Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Embarrassed little girl.

"STORE CLOSING.....50% OFF!"

This is the sign my Man and I saw in the window of a saddlery store.  You know where this is going, don't you!?  We have talked about adding a crop to our toy box. We have even almost went a time or two to a store to find said riding crop.

This time....

We went inside!

A sale damn it.  I am a sucker for a sale.

As it turns out..... I'm also a prude!!!!!  I was SHOCKED at how embarrassed I felt.  I'm not sure if it was the older woman owner who could tell in the first 5 seconds that we knew nothing about horses?

"Are you looking for English or Western?" She says.

In my head I say,
"When He swats me really good we joke that he got some 'English' in it.  So, English?"

But, what comes out is,
"I don't know anything about horses."

Smooth..... Really smooth......

It becomes even more painful as I explain that my friend owns a horse (truth) and I'm looking for her (untruth).   I text my friend (truth) and casually say "she will text me to let me know what she wants" (untruth).

I slowly stroll up and down the isles.

I have no problem stairing in horny giddiness at the leather collars and straps....but the fucking crop.....I can't even make eye contact with it's
soft
striking
beautiful
brown
leather
goodness.

My internal dialog is a mess.

"Oh shit.
There they are.
Don't stare.
At the front?
How did we not see them!?!
Oh my God.
They're smaller than I thought.
Don't stare!
A whippy tail one?!
It's Christmas.
She sees it on my face.
This is NOT for a horse.
DON'T STARE!!!"

And, against every bet I would have ever made about my comfort with my sexuality......... We walked out...... Empty handed.

What the hell?!

Friday, July 22, 2016

Free reign.......

So, every month my Man gives me free reign (so to speak) for one day.  One day, same day of the month, every month.  Same day of the month as my birthday.  My time to ask, suggest, request..... I know that I have not used it fully.  

Some months the day comes and goes without my notice.....life is busy you know!  Other months I just don't know what to ask for.  

This time......

I'm on a mission!

What do I want from him??????
What do I want for me????????



He told me last night that I need to be fucked in the ass more.  I need to 'feel' his Dominance more.   I'm not too sure that I would have requested his technique, but feeling more Dominance....might be on my wish list.  

Free reign...........what's a girl to do!?!

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Back in the saddle.

Oh, how fun would it be if the title was reference to a real saddle......maybe a crop........

Back to the real post!!!

After a stint of a complete change in my away from home (working) hours we came to a realization.  O/our love and O/our life together is MOST important.  **Trust me, this is not something we ever questioned.....just re-committed to when a "golden" opportunity arose**  The new change offered much in many ways but it took away what my Man and I cherish most......U/us.   The vanilla us was completely unchanged.  No friction, no marriage frustrations....on the surface, I am sure our union looked even stonger as we supported each other through the upheaval.  But, the growing strength between us made our true life too unbalanced.

Zero spankings. I mean ZERO.

No mainatenence = scattered Pearl

No punishments = vanilla home

Vanilla home = like living with your buddy

Again, in the mainstream, all of this should work.  We should be content.  No complaints.....no strife......no problem!?    Wrong.   What it boils down to- is no passion.  I even struggled to cum when we did finally have a free moment to connect.  It is actually a bit terrifying when your Dom says "cum for me".........and......

You

Just

Can't.

"Terrifying" may seem like an exaggeration but here's the thing.  I am owned.  For the past 2+ years I only cum when he has given permission.  I masterbate if says I can.  I cum when he says "CUM".  And this works for us......this IS U/us!  We have worked very hard to create a life based on our love for each other and reject the conventional notion that materials and things make us who we are.

I am the naked woman in His bed.
I am the strong woman who softens when she has over-stepped with her words.
I am the reason he walks taller.

We still have to survive in the basic sense of needing "things".  But, there is such a difference when you choose to serve the wrong passion.  My service, my energy, all went elsewhere.  We chose to try it out.  We knew it may not be for U/us.  And......we were right.

He spent many nights without me.  I spent many days in a fog.  The balance was so off balance, it reminded me of the early days as I struggled to navigate professional control with personal servitude. All of the work we had done over the past 4 years was placed neatly to the side.  Pearl and her Man stepped aside while the typical life crept in......as I write this, I can visually see our life turning from one of vibrant color and a tangible warmth to a slow fade of gray.....a dull hum of living....a life equivalent to living with a buddy.

No thank you.

And, just like that.........we have decided to re-make our house..... O/our home.  Our home runs warm when I am there to finish dishes every night, as a good girl.  O/our home runs colored with passion when my Man (re)trains my body to respond to his.  O/our home has balance when His passion is to lead and my passion is to serve.  It's summer and the kiddos are home so the spanking in our home still needs some time to return but I assure you, my heart, my service, and my behind will be thankful when that amazing Man of mine bends me over our bed (or ties me down....) and reminds U/us both who we are in our home.  

And so......my dishes have been done, my towels are at the bedside (I was instructed to buy new towels just for me!!!!!!! Odd and ironic fact....as the color returns to our life.....I choose gray towels! WTF!!??), he has been focusing on retraining my body for pleasure and for service.  Did you all know that nipple pinching is a training tool?

Vanilla life.........it's boring and overrated.

We are back in the saddle......and with any luck, this good girl can earn a crop to make it complete!!!

