Friday, February 28, 2014

How I am feeling.....

When Your woman is submissive
She bares her soul
To You.

She opens up
And shows
You
The parts that make a truly beautiful woman

Beautiful.

Taking control allows 
You
 To experience her.

Fully.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Perfection, For The Imperfect.

We are laying in the bed, spooning.  As he is playing with my breasts his breathing seemed to fall to a sleeping rhythm.  I hate that.  This time it feels...bad...it changes to me feeling yukky.  I haven't felt that way in a very long time.  I don't feel like I am in our bed.  I cover my breasts.  He sleepily roams his hands elsewhere.  When he returns to my breasts I hold firm and tell him how I'm feeling.

I don't want you to feel yukky, ever. 
 His hands roam free again.  He is loving.  And, he reminds me where I am and who I belong to.   
It's not very surrendered of you to NOT let me enjoy you how I want to enjoy you.
 He pinches my nipples, rubs, and squeezes my breasts.

I felt yukky but he was bringing me back.
My breasts are for HIM and for HIS pleasure- that is MY pleasure.

If it calms me to rub you and I fall asleep, that's what I want.

Yes Sir.

His hands move up my body and start to push my shoulders and head down.
Your sleeping at my hip tonight.  I want your head below my hip.  

Ok.
 My heart is filling as I slide down his side and lay my head down next to his hip.

You're sleeping there, cover up with the blanket.  
I cover up as he turns to the side.  I take him in my mouth.  I suck.
This is your pacifier tonight- I want him in your mouth.

 Thank you.
My thank you is twofold.  He has brought me out.  He makes his sub/surrendered wife feel loved and beautiful.  I am thanking him for giving me his cock all night.  Even more, I am thanking him for taking the time and energy to KNOW me.  I need to be owned by him.  I need his heavy hand and direction.  It is my calm.  I didn't know this is what I needed right now but HE knew.

Perfection.

After he finishes in my mouth he invites me back up to cuddle.
You can come back.  I can't sleep with you down there, I want to hold you.

PERFECTION.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Great minds think alike.

I wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom.  As I come back into the bedroom and start to climb over my Man, I decide to roll him over instead.  This sleepy Man of mine should get some loving!  I wake him up with my mouth as I kneel on the bed, bend over, and take him in my mouth.

Mmmmmmm.
I love moments like this.  Raw.  Unplanned.  Sexy as hell.

He hardens in my mouth and I am working to make him cum.  I am sucking and flicking, humming and deep throating.  All the moves he loves.  All the moves I love!  His cock is long and seemingly painfully hard and he is moaning.  I love his moans.  They feed my soul.

I have no idea how much time passes but my neck stiffens.
I shift positions...  Several times...
I start thinking that I won't be able to finish, maybe he'll have to finish in my ass?!

I don't think I can keep going.
I'm sorry baby....you did a sneak attack....I have to pee so bad.
Ooo.  Good luck with that babe.

We giggle.  Kiss.  Off he goes to the bathroom.  When he comes back we cuddle and drift off.

The next day we talk about my 'sneak attack'.
I felt bad it was taking so long.  I should have just went in your ass.
WHAT?!  That's what I was thinking as my neck was cramping!

Maybe next time!!

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Smacking good blowjob!

He is surfing the net looking to find a good place to eat. I am laying between his legs, relaxed. 

Looking for restaurants and look what pops up....  He shows me his phone.  A lovely glass rose dildo.  I hate even calling it a 'dildo' it's so pretty!  Do you want it?  I look at the specifics, the size and so on.  I would love it!  Yes, please.  How about you order it while I thank you.  I pull his shorts aside, grab him into my hand, open my mouth, and begin giving him a proper 'thank you'.


...................................................................................................................

I take him in my throat, suck on him, enjoy him.  I turn my head to the side and use my hand to feel the head of his cock pressing into my cheek.  I rub the outline of him on my cheek.  I don't want loving.  I want a fucking blow job.  Yes sir.  I fuck him into my throat and recall a recent request of his 'I want you to learn new techniques'.  He knows I love to have a buffet of moves when I worship his cock.  I am sparked to try something naughty.  I turn my head to the side again, making his cock press my cheek out.  Tap my cheek.  What I meant to ask him to do was to 'smack my cheek' but I didn't have the nerve.  As he starts to softly tap I realize that this is no 'fucking blow job' and I know how to make this a fucking blow job.  

Harder.  I plead with the head of his cock forcing my mouth open and cheek stretched out.

