Saturday, March 1, 2014

How his words and actions FEEL to me. Part 1

I push back at him when I'm not feeling that he cares about my submission.  If he doesn't react or doesn't come back stronger at me, I keep pushing harder to prove that I'm right.

What does he care?  Does my submission even matter?  Why work this hard if no-one even notices?  I take it personal and I'm...  Hurt.  It's more than the feeling of wasted effort.  

I feel that with this being my ultimate expression of love, when he doesn't reflect back in matched Dominance, I feel alone.

We had a long talk.  A check in talk on my pushing back at him, why I do it, and what we can do about it.  His Dominance and strength was clear.  He directed the conversation and His intent was to take control of this problem.  My submission matters to Him, He should not have to tell me this.

As I'm hearing his words, there is a stinging pit in my stomach.  It hurts like hell.  Physically I am surrendered.  I am belly down on our bed, legs parted as He soft rubs my exposed (and unshaven) parts.  I have done nothing he has asked of me, I feel....ashamed....and scared.  I am terrified that He will mistake my pushing back for my lack of wanting to submit.  That could not be farther from the truth.  I ache to submit to Him. Oddly, I also have a feeling of relief and calm at the same time.  His Dominance and strength was like a calming blanket holding and weighing on me just right.  I want to do better.  I need to know that He wants me to do better, that it matters.

A few days later....
Lock the door.  Wash your ass.  And, come back to me naked.

The downright HOT sexiness of this overshadows the importance of the Dominance.  The Dominance of this is what makes me instantly surrendered and calmed.  Yes, I am dripping as I walk to do what is asked of me, but more importantly, I feel a calm come over my entire body and mind.  

I no longer have to decided if I should surrender or push back....He has decided for me. 

We have time for you to get spanked and to cum a few times.

Thank you.
Thank. You.  And I mean it more than those two words could ever convey.  That is why I submit.  My submission conveys my 'Thank You' correctly.

In the shower, I shave.  I am committed to taking my submission seriously.  He likes me clean.  My pussy will be cleanly shaved, for Him.

I have a place in our home, I KNOW my place in our home, I LOVE my place in our home.  His Dominance gives me strength to be better. 

He directed me on all fours over our cube ottoman, ass facing him.  As I took my position I felt him move each of my legs to spread farther.

I know he can see my shaven pussy, and I am so proud and excited.  
I do not need any mood stabilizing medication, just give me His Dominance and His hard spanking.  
I am.  Centered.  Calmed.  Focused.  Confident.  Beautiful.  Loved.  

Pretty pink flogger, long handled wooden paddle, hand.  I know each one by the sound and the bite it delivers. 

The anticipation of what implement is next leaves a bit of edge to my entranced calm.  My mouth is softly open, eyes closed, head hanging, muscles lax.  My only conscious thought is a statement, 'His'.  

He focuses spanks over and over to my pussy with the slim handle of the wooden paddle.  My hips curl up to push my pussy out close and more open for him.  

My feeling at this point is elation. 

My greatest response is when he strikes the same spot on my ass/thighs again, so he typically doesn't take me too far with that pattern.  Today, he is pushing my limit a bit. I feel the paddle 2 then 3 times striking the same spot several times.  The third one takes my breath away and makes me flinch for the next one.  We are new with the flogger and He has mastered it already.  He swings the flogger over and over on my left ass cheek, hard.  He is working me hard.  He is loving me enough to break through my own detrimental control and give me the release I need so desperately.  I think He knows I need Him to be hard on me, and I am right.   I want you to feel this for a long time. 

This feels...there are no words....I am so in need of him bringing me to my limit and spanking me right past it.  I want more, I need more.  Every single sting on my back, thighs, and ass feels amazing.  #2 in the same spot with the wooden paddle, I calm my body, no reaction, just a moan.  I am so proud of my calm.  I want more.  #3 pushes my limit, ignites the butterflies in my stomach, takes my breath away.  I must calm down, I want more.  I don't recall if he did a #4 in the same spot?  I am close to my limit but not there.  I beg Him to talk to me when I am reaching my limit, today I am not begging.  He is working me hard and I am so relaxed into every spot he chooses to strike.  I love every single strike.  I hear my deep slow breathing.  I noticed that I am no longer quickly inhaling with each hard strike.  Each slow deep breath I take includes 2+ strikes. My head is floating, my ass is hot and the pain is just barely there.  I am emotionally raw, I want to cry but I have no discernible thought as to why or even how to cry.  I whimper a loving and thankful, release.  


  1. Replies
    1. subkitty, WELCOME and thank you!

      This post was so important for me to write and let out. Thank you so very much for your comment.

      XOXO, Pearl