same/same. I struggle with the idea of being either one sometimes. I felt rather comfy being self sufficient for so long.

  2. Thank you for the lovely answers! I know a lot of new (and long-term, for that matter) submissives just venturing in often feel that "come on, come on, let's get there" feeling, or "more more more more more more," while the dominant part of the relationship is more like "hang on, I'm dipping my toe in the water here, let me adjust..."

    We still have that sometimes too. :D

    1. I know my Man and I will continue to evolve but I would truly be shocked if we didn't revisit that old mismatched pace from time to time. It's a bit of a comfort to finally not feel like the D/s side of us will end each time we are off base with each other.