Yes, I am surrendered to this Man of mine, and sometimes, I tell him what I need to give him what he is asking for.  His hand changes from soft taps to harder, then to full quick smacks.  My pussy is ON FIRE!  My moans are vibrating his cock in my mouth.  I wasn't sure if he would be totally comfortable smacking my cheek but his engorged cock and hard smacks tell me I'm wrong.  He has created a safe place for us to explore our kinks and he is giving me what I need/want.  I love everything about it!

The sound of the smack, love it.  
The sting on my cheek, LOVE it.  
The feeling of being objectified, mouth fucked and slapped, LOVE IT!!

Thursday, February 13, 2014

After a few rough days.....these make me feel.....

www.pinterest.com/stellapolaris50/thoughts-taken-from-a-dominantsubmissives-point-of/


♡ the way he keeps her safe...www.pinterest.com/blackwidow20th/submissive-dominant/


♥
www.pinterest.com/blackwidow20th/submissive-dominant/





Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Banned

In regards to my last post and the question I finished with... Where do I go from here??

My Man answered that question that same day (even if he didn't read my post- not sure if he did?).  My shitty attitude has earned me a ban, from his hands.  He also added that it was not very subservient of me when I stopped his blow job before he came just because I wanted to play more.  I couldn't tell if he was saying it because he cared or to just poke fun.

No cumming for you.  
Is my mouth banned too?
I'm not sure yet.

A few days later now....
On the bad side, my vagina feels engorged and sore.  I told him I think I have 'blue balls'.
On the good side, my mouth was NOT banned today!


sooooo hungry

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Mind ramblings. PMS, anxiety and inexplicable frustrations.

When I was younger and in a foul mood my Husband would ask me if I had my period.  I would be pissed.  Not only was I mad at something but he would have the nerve to blame it on my period, what the hell?!  Well, now I am older.  And, son-of-a-bitch, my period does change me.  A LOT.  I have talked about this on other posts as well as the fact that our dynamic has really made me more aware of my selfishness.  I think that more correctly stated, our dynamic has made me more aware of EVERYTHING.  I am thankful and exhausted all at the same time.  

I feel more, in every way.  Physically, of course, but emotionally too.  I didn't expect the emotional aspect to be what it is.  I am so purposeful and emotionally engaged that when my body chemistry changes I find myself in a tailspin and it feels as though there is nothing I can do to stop from drowning.

It starts with me feeling needy and high maintenance.  At that point, I get sensitive.  I need and I want more but I have always had trouble with asking, for anything.  So, I don't ask.  I just feel hurt and lonely.  I don't want to submit.  I want to submit.  I start to feel that the only way to match my heightened emotions is with his equally heightened control/Dominance.

You need to be spanked, go downstairs. 

Just thinking of my Man saying this to me sends relief through my mind and body.  Not sexual relief, just true calming relief.  I want to cry.  Those words have never left his mouth, but in my mind, each time I don't hear those words I feel inexplicably frustrated, irritable, and judged.  How is he responsible for something he doesn't know?  I understand that it makes no sense.  And yet, I still cannot change my thinking.

 Anxiety sets in, something I have never said before.  But, there it is.

The 'why' of my part in this thing WE do enters in my mind, and I feel....odd.  This breaks my heart.  Wanting and needing my Husband to have a heavy hand and stronger control is not where we are at.  Again, I feel odd.  It isn't where we are at, but it is where I am at.   Everything feels strained. and I go silent.  

Sometime later I open up and I am ready to talk.  We always take steps forward when I finally open up.   I have no idea why I am not rational during this time and I have told him on a few occasions that I don't want to feel this way.  Just as I feel relief from his control and spankings, I feel anxiety and pain (NOT good pain) from my distance. 

Surrender/submission leaves me raw and vulnerable = good.
PMS, anxiety, and inexplicable frustrations leave me raw and vulnerable = not good. 

Where do I go from here?

PS.  I never did get my 'anti-bitch' aroma therapy oil.  I think the first thing I should do is text my friend and pick that shit right up!



Thursday, February 6, 2014

Invitation at his feet. In our vanilla world!

We were at a Superbowl party and I come into the room to join my Man.  I want to sit at his feet but that decision is quickly out.

#1. We are in our normal vanilla life.
#2. There is a table in the way.
#3. The spot to the side is also at an other man's feet- NO way.

The couch spot next to him is open, good enough.  I sit.

My Man mentions what a crummy angle we are sitting at with this side couch we are on.  We get up to move to the individual recliner chairs, there are two of them.  He moves one a bit for himself and I just assume the other one is for me.

