Saturday, March 29, 2014

A sneak peak inside: My Assignment Update (tally count)...

My Man gave me an assignment a while back.  My tally is up to over 160!  YAHOO!  I say 'over' (with no exact count) because, to be honest, I didn't keep a great record during March.  On this, and many other sub-fronts, I am working to improve and to become more consistent.

Aren't we always a work in progress?

Since that assignment/task my Man has talked a bit more on his goal for making me cum.  He said that he goes for a 10:1 ratio (in my favor!).  Now this made me equal parts IN LOVE with him and just straight out laugh!  He has actually considered a ratio.  In context it was much more funny and thoughtful than mathematical.  He talked about how difficult it was for me to cum when I only had clit orgasms for our first several years together.  How that even with our discovery in the past few years that I could cum (multiple times in one session usually) he is still way up on me if we were to count all of his orgasms against mine over the past 20+ years together.  He decided that I am due some back pay.

This is the best case of karma I have ever had!

And for a sneak peak inside, here is a recent quick entry from my 'tally journal'.  I didn't edit and I really never censor anyway....
I would say 15 tonight.  You absolutely took every last drop from me.  You bit my ear and told me how you were going to be tying me up and fucking me in every hole and leaving me while the cum dries and you will come back and fuck me more.  You smacked my ass, stretched my pussy, made me fuck my vibrator and cum on you while I kissed and rubbed you.  I defied you and sucked you off while you fucked me in the ass with my vibrator.  I was drunk on you. You reminded me that I am your sub and I will be getting more tasks if I don't start to serve you better.  Dishes done, I will not be getting work days off.  Shower for bed, you want my pussy clean if you decide to lick me.  You want my breasts soft with lotion for you.  YES.

Friday, March 28, 2014

It should not go without saying.....

I came to blogland via google terms such as "surrendered wife," "sexually submissive wife," "sexually surrendering to your husband".  I was looking for expansion on my views and ideas of being a sexually surrendered/submissive wife to my Husband.  I was looking for others who shared my interest and could expand my horizons.  I was looking for bloggers who could inspire me to BE more, teach me to KNOW more, and help me to FEEL more.

I did this all for my Husband, my Man, as I call him here.  I did this to bring more to the table for us.  I did this for Him.

I found what I was looking for, and so much more that was...unexpected.  What I found....was you.  All of you.  Conina.  Aurora.  DelFonte.  Faerie.  Brooke.  Ava Grace.  P Surrender   mckitten   geekie kittie......and so many more bloggers who I read and who stop in to read on this blog and are amazing enough to reach out at times.  There are so many of you I can't wait to meet still!  Can't forget a new blogger jay, who brings the husband/sub perspective to D/s as he writes about his life in a female led marriage.

What I have found is unexpected friendships and emotions in the most unexpected of places.  Genuine sadness as a blogger friend considers saying "Goodbye".  Genuine concern for a blogger friend who is wrecked yet again facing more unexpected illness.  Genuine support for the many of you who are riding out the same D/s peaks and valleys that my Man and I find ourselves floundering in at times.

I have found what I was looking for.  And yes, much, much more.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

D/s? Switch? Or, just a wife in need of some protein sometimes?!

Am I going to get any cum out of you today?  Maybe you could masterbate into my mouth?  In my cutest of cute/playful voices.

Maybe.

*smiling*

MMmmHmmm. He says with a smirk

Can you stand above me?

I will.  

He stands up.  Walks over to me.  I lay face up on the couch.  I watch as he takes himself into his hand and rubs up and down.  I was I was going to wait with my mouth open, tongue out.  Instead I took his balls into my mouth, sucking and cupping each one.  Only my mouth.  

He dips his hand, pointing the stream of cum in my direction.  

I look up.
He. Is. Watching. Me.

We make eye contact as his cum hits my tongue, my lips, my face.

I keep my mouth open for an extra second.  Then swallow.

