Monday, September 26, 2016

Not a laughing matter.....

After an especially intense session my Man and I had a discussion........Where He took me, and how I responded are not only amazingly sensual but we agreed that there was a great potential for events to have gone very wrong if W/we did not know each other and care for each other so deeply.  If W/we BOTH were any less committed to a Safe, Sane, and Consensual power exchange my responses could have very well been mistaken for disrespect and He may have incorrectly responded with dolling out an unearned punishment.  He feels (and I very much agree) that this needed to be blogged.  I do feel that I need to set the scene and discuss the build up so that the context of my reactions (and His) are clearly understood.  So, here we go.........

I am a wiggler.  I writhe, I clench, I cover my bottom with my hands, and I bend my knees so that my feet can attempt to cover (and save) my increasingly red butt.  It is that last behavior that has inclined my Man to tie my legs, at the ankles, to something sturdy when He intends to spank me into oblivion.

****Tragic back story.....long ago I did the same reflexive knee bend as I was on my belly and He was straddled over me cracking my back.  And, I kicked His innocently hanging balls!  So, the legs now get tied down for his safety.....and enjoyment****  

This was the start of the beautiful position He was looking to have me in the other day.  Face down, my hips lay across two pillows effectively displaying His target.  I settle in as I listen to each intoxicating sound of Him preparing.  He opens my locked bedside toy cabinet, pulls out my restraint bag, metal clasps clinking together...The sounds effectively lead me to a soft, supple place even before He has hardly even touched me.  The initial position I am (literally) locked into starts with my wrists restrained low behind my back linked with a chain to the collar around my neck, and yes, feet cuffed and tied to the end of the log bed so as not to inadvertently injure His cock and balls!

My Man chooses to first grace my bottom, thighs, and calves with our rubber covered rigid cable twist.  It delivers both sting and thud under His hand.  I can hardly tolerate the single swats when He begins.  I begin my dance.  I jump, twitch, clench.  I silently coax myself to avoid giving the impression that I want this to end..........because I. Do. NOT.  He reads me. He reminds me.

He asks me,
Did you do your dishes last night?

This is my least favorite part of our spanking lifestyle.  He has settled into the habit of addressing punishments first.  Saying this is my least favorite part is within the context of our consensual lifestyle.  I don't want to earn punishments because that means that I have disobeyed/disappointed Him.  The actual punishment, regardless of what that is, is exactly what I have consented to.  In light of me not holding up my end of our commitments, I have consequences.  I have asked for consequences, I have agreed to punishments, and in return He holds me accountable.

This is not what runs through my head when He asks me if I did my dishes.
What goes through my head is "Fuck!"

What comes out of my mouth this time.......


He asks me, again.
Did you do your dishes last night?


And, so it begins.  Spanking and talking.  Hard, intent, and settled in on one spot at a time.

Do you think going out with your girls after work should stop you from serving me?


He is holding up His end of this agreed upon consequence.  He is doing so in strong fashion.  My ass is on fire.  Waves of thoughts, pains, and emotions, all rush through my body and my mind.

Stop tensing up.  NO MORE.

yes, Sir.

I want to tell Him in that moment that He should tell me I'm a good girl.  As He punishes my bottom and my thighs with little relent I want to tell Him how strong I am for staying still and un-clenched.

Emotions, thoughts, pain.

The pride leaves as I release my wanting to control this punishment.  His response to my disregard for my promises are raw.  As my attempts to control leave the remaining events are a bit fuzzy and jumbled.

The punishment is only the beginning.  As with just about each spanking He gives, punishment is addressed- lecture and spanking.  Then, time for the non-punishment spanking.  He pulled His paddle out at some point (I am unsure if it was used for punishment too?).  As the transition moves towards non-punishment spanking, little changes in the way of His heavy hand.  I would say that I could feel the emotion switch to enjoyment on His part.  He also says as much to me during this time.

The waves continue inside me.  And, this is where it could have gone wrong.

With all control removed from me physically, and now all control of thoughts, pain, and emotions leaving me....I am left with responses that are not my own.

I start to giggle.

This has only occurred a few times during our spanking time.  The first time this happened years ago I remember pleading through my laughing/giggling...
I assure you that I do NOT find this funny.
This was not a complete statement as is written above.  It was said with strain, FUCKING giggling I did not want to be doing, and uncontrolled remorse as the idea flashed before me that He may have thought that I was laughing AT Him.

This time, a similar flash of thoughts shared my head-space.


I think I said it?  I am not sure, but I did hear my Man give a short laugh too, so....maybe?

Safe, Sane, Consensual.
Safety is what I want to talk about.
I am not saying that occasional play partners can't achieve safety at this point but what I am saying is that without your Dom taking the Dom part seriously, they can cause some serious damage here. Without knowledge of each other and trust in who W/we are to each other I truly fear the events could have gone wrong.

Laughing at my Dom, pushing my pride in front to make Him feel stupid SHOULD get my ass spanked.  Not for fun, but for an assertion of reminding U/us both that I am here to boost Him up, not pull Him down.