That's when he extends his invitation.  THE invitation.  And you can sit here.  He points to the floor in front of the chair.  Will this ever get old?  Will I ever become complacent?  Will I ever not feel like the most cared for wife when he takes control?

He walks over to the closet with blankets/pillows.  This?  He says as he holds up a pillow.  Yes, please.  

The ups and downs of this D/s life we are working on together are still there.  Moments like this, however, truly make me feel loved and cherished....and submissive.  I am so grateful that we put the effort in to try.

Monday, February 3, 2014

Into the shower....to get dirty!

Your in the shower and I'm feeling dirty.  I slide the curtain over.  Go in on the other side.  I comply and enter from the front and into the shower stream.  You turned the water cool for me.  Thank you.

You wash my hair and I purr with love.  Your at my back and your soap filled hands reach around to find my breasts.  Hands above my head placed flat on the shower wall- I'm in my 'fucking in the shower' pose.  I am your gift...and YOU are mine.

You are hard as I tilt my ass up and out for you.  You guide him into my opening.  I moan deeply.  My moans turn into pain/pleasure filled restrained screams.  Too big.  Your strong hand reaches around.....and covers my mouth.  Yours.  Power exchange complete- you can fuck my ass seven ways to Sunday if you choose.  That's exactly what you chose.  Your hands move through my hair and grab two fistfuls....and you pull....pounding your cock harder and harder into me.  You make me feel beautiful.

Do you want my cum in you?  

Oh God YES...please cum inside me!  

I beg you for your cum as you force me to cover you, all the way to the base.  You say something about your cum soaking into me through my ass.  

Who needs roses and chocolates when you could have a cum soaked ass?!

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Flogging happy!

If I haven't mentioned many times prior...I have been was in need of a good spanking.  I didn't get a good spanking though, I got an AMAZING paddling, spanking, and (my first) flogging!

I sit down on our new play table and put my wrists up.  One cuff at a time he secures my thick black cuffs onto my wrists.  Lay back.  Arms up.  I do as he asks.  I LOVE play time!  He walks around towards my extended hands and locks them to the post above my head.  I close my eyes. And. Just. Feel.  He uses his hand to spank my pussy over and over.  Then he uses the wooden spank paddle.  He brings me to the edge, I want to cum.  Just like that, he stops and he's not touching me.  Mmmm, I haven't used this yet.  Velvety thick strands rain down on my thighs and pussy.  He is using my pretty homemade pink flogger for the first time on me.  I am distracted by intrigue over this new sensation.  My intrigue turns to thoughts of never wanting this to end.  He is so good to me.

I. LOVE. THIS. FLOGGER.

He flogs up and down my body, striking my breasts and nipples over and over.  I jump and moan pulling against my restraints.  Each blow feels like a familiar sweet kiss.  He strikes my breasts and belly on back down to my pussy and thighs.  Mmmm.  He roughly shoves his fingers into my oversensitive pussy while he intermittently flogs my breasts.  I open for him.  I love to be his fuck toy. He is rough, hard, and demanding my cum..  Can I please cum?  My words are barely a panting breath.  Cum.  CUM.  He is full of control and lust for me.  And my pussy is full of him.  I am open, stretched, flogged and cumming.  AhhhhHHH!

Turn over.  Wrists bound and in an post cum haze I do as I am told.  He loves his little whore and he wants more.  So do I!  I am now on my belly.  My arms are extended out and up as my head hangs and my knees open to offer him my holes.  My Man slides the rabbit vibrator into my sensitive and slick cunt.  After taking time to pump in and out of me, I feel rope slide over my back.  He secures the vibrator with the rope by tying up and over my hip.  Force fucked by my vibrator- he treats his pussy so good.  I feel his hand reach between my ass cheeks and spread open.  Oh fuck.....Oh good fuck....  A cold large drop of lube splashes onto my asshole.   Something probes at my tight hole as I feel him advance a toy.  It's long and has moments of feeling a bit large, our rigid beads maybe?  I never want this to end!  Before I can even process what is happening he flogs all over my back, my ass, my thighs and back to my pussy.  Oh hell yes.