I use my mouth to clean him up and milk out the rest. 

Does anyone else just need this?!  How have you asked your Man?

Letter to Brooke, at searchingforsir.blogspot.com

As I posted earlier...my comments are not working right now.  I am happy to make this letter an open post to you however so you know my support.

Brooke,
So nice to know your name first of all.  I notice that when my comments or posts mean a great deal to me I almost sign my 'real' name.  It warmed my heart to see yours.

I want to first start with how very courageous and loving your post was.  What we all want in the end is a loving and passionate marriage, however we can find that.  You, so very clearly, are searching for the same. The allure of D/s can be intoxicating, all encompassing even.  The D/s titles feel liberating- unless/until they confine you.  Navigating such a new path is difficult, even for those traditionally finding themselves in those roles all along I imagine.  As you and I have talked about, my Man and I have found ourselves on the up side and down side of D/s.  Where will we end up?  Where will you and your Husband end up?  I don't think there is an endpoint really for either of us.  When your in it for the long haul, you continue to evolve.  I do wish you and your Husband a loving journey throughout!

If submission is in you, submit.  Not because you are a 'sub' but because that is the best way you feel you can give him love.  Your love for him is clear- how AWESOME!  If you choose to come back to blogland- please stop in and let me know.   Your posts/comments have been such a support to me through my own journey!

Take care,
XOXO

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Q&A Conina style!

My bonus question of 'Why I read....' is my absolute pleasure to answer for this particular blogger!  
Conina B. at exploringsurrender.blogspot.com

Conina's blog was one of the first blogs I found that showed the duality of love AND lust in a D/s marriage.  Her words conveyed what I was hoping to find.  Love can take the form of a sharply spanked breast, forceful claim of being His 'fuck slave', being tied down and objectified as nothing more than an ass to fuck or a mouth to cum in, just as easily as a warm embrace or a slow night of cuddling.  The 'why' of who I am and what I enjoy has become less important because of bloggers like Conina. 

Conina's questions:
How is your man adjusting? 
I will ask him if he has anything to add but I would say that he is adjusting well.  This new dynamic has taken work, no doubt.  I would say that I'm a bit more high maintenance now- I don't like that- but it's true.  The good side of that is where I would normally shut down and not speak for days if I was hurt or angry, I now try to keep nothing in.  More comes to the surface that way which is a good thing.  He has told me many times how much he loves our D/s dynamic even when we are not sure where to go when we hit a block. 

Does he slip easily into a comfort zone that's a little short of where you'd like it to be, or is he actively interested in exploring/reading/learning about What It Is That We Do?
Exploring, yes.  He has been very open.  As for the learning and reading, not so much yet.  He learns through my reading =).  He has read a few fellow blogger posts that I have shown him but for the most part he says that he is only interested in reading my blog.  During one of our play times he was sucking hard on my tongue (pain play).  We talked about it after and he joked 'see, I don't need to read to know how to make my wife squirm'.  

The question on is his comfort zone a bit short of where I would like it to be, that is harder to answer. Overall, I often do feel like I need a bit more Dominance/control from Him.  The part that makes this hard to say is that not only are we currently working on this, I am also currently sitting on a lovely spanking mark/bruise on my left butt cheek where he was focusing on yesterday to push my limits and get me to say 'stop'.  

Oh, also, does he regularly read your posts? If so, has that improved the communication in your relationship? If not, why doesn't he?

He does read my posts!  I wouldn't say regularly, but he does read.  I feel that him reading has definitely improved our communication.  Prior to blogging, I kept a journal to Him.  That journal started a more open communication and now my blog has become an extension of that journaling.  I do notice that when I write about play times I enjoy or situations I felt would go a different way he will use those as suggestions to try again or adjust.  

Thank you so much for the great questions EVERYONE!!  I am up for more!  They really make me think =)

XOXO PEARL  



Monday, March 24, 2014

We interrupt this blog......