Monday, June 27, 2016

One word......

I love a meme, thanks PK for sharing yours (a LONG time ago!!)

One word....
Describe:
1. Yourself: STRONG 
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend (spouse): KIND
3. Your hair:  LONG 
4. Your mother:  GONE
5. Your father:  GONE
6. Your favourite item: BED
7. Your dream last night: NONE
8. Your favourite drink: WATER
9. Your dream car: WRANGLER
10. The room you are in: OPEN
11. Your ex: UNIMPORTANT 
12. Your fear: DYING
13. What you want to be in 10 years? LOVED
14. Who you hung out with last night? FAMILY
15. What you're not? FAKE
16. Muffins: NAH
17. One of your wish list items: TIME
18. Time: MORNING
19. The last thing you did: COFFEE
20. What you are wearing:  PJ'S
21. Your favourite weather: AUTUMN
22. Your favourite book: AUTOBIOGRAPHIES
23. The last thing you ate: POPCORN
24. Your life: FULL
25. Your mood: REFLECTIVE
26. Your best friend: KP
27. What are you thinking about right now? HEADACHE 
28. Your car: SUNNY
29. What are you doing at the moment? ANSWERING 
30. Your summer: TRAVEL!?
31. Your relationship status: MARRIED
32. What is on your TV? NOTHING
33. What is the weather like? WARM
34. When is the last time you laughed? YESTERDAY
35. Your favourite colour? PURPLE

I showed you mine.......

Now, you show me yours!?!?
Remember, I love autobiographies =)





Saturday, June 18, 2016

Love and other drugs....

Kiddos off to Find Dory.....Mom and Dad left to have a night as Husband and wife.  A yummy light dinner.  I never seem to want to eat too much when the excitement of playtime is around the corner.  Best diet ever?!  If only playtime could be every day.....

Spooning......
Such a lovely way to cuddle.  As vanilla as drifting off to sleep......and other times NOT vanilla.  
Last night, not vanilla.

He absolutely loves to pinch my nipples.  This may be one thing I have found that although I would claim to not specifically enjoy....it has oddly/inexplicably/secretly/submissisively become a favorite of mine.  I still claim that I don't necessarily enjoy the act of having said nipples pinched.  But, there's that other side of the pleasure coin.....the side where pain/service/surrender/control/limits (and the lack thereof) all merge into a beautiful symphony.  

The fact that it is not my favorite activity is curious......
I did just cum in my own pants didn't I?

He absolutely loves to pinch my nipples.  And, now...it is my favorite of my unfavorites....

My soaking wet underwear along with his soaking wet hand confirm the inevitable.  I. Am. His. 

From my overly sensitive left nipple he seems to tease/torture more than the right....
To the wet spot between my legs.....

Everything 
Above
Below
And, in between.

His.

Mouth
Then pussy.
He enjoys me.

Come take this.

Back to mouth again....to collect my reward.

He offers a slight pause as His cum sits in my mouth.  Now this is not only REALLY a favorite of mine but there's that other side of the pleasure coin that makes the pleasure of this entire exchange almost too much to explain... Start with control, add a dash of objectification, and the lightly sprinkled humiliation as His puddle of cum sits on my tongue....mouth closed, tongue to the back of my throat preventing any from going down before He says so.   I imagine, in that moment, that I look ravishing.  My eyes peer up softly to Him.   

Swallow.

And, as His good girl always does......I say a genuine thank you when I am finished.









Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Summer break

Summer time.....always creates a spanking hiatus.  Those sweet little ears ever present.  Time to dust off the blind tilt (and any other silent spanker I can think of!).

I would LOVE to say that the spanking ceasefire is due to my perfect good girl behavior.  However, being that it would only cover punishment spankings there is way more to it than that.  I crave good girl spankings- not so much the other.  Sure, I crave correction and accountability for my actions but I do not enjoy disappointing my Man.  Quite the opposite.....as evidenced by my subbie title =)

The attention to my bottom makes everything right in my little corner of the world.

I asked my Man a short time ago why He likes to spank me.....
His answer was the most beautiful reply...and so accurate to where He puts me.

I like to see you in such painful calm.

I crave that painful calm.....how could I not?!

Saturday, April 30, 2016

Dream a little dream.

Although I wouldn't necessarily call this a nightmare, I certainly hated this dream...

I don't even know a name for where I was but basically I went to a play dungeon where Doms train subs.  I make my way through the initial meeting room and into the area for training/serving.  I have no idea if I am naked but I know that I am on my knees the entire time.  This doesn't feel sexual, it feels almost like a transaction or a communication.  I am not eager nor interested and although my body shows that I am in service, I am clearly NOT.  Even when he pulls out his hard cock and puts it to my face.  I turn away.  "There is no reason the lint on my dick is not in your mouth" he says to me.  Again, not sexual.  The feeling is one of defiance.  I don't have to serve, and I certainly don't have to serve him.  How this is not sexual is only something that makes sense in dreams......

At the end of the training, we are talking, as equals.  I apologize and admit that I didn't try at all.  I am the reason we got nowhere.  At some point it is suggested that my Man come next time, that all of this will work better if he is there.  The guy tells me, laughing, some Men don't like it until they see how it goes.

WTF?!
Not even sure this needs interpretation... Only motivation!