He switches to our long handle wooden paddle.  He starts light.  It has been so long, I am thankful.  From the top of my ass to the middle of my thighs, he smacks me over and over, harder and harder.  The pain/pleasure is intense.  I need to work to absorb each swat.  I count in my head....45....46...oh fuck....47...  Please talk to me.  I say this out loud.  I am reaching my limit.  My limit is not my stop limit.  It is when I can no longer take more on my own.  I need to be controlled, owned, and guided.  My limit is when I feel so far removed from my own body that I need to hear his voice, I need to know that he sees my limit and is growing painfully hard as he takes me farther.  Say anything......Please baby......Call me a whore, anything....  I'll do whatever I want to do to you.  I don't have to say a fucking word.  I am whimpering and panting.  I am his..... You're MY fuck toy.  He taps the paddle at the end of the vibrator fucking it solidly into me.  I take flight.  Can... I.. please... cum... SIR?!  I am yelling/moaning/whimpering.  My voice jumps as he pumps toys in and out of my ass and pussy.  CUM!  He doesn't slow down.  I...have....More...      P...lease......can....I......c..u...m.......SIR?!    CUM.    AAAAhhhhHHHH!!!!!THANK  YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

This passion we share is tangible.  I feel the fire in my heart, on my ass, and in the tears in my eyes.  So many elements involved in our display of love.  Hardcore, passionate, love.  I am overcome.  He walks towards my head, pulls up a chair and sits down with his hard cock at my mouth.  This is my comfort, this is my reward.  Mmmm, I think this is my best work.  I slide him into my throat and offer a very muffled Thank you Sir.  My arms still secured and stretched, every sensation plays a piece of this symphony.  Bound.  Surrendered.  Safe.  My mouth is full, my ass is full, my pussy is full.  CUM.  This is a first for me, I can't cum.  My emotions are so wound up.  He flogs me some more and pulls at the rope on my waist connected to the vibrator.  I open my mouth wide and let him fuck me.  I cum.

He directs me to flip over again as he releases one hand from the post.  He moves in above my head.  I tilt my head back and open wide.  He fucks into my mouth like he owns it....and he does.  He pulls away and I feel a warm wetness spray onto my cheek.  I lunge up towards the head of his cock as he spurts cum over my face.  In my mouth, I want his cum in my mouth.  I want his taste on my tongue, I want his mark on me.

He moves to unlock my other wrist.  Please let me stay.  You want to stay tied up?  Please.  He leaves my wrist locked and walks back down to my open legs, grabs the vibrator, and fucks me again with it.  I am the happiest fuck toy on Earth.  He goes about his mundane house activities.  Cum in my mouth, cum soaking my cheek, cum dripping out of my pussy, toys still in place, and my wrist cuffed and extended out....I am his fuck slave.  My life is amazing!

Saturday, February 1, 2014

He said- she said. Talk during playtime.

This is a difficult post to write.  My thoughts are jumbled and disconnected.  I know what I need but how to put it clearly on the why I need it feels difficult.

On occasion when we play I beg him to talk to me.  To say anything.  I need the connection and guidance.  Don't get me wrong, he does talk when we play, but I come to a spot where I need him to talk to me.  We talked about this recently out of the bedroom.  

#250 on why I love this Man of mine so much?  We talk out of the bedroom.

He said:
For him, talking just to talk when we play reminds him of stupid porn lines when all they say is fake porn talk.  It is fake, planned, and does not match what we do.  When we play he thinks of what he is doing to me and what he is going to do next, if he has to say something, he does.  This is true.  He does give me direction, which I LOVE and NEED.  

How does this fit into what I am needing?

She said:
For me, talking is as varied as the playtime we have.  The talking I am in need of is when he is pushing me past the point of my own control.  I feel that me asking for help to work through the pain/pleasure I am in gives the impression that it's too much and we should just stop.  NO, No, NO!  For me, this is when the great sex becomes unbelievable!!  When he is spanking me with our wooden paddle it stings like a son of a bitch.  I have to work to calm, center, and accept each smack.  Hitting in the same spot accelerates my limit.  THIS is when I need him to talk.  When he takes me to this point I have exhausted my own ability to give myself over to the feeling, I am my own barrier.  This is the point where I need his control/connection to be it's strongest.  This is when I beg.  Say ANYTHING, please.  Tell me I am your whore and you like me in pain.  Tell me you will play with me until your done, tell me to focus, tell me your good girl will take 10 more and say thank you.  Tell me that you like me to cum and you like me to cum hard.  

I don't want to be in control.  I can't be in control.  I'm not in control.  When I have reached my tipping point and he doesn't talk to me I feel like no one is in control and I feel lost.  

During play time recently I got to this point and begged for him, he responded I'll do whatever I want to you.  I don't have to say a fucking thing.  There's my Man.  That is all I needed.  Control and connection.  Treat me like your personal whore, push me farther, demand my pussy be wet when your done.  I just need to hear that you see where I'm at and that you are with me.  When you kick into talking I know you understand how much I am giving you and how you will guide me to give you even more.