In the height of my uncontrolled responses, I giggle.  It pains me to giggle, I don't want to giggle, I find NOTHING funny about the situation, but still..........I giggle.  I am physically restrained and at His mercy.  Literally.  My mind is now fogged over with internal chemicals that make rational thought unattainable.  He is responsible for my complete well-being at this time.  If my Man did not put the effort into knowing physiologically what He was creating in my body He very mistakenly could have shifted back towards punishment.  Being laughed at as you spank your sub.....I envision a punishment filled with chauvinistic anger.  This is where SAFETY is all His own.  Being a Dom is quite a responsibility.  Right at a point where my body is a puppet for His using He has to reign it in.   Yes, sadistically there is further He can safely go.....and He does.  He stopped nothing.  He allowed my endorphin rush to peak as He upped the intensity.

He continued with Dominant control, not macho anger.  His little sub, His fuck toy, His whore, His property to make scream, drip, and writhe in exotic pain.  On hands and knees, hook shoved up her ass connected to her hair causing a forced arch in her back and the predicament of easing the pull of the hook by leaving her ass turned high up in the air only to be begging for a painful beating.....or to tilt her hips down causing the hook to pull in deep in attempts to not appear to be begging for more spanking.  THIS is the display He had before Him.  How He was able to think with His brain and not His cock is amazing to me!

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Embarrassed little girl.


This is the sign my Man and I saw in the window of a saddlery store.  You know where this is going, don't you!?  We have talked about adding a crop to our toy box. We have even almost went a time or two to a store to find said riding crop.

This time....

We went inside!

A sale damn it.  I am a sucker for a sale.

As it turns out..... I'm also a prude!!!!!  I was SHOCKED at how embarrassed I felt.  I'm not sure if it was the older woman owner who could tell in the first 5 seconds that we knew nothing about horses?

"Are you looking for English or Western?" She says.

In my head I say,
"When He swats me really good we joke that he got some 'English' in it.  So, English?"

But, what comes out is,
"I don't know anything about horses."

Smooth..... Really smooth......

It becomes even more painful as I explain that my friend owns a horse (truth) and I'm looking for her (untruth).   I text my friend (truth) and casually say "she will text me to let me know what she wants" (untruth).

I slowly stroll up and down the isles.

I have no problem stairing in horny giddiness at the leather collars and straps....but the fucking crop.....I can't even make eye contact with it's

My internal dialog is a mess.

"Oh shit.
There they are.
Don't stare.
At the front?
How did we not see them!?!
Oh my God.
They're smaller than I thought.
Don't stare!
A whippy tail one?!
It's Christmas.
She sees it on my face.
This is NOT for a horse.

And, against every bet I would have ever made about my comfort with my sexuality......... We walked out...... Empty handed.

What the hell?!

Friday, July 22, 2016

Free reign.......

So, every month my Man gives me free reign (so to speak) for one day.  One day, same day of the month, every month.  Same day of the month as my birthday.  My time to ask, suggest, request..... I know that I have not used it fully.  

Some months the day comes and goes without my is busy you know!  Other months I just don't know what to ask for.  

This time......

I'm on a mission!

What do I want from him??????
What do I want for me????????

He told me last night that I need to be fucked in the ass more.  I need to 'feel' his Dominance more.   I'm not too sure that I would have requested his technique, but feeling more Dominance....might be on my wish list.  

Free reign...........what's a girl to do!?!

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Back in the saddle.

Oh, how fun would it be if the title was reference to a real saddle......maybe a crop........

Back to the real post!!!

After a stint of a complete change in my away from home (working) hours we came to a realization.  O/our love and O/our life together is MOST important.  **Trust me, this is not something we ever questioned.....just re-committed to when a "golden" opportunity arose**  The new change offered much in many ways but it took away what my Man and I cherish most......U/us.   The vanilla us was completely unchanged.  No friction, no marriage frustrations....on the surface, I am sure our union looked even stonger as we supported each other through the upheaval.  But, the growing strength between us made our true life too unbalanced.

Zero spankings. I mean ZERO.

No mainatenence = scattered Pearl

No punishments = vanilla home

Vanilla home = like living with your buddy

Again, in the mainstream, all of this should work.  We should be content.  No problem!?    Wrong.   What it boils down to- is no passion.  I even struggled to cum when we did finally have a free moment to connect.  It is actually a bit terrifying when your Dom says "cum for me".........and......




"Terrifying" may seem like an exaggeration but here's the thing.  I am owned.  For the past 2+ years I only cum when he has given permission.  I masterbate if says I can.  I cum when he says "CUM".  And this works for us......this IS U/us!  We have worked very hard to create a life based on our love for each other and reject the conventional notion that materials and things make us who we are.

I am the naked woman in His bed.
I am the strong woman who softens when she has over-stepped with her words.
I am the reason he walks taller.

We still have to survive in the basic sense of needing "things".  But, there is such a difference when you choose to serve the wrong passion.  My service, my energy, all went elsewhere.  We chose to try it out.  We knew it may not be for U/us.  And......we were right.