Having technical difficulties and not sure why.  My comments on others' blogs are not publishing.  Now I noticed that my own comments on my own blogs are not publishing today....

HHmmm?!  Any ideas/suggestions?  Has anyone had this problem before?

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Q&A from Betsy T and Aurora

From Betsy T from sexuallysubmissivewoman.blogspot.com
Betsy T is new to my blog!  I can't wait to check out your blog too Betsy T....WELCOME!

What is your favorite ritual or task and why?
Having my shirt off when I rub his back or go down on him is my favorite.  I have always loved skin on skin with my Man.  Even when we were much younger and we didn't have an opportunity to be naked.  Skin to skin feeds my emotional and physical need to be close to Him- always has!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From Aurora at notyoureverydayfairytale.blogspot.com

Why I love Aurora's blog?  Wow.  This is an easy and difficult one to answer.  I have such respect for the work Phillip and Aurora put into their relationship.  Aurora has a quality in her submission and in relaying it through her writing that is......admirable.  Big fan of Aurora's blog!

Since you two started out as teenagers, do you think this need to serve and submit to him was always there?

I would say no.  I was a spicy girl.  I even wanted my name written first on the deed to our home to piss off the old fashion real estate lady.

I have no regrets (well...) everything He and I were, has lead to who we are.

Monday, March 17, 2014

Helping me 'focus'.

I slide into the shower behind my Man.  He asks me to wash his hair.  I love to shower with this Man.  There's something about hot water and the frictionless slide of soap over naked skin.  It is so, naked.  Everything is stripped away, nothing is off limits or unseen.  Love.  

We switch sides.  I am in front.  He is pinching my nipples as the hot shower streams down my body.  The water is hotter than I like.  Today, however, I LIKE.  Yummy painful electricity travels from my nipples straight down to my pussy.  MMmmm....  This Man of mine.  He is a musician.  I am his instrument.  Each strum of his finger plays a new tune.  My breath is paced with my surrendered calm.   

I extend my arms back behind me to offer up my breasts beautifully for him.  I love the objectification.  He loves my breasts.  They are all His.  My mind is erased of all other thoughts when he is playing with me.  I find his erection behind me and I slowly slip my hands around him and his balls.  He pinches and twists my nipples as I groan and grip him in my hands.

His hands glide off my breasts and behind my back, to my hands.  He grabs my wrists, fantastically stern, and pulls my hands off his cock. He crosses my wrists and pulls them up to my hanging wet hair at the base of my back.  I tip my head back as he pulls my hair into my hands.  No words spoken.  He doesn't need to.  I close my hands firmly around my hair.  I wouldn't let my hair go for anything.  He roughly tips me forward with my ass tilted and offered to him.  He takes what is his.  Mixes of moans and screams escape me as he pushes to enter my His ass.

Last night as we drifted to sleep He asked me if I needed help to focus.  I answered.  Yes, please.  The time is now.  In this moment, I realize that He is determined and intent on fucking me into submission.  I am focused on my surrender/submission.  Water is spraying me in the face, my asshole is tight and I. AM. HIS.  I can moan and scream if I need, but I am HIS, and He will decide how hard and how fast to fuck me.  Where I would normally pant and ask for Him to wait while I adjust to the initial sharp sting of anal, I surrendered.  I grasped my hair, kept my ass tilted for Him like a good girl, and felt his Dominance take me over.

I have no recollection where He was grabbing me but He pounded into me with such ownership that I screamed out as I came.  He fucked this orgasm out of me.  There was no chance for me to ask to cum, He took it.  I felt the next one building.  I.  Have....  To.  CUM.  Again... My breasts are slapping against each other with his pounding.  CUM.  I continue to unravel as I feel Him jerking into me with his own release.

Sexual submission- oh my this Man could fuck me into unconsciousness and I would wake up later and thank him!

Q&A from Ava Grace....and why I read her blog!

Ava at thebeautyofsubmission.blogspot.com

Why I read Ava's blog?
The reality of of Ava's blog is beautiful.  There are difficult moments she writes about and you can feel her pain.  Ava also has the most amazing confidence in her sexuality-  I LOVE that!  

Ava's questions:
1) What brought you to the blogosphere?


To the blogosphere as a reader?  I google searched 'sexually submissive/surrendered wife' (and the like) over and over for a long time.  I was finally directed to blogs- I was hooked!  These blogs have combined my favorites....SEX and biography/autobiographies.  I love to read about others' real life experiences. 

To the blogosphere as a writer?  One word, Conina.  I had no idea my writing had a place.  I came out of the shadows and emailed her.  She gave me the courage to try.  I am truly thankful for her.


2) Your most challenging experience since beginning D/s?
Holding my place as my Man's submissive when I want so badly to show him how I need him to be Dominant.  It is what it is...and it's the truth.  I want MORE of all of it, all of the time.  My Man is laid back and easy going.  I struggle with that pace sometimes.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

How did we get here?! Q&A from Surrendered Wife...

Surrendered Wife at searchingforsir.blogspot.com

Why I read Surrendered Wife's blog?
I read your blog because it is where we started and where we find ourselves now.  I think there are times when we could have written each other's heartfelt posts.  I identify with married D/s bloggers and reading others ideas on growth and change is inspirational.

Surrendered Wife's question:
How on earth did you get from him telling you he didn't want this to where you are now? 
MY ANSWER:
I have been working on this answer for a while now....I think the trouble I have had with it is I am still unsure 'where we are' sometimes still....This I know for sure, I love this Man with all my heart.  I always will.  

First, let me start off with a quick history of us and where we began.  We have been together since we were teenagers and we are not youngsters any more.  I was always the outwardly wild one.  My Man, however, had a lovely level of kink that he kept more reserved.  This sexually reserved young Man of mine once asked me if I thought I could fuck his bedpost....and He had me try.  He had me give him a blow job on a football field, at night and alone.  I should have known back then that he would bring me to the edges of pain and pleasure, but I still thought I was the adventurous one!
Secondly, He never actually said that he didn't want this.  I started to open up about my need to serve Him and my connection with pain/pleasure and how I wanted to see how far He could take me and how much I could take, for Him.  He told me that He didn't need that.  As you can imagine I still felt broken and weird. He is telling me that He doesn't need any of what I want to offer.  In my head I felt that He didn't want any of that.  

He saw D/s only in reference to sex for so long.  Literally until a recent check in time, He said that He always saw D/s as only BDSM freaky crazy sex.  He said that my commitment to serving Him inspires Him and that me wanting to begin and end my day serving Him has helped Him to see things very differently.  

How did I follow up after that check in time?  I worked long days and lost my focus.  I am a work in progress.  And lately, I am a lot of work.  


We started out young with an amazing mix of kink, respect, love, commitment, and friendship.  To look back, where we are now in this newly defined dynamic of D/s is not a far stretch, but it has taken (and continues to take) a lot of kink, respect, love, commitment, and friendship every day.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

A black hole...

Not a reference to anal in any way...  As I typed the title it made me giggle a bit that people might think it was  =)

I imagine a that in a black hole there is a whole lot of nothingness.  Just.....blah.  That is my rut of sorts.  I love to write, it clears the noise in my head.  I need to get it out of me to understand it, organize it, and heal from it (if needed).  Right now, it's not working.  It's not helping me to understand or organize.  It's not helping clear the noise.  I actually feel like it is creating more sometimes.

Ironically, I have much to write about.  I also LOVE to hear your questions!

My hope is to push through this drought and see some light again soon.

XOXO  Pearl

Friday, March 7, 2014

Q&A from DelFonte......and why I follow her blog......

As a THANK YOU to DelFonte for the question is the answer to my own bonus question.....
"Why do I follow your blog?"

DelFonte, I have found that I love being spanked and paddled and your blogging is so intriguing to me.  The adventures of a spanko are are fun to read! 

Check out DelFonte at  placeoffancies.blogspot.com

Q: from DelFonte, A: from me!
Do you have any rituals to help with your submission?

I do.  I have tasks I do too, but I think that's a bit different.

This has been hard to answer.  We have worked so hard to get to this point that I feel I really need to say how we came to these rituals.  They are mainly new as we are continue to work through figuring out (and improving) our D/s dynamic.  On work days I wake up a bit early to give my Man a blow job or rub his back.  My focus is on who I am.  Before I leave the house, my Man and I start the day knowing that although I will be unavailable until night, I am His, and He is the reason I do what I do. On non work days I just cuddle him.  Being Mom and Dad is how we start these days.  This is very important to Him and I agree.

The other day we had a check in talk and He acknowledged how I have been saying that I wanted more tasks and how it's important for me to start and end my day serving Him.  His idea was that I end my day telling him what I loved most that day on how He served me/took care of me.  So, now I do! 


Thursday, March 6, 2014

Q&A from Scarlet...and why I follow her blog...

My quick twist as a THANK YOU for the questions is to answer my own question
"Why do I follow your blog?"
Scarlet, your excitement for your Master to return is just plain lovely to read.  You are honest on the difficult times, but I hear over and over from you how excited you are to reunite with Him.  Reading your blog makes ME excited for you....I love that!

Q's from Scarlet, A's from Pearl...

-Is there anything that you would change about your submission? (more of/less of)
I want more rituals (He doesn't like that word- it makes me giggle).  But I want more boundaries and tasks.  They keep me focused and remind me of who I am in our home.

-#1 toy wish list item?
I REALLY think that I would enjoy a hook.  I have long hair and I imagine the yummy fun it would be to have my Man braid my hair into the end, effectively holding the hook (and me) in place!  



- In what way does He dominate you that grabs you the most?
In the bedroom- 

When He talks to me. I love to hear my Man, it keeps me focused. 
Out of the bedroom- 
He bought/made me a pillow for the floor to sit on next to Him at home.  This was such a meaningful act of Dominance.  Not only did he acknowledge my want/need to sit next to him, he made it clear that he wants/needs me there.  Our children know he did this for me "something soft for mama to sit on by daddy".  I can't tell you how much this meant to me.


- Which would be worse for you and why: not being allowed to cum after edging or no sex at all?
This is actually a hard one for me to answer.  I am very interested in edging and being denied for a time, but I cum often and I LOVE it.  I have g-spot orgasms and I will tell you that I feel so congested, full and sore when I don't cum for a while.  BUT, to have no sex of any kind??  That would have to be my choice as the worst.  Having Him in me anywhere can't be beat!!

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

All for HIM.... This made me smile =)


Our life is full of ups and downs together, but there isn't a day that passes that I don't feel like the luckiest woman in the world!  I work to convey the love I have for this Man through my actions but I truly enjoy taking time to chronicle it here...It feels more alive when I can place myself back in an earlier time of us being us.

With that being said.....
I like the March Q&A idea!  Personal identity questions aside of course....ask away!

I am a new blogger so I understand that not a lot of you know me...but I hope that makes want to get to know me and ask me some questions!!!

Please don't leave me with the sound of crickets!  =)

XOXO  Pearl


Saturday, March 1, 2014

How his words and actions FEEL to me. Part 1

I push back at him when I'm not feeling that he cares about my submission.  If he doesn't react or doesn't come back stronger at me, I keep pushing harder to prove that I'm right.

What does he care?  Does my submission even matter?  Why work this hard if no-one even notices?  I take it personal and I'm...  Hurt.  It's more than the feeling of wasted effort.  

I feel that with this being my ultimate expression of love, when he doesn't reflect back in matched Dominance, I feel alone.

We had a long talk.  A check in talk on my pushing back at him, why I do it, and what we can do about it.  His Dominance and strength was clear.  He directed the conversation and His intent was to take control of this problem.  My submission matters to Him, He should not have to tell me this.

As I'm hearing his words, there is a stinging pit in my stomach.  It hurts like hell.  Physically I am surrendered.  I am belly down on our bed, legs parted as He soft rubs my exposed (and unshaven) parts.  I have done nothing he has asked of me, I feel....ashamed....and scared.  I am terrified that He will mistake my pushing back for my lack of wanting to submit.  That could not be farther from the truth.  I ache to submit to Him. Oddly, I also have a feeling of relief and calm at the same time.  His Dominance and strength was like a calming blanket holding and weighing on me just right.  I want to do better.  I need to know that He wants me to do better, that it matters.

A few days later....
Lock the door.  Wash your ass.  And, come back to me naked.

The downright HOT sexiness of this overshadows the importance of the Dominance.  The Dominance of this is what makes me instantly surrendered and calmed.  Yes, I am dripping as I walk to do what is asked of me, but more importantly, I feel a calm come over my entire body and mind.  

I no longer have to decided if I should surrender or push back....He has decided for me. 

We have time for you to get spanked and to cum a few times.

Thank you.
Thank. You.  And I mean it more than those two words could ever convey.  That is why I submit.  My submission conveys my 'Thank You' correctly.

In the shower, I shave.  I am committed to taking my submission seriously.  He likes me clean.  My pussy will be cleanly shaved, for Him.

I have a place in our home, I KNOW my place in our home, I LOVE my place in our home.  His Dominance gives me strength to be better. 

He directed me on all fours over our cube ottoman, ass facing him.  As I took my position I felt him move each of my legs to spread farther.

I know he can see my shaven pussy, and I am so proud and excited.  
I do not need any mood stabilizing medication, just give me His Dominance and His hard spanking.  
I am.  Centered.  Calmed.  Focused.  Confident.  Beautiful.  Loved.  

Pretty pink flogger, long handled wooden paddle, hand.  I know each one by the sound and the bite it delivers. 

The anticipation of what implement is next leaves a bit of edge to my entranced calm.  My mouth is softly open, eyes closed, head hanging, muscles lax.  My only conscious thought is a statement, 'His'.  

He focuses spanks over and over to my pussy with the slim handle of the wooden paddle.  My hips curl up to push my pussy out close and more open for him.  

My feeling at this point is elation. 

My greatest response is when he strikes the same spot on my ass/thighs again, so he typically doesn't take me too far with that pattern.  Today, he is pushing my limit a bit. I feel the paddle 2 then 3 times striking the same spot several times.  The third one takes my breath away and makes me flinch for the next one.  We are new with the flogger and He has mastered it already.  He swings the flogger over and over on my left ass cheek, hard.  He is working me hard.  He is loving me enough to break through my own detrimental control and give me the release I need so desperately.  I think He knows I need Him to be hard on me, and I am right.   I want you to feel this for a long time. 

This feels...there are no words....I am so in need of him bringing me to my limit and spanking me right past it.  I want more, I need more.  Every single sting on my back, thighs, and ass feels amazing.  #2 in the same spot with the wooden paddle, I calm my body, no reaction, just a moan.  I am so proud of my calm.  I want more.  #3 pushes my limit, ignites the butterflies in my stomach, takes my breath away.  I must calm down, I want more.  I don't recall if he did a #4 in the same spot?  I am close to my limit but not there.  I beg Him to talk to me when I am reaching my limit, today I am not begging.  He is working me hard and I am so relaxed into every spot he chooses to strike.  I love every single strike.  I hear my deep slow breathing.  I noticed that I am no longer quickly inhaling with each hard strike.  Each slow deep breath I take includes 2+ strikes. My head is floating, my ass is hot and the pain is just barely there.  I am emotionally raw, I want to cry but I have no discernible thought as to why or even how to cry.  I whimper a loving and thankful, release.