Sunday, March 16, 2014

How did we get here?! Q&A from Surrendered Wife...

Surrendered Wife at

Why I read Surrendered Wife's blog?
I read your blog because it is where we started and where we find ourselves now.  I think there are times when we could have written each other's heartfelt posts.  I identify with married D/s bloggers and reading others ideas on growth and change is inspirational.

Surrendered Wife's question:
How on earth did you get from him telling you he didn't want this to where you are now? 
I have been working on this answer for a while now....I think the trouble I have had with it is I am still unsure 'where we are' sometimes still....This I know for sure, I love this Man with all my heart.  I always will.  

First, let me start off with a quick history of us and where we began.  We have been together since we were teenagers and we are not youngsters any more.  I was always the outwardly wild one.  My Man, however, had a lovely level of kink that he kept more reserved.  This sexually reserved young Man of mine once asked me if I thought I could fuck his bedpost....and He had me try.  He had me give him a blow job on a football field, at night and alone.  I should have known back then that he would bring me to the edges of pain and pleasure, but I still thought I was the adventurous one!
Secondly, He never actually said that he didn't want this.  I started to open up about my need to serve Him and my connection with pain/pleasure and how I wanted to see how far He could take me and how much I could take, for Him.  He told me that He didn't need that.  As you can imagine I still felt broken and weird. He is telling me that He doesn't need any of what I want to offer.  In my head I felt that He didn't want any of that.  

He saw D/s only in reference to sex for so long.  Literally until a recent check in time, He said that He always saw D/s as only BDSM freaky crazy sex.  He said that my commitment to serving Him inspires Him and that me wanting to begin and end my day serving Him has helped Him to see things very differently.  

How did I follow up after that check in time?  I worked long days and lost my focus.  I am a work in progress.  And lately, I am a lot of work.  

We started out young with an amazing mix of kink, respect, love, commitment, and friendship.  To look back, where we are now in this newly defined dynamic of D/s is not a far stretch, but it has taken (and continues to take) a lot of kink, respect, love, commitment, and friendship every day.


  1. What a lovely history Pearl ava x

    1. Thank you so much Ava...truly. BTW...your questions are next to be posted! XOXO

  2. I can appreciate how you feel. I have a nagging fear, albeit small, that Mistress also doesn't "need" the kind of devotion i have to providing her comfort and pleasure in her life. This probably has more to do with an irrational fear on my part than actual reality on her part. It's a constant conflict in comparison in my mind between the realities of life and the fantasy of living like her slave in some Female Dominant castle. Life is weird and wonderful.

    1. sub hub,
      Where in the hell do we get that nagging fear from anyway?! It can be quite a distraction sometimes.

      Welcome to my blog and thank you so very much for taking the time to comment!! Love the red booty profile pic! Well earned I hope =)

      XOXO Pearl

  3. Oh what a fun and sweet history Pearl! And if you're still taking questions, since you two started out as teenagers, do you think this need to serve and submit to him was always there?

    1. My friend Aurora! So very good to see you back in blog =)
      I would love to answer more questions! I am learning about myself too. My answer blog will be on the way!

      I know this week is tough for you. Keep fighting through, He will be home before you know it!


  4. Sorry it has taken me so long to respond. Life got really busy and I wasn't on. This is a great post that gave me very much to think about in terms of my own relationship. Thanks for the answer.