He spent many nights without me.  I spent many days in a fog.  The balance was so off balance, it reminded me of the early days as I struggled to navigate professional control with personal servitude. All of the work we had done over the past 4 years was placed neatly to the side.  Pearl and her Man stepped aside while the typical life crept I write this, I can visually see our life turning from one of vibrant color and a tangible warmth to a slow fade of gray.....a dull hum of living....a life equivalent to living with a buddy.

No thank you.

And, just like that.........we have decided to re-make our house..... O/our home.  Our home runs warm when I am there to finish dishes every night, as a good girl.  O/our home runs colored with passion when my Man (re)trains my body to respond to his.  O/our home has balance when His passion is to lead and my passion is to serve.  It's summer and the kiddos are home so the spanking in our home still needs some time to return but I assure you, my heart, my service, and my behind will be thankful when that amazing Man of mine bends me over our bed (or ties me down....) and reminds U/us both who we are in our home.  

And dishes have been done, my towels are at the bedside (I was instructed to buy new towels just for me!!!!!!! Odd and ironic the color returns to our life.....I choose gray towels! WTF!!??), he has been focusing on retraining my body for pleasure and for service.  Did you all know that nipple pinching is a training tool?

Vanilla's boring and overrated.

We are back in the saddle......and with any luck, this good girl can earn a crop to make it complete!!!

Monday, June 27, 2016

One word......

I love a meme, thanks PK for sharing yours (a LONG time ago!!)

One word....
1. Yourself: STRONG 
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend (spouse): KIND
3. Your hair:  LONG 
4. Your mother:  GONE
5. Your father:  GONE
6. Your favourite item: BED
7. Your dream last night: NONE
8. Your favourite drink: WATER
9. Your dream car: WRANGLER
10. The room you are in: OPEN
11. Your ex: UNIMPORTANT 
12. Your fear: DYING
13. What you want to be in 10 years? LOVED
14. Who you hung out with last night? FAMILY
15. What you're not? FAKE
16. Muffins: NAH
17. One of your wish list items: TIME
18. Time: MORNING
19. The last thing you did: COFFEE
20. What you are wearing:  PJ'S
21. Your favourite weather: AUTUMN
22. Your favourite book: AUTOBIOGRAPHIES
23. The last thing you ate: POPCORN
24. Your life: FULL
25. Your mood: REFLECTIVE
26. Your best friend: KP
27. What are you thinking about right now? HEADACHE 
28. Your car: SUNNY
29. What are you doing at the moment? ANSWERING 
30. Your summer: TRAVEL!?
31. Your relationship status: MARRIED
32. What is on your TV? NOTHING
33. What is the weather like? WARM
34. When is the last time you laughed? YESTERDAY
35. Your favourite colour? PURPLE

I showed you mine.......

Now, you show me yours!?!?
Remember, I love autobiographies =)

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Love and other drugs....

Kiddos off to Find Dory.....Mom and Dad left to have a night as Husband and wife.  A yummy light dinner.  I never seem to want to eat too much when the excitement of playtime is around the corner.  Best diet ever?!  If only playtime could be every day.....

Such a lovely way to cuddle.  As vanilla as drifting off to sleep......and other times NOT vanilla.  
Last night, not vanilla.

He absolutely loves to pinch my nipples.  This may be one thing I have found that although I would claim to not specifically has oddly/inexplicably/secretly/submissisively become a favorite of mine.  I still claim that I don't necessarily enjoy the act of having said nipples pinched.  But, there's that other side of the pleasure coin.....the side where pain/service/surrender/control/limits (and the lack thereof) all merge into a beautiful symphony.  

The fact that it is not my favorite activity is curious......
I did just cum in my own pants didn't I?

He absolutely loves to pinch my nipples.  And, is my favorite of my unfavorites....

My soaking wet underwear along with his soaking wet hand confirm the inevitable.  I. Am. His. 

From my overly sensitive left nipple he seems to tease/torture more than the right....
To the wet spot between my legs.....

And, in between.


Then pussy.
He enjoys me.

Come take this.

Back to mouth collect my reward.

He offers a slight pause as His cum sits in my mouth.  Now this is not only REALLY a favorite of mine but there's that other side of the pleasure coin that makes the pleasure of this entire exchange almost too much to explain... Start with control, add a dash of objectification, and the lightly sprinkled humiliation as His puddle of cum sits on my tongue....mouth closed, tongue to the back of my throat preventing any from going down before He says so.   I imagine, in that moment, that I look ravishing.  My eyes peer up softly to Him.   


And, as His good girl always does......I say a genuine thank you when I am finished.

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Summer break

Summer time.....always creates a spanking hiatus.  Those sweet little ears ever present.  Time to dust off the blind tilt (and any other silent spanker I can think of!).

I would LOVE to say that the spanking ceasefire is due to my perfect good girl behavior.  However, being that it would only cover punishment spankings there is way more to it than that.  I crave good girl spankings- not so much the other.  Sure, I crave correction and accountability for my actions but I do not enjoy disappointing my Man.  Quite the evidenced by my subbie title =)

The attention to my bottom makes everything right in my little corner of the world.

I asked my Man a short time ago why He likes to spank me.....
His answer was the most beautiful reply...and so accurate to where He puts me.

I like to see you in such painful calm.

I crave that painful could